Actions speak louder than words, however sometimes our actions – such as parking like a peen – can generate a slew of words that typically find there way onto angrily-jotted notes pinned under an offender’s wiper blade. Theangered.com has a collection of ten of the best, and while most are aimed at denigration of the car’s owner, it appears that “Jack” has reversed positions and is leaving a note to demonstrate his dickiness.
Warning: there some NSFW language present, in case you work with kids or people who leave notes on cars.
I would have tracked Jack's ass down. He left the note on AVIS letterhead, so It is a very good assumption that Jack was driving a rental. When Jack turned his car in, he had to file an accident report, so based on the date, it should not be too hard to narrow down the car. I am still not sure what I would do after finding out the name, since the dick probably lives in another city… cyber-stalking comes to mind.
It looks like "Jack" is from Australia. Don't mess with anyone from there. Just sayin'.
I love "p.s. you rock!" Do you think that whoever wrote that was single? I'd like to buy her a drink.
I thought the very same thing.
I love the font and priceless message on the "Dear Motherfucker" note
Pen and paper never occurs to me when someone parks stupidly close, I just write my note with a key.
You know there's a precident to be set here though, if that person is clearly in the middle of the lines and no where near your spot then you should have the ability to do that as well. If the other person is crowding or over the line then it's their fault for being incapable of parking or parking beside someone who is incapable of parking.
One time in the parkade in behind Chinook center on the lower level the two spots directly across from the doors entering the mall a BMW was parked waaay over the line. At this time I was still driving my POS Sunbird GT and I thought "Hey that spot is big enough for me to fit". So I carefully backed in between the concrete post and the BMW, get out and inspect my handy work (couldn't put my hand between the mirror and her quarter panel). What makes this story special? On my way in to the mall she comes out and looks and looks at me (I'm still looking at the awesome job I did) and says "I don't think I can get out of there". Fortunatly for her I'm a nice guy and rather than flip on her for parking like shit or tell her tough luck I'm between the lines, I just moved my car out of the way for her to back out.
Without the reference point of parking spots, people at my college lose all idea as to how to park, which creates a bunch of not quite usable spots. I go out of my way to squeeze my beater where ever it sort of fits.
one of my apartment complexes actually had assigned spots. i came home one night to find neighbors parked way to close on either side for me to get out, one had backed in… i went ahead and parked in my spot so that neither one could open their driver's side doors… and then proceeded to exit through my fold down back seat and power trunk release… felt great the next day when i watched them climb in the passenger seat, over the center console and then twist themselves into the driver's seat.. all seen from the safe viewpoint of my balcony.
I parked in a spot that was about one-fourth taken up by a Durango who was almost halfway out of his space. I was close to the line, so was the S60 next to me, but we were both straight and fine. I was careful not to damage his car when I got out… but I was equally careful to instruct my passenger to open his door quite firmly into the side of the angle-parked Durango.
This brings up a question I've always pondered.
Let's say there's an open spot, but some jackass has parked so poorly, encroaching into your space, that in order to fit you have to park right on the line of the open spot.
It was my policy that if I could fit, it was fair game, and, of course, I'd be much closer to the offending vehicle with my POS car then the car in the other space.
However, I did this once, and by the time I got back to my car, both cars next to me had left, and other people re-parked in their spaces. Since the original offending vehicle left, now it's me who looks like the jackass for parking poorly. This happen to anyone else?
Personally if I can't fit between the lines and make it look like it's their fault with out looking like a jackass when they leave then it's not worth it and I'm off to find one a little further away. Some others may feel more inclined to not care but if we can't set an example we're no better than the jackasses we are out to "punish".
Just as a note to every one if you don't carry paper with you print off some of these and keep a pen in your car.
http://www.youparklikeanasshole.com
Now I like that idea!!! (and hopefully the fucktard who parked that way will see the note too!)
I actually did, and put a big note in my own window, reading, "I'm parked like this because the fucktard who was in THAT SPACE ——> when I parked didn't know how to park a vehicle and this was the only open spot."
The best one I've ever seen in person was on a truck I was about to leave my own note on, only to discover that my wittiness had been truly trumped:
"Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue
Your parking job demonstrates that you are clearly a fucking jackass and a waste of valuable oxygen that could be used by someone else,
And we hope you die a painful death from the Swine Flu.
All our love,
The entire rest of humanity."
Nice! I might have to steal that one someday.
I usually just sign xoxoxoxoxo.
Jack is my new hero.
Jack is a dick but he made me laugh.
I've kind of settled on
"You lack intelligence,
and the ability to detect drive-ways"
for when I get parked in every other week.
You do have a sign warning that blocking the driveway will result in the offender being towed, right? If so, don't bother with the note. Nothing will deter the knuckleheads faster that having to pay dearly for the towing/storage fees. In the beach areas here in San Diego, only the dumbest of the stupid (and tourists) ignore these posted warnings. Locals have the towing service on speed dial and the tow trucks are almost as ubiquitous as Arizona license plates.
Zonies!
I often think that people park next to other cars because they are incapable of driving between the lines without a point of reference. If they've parked right effing next to me in a fairly empty lot and obviously made solid contact with my car, I do a key on metal reproduction of Picasso's Guernica on their car.
Classy, I don't think a guy could be mad at you for making their car a driving work of art.
I am proud that I have never taken out my frustration of another poor parker by damaging the car. It's not the car's fault the owner is a douche.
I have been known to park on the entrance curb at the mall during holiday season. You can get away with it, if you leave the hood up and a note stating "Please do not tow. Vehicle will not start. Owner inside calling for assistance."
Also in the winters, I park the truck on the snow mounds to get close parking.
That's my favorite!!! No one wants that first spot, because there's 2-3 feet of packed snow partially filling it!! No problem for the truck!!! Pull right in, first spot, and it even looks cool perched up on the snow mound!!!
What's so bad about having your kids addicted to drugs? It could be worse, they could be addicted to something even more socially destructive and more expensive, like cars.
Or videogames.
Video games cause socialism. And we all know how evil THAT can be!
In college I had a small basement apartment in a house that had been converted into 4 apartments. There were 8 or 9 parking spaces behind the house. Two college students per apartment, so really no visitor parking. There were two cheer leaders in one of the upstairs apartment. Their boyfriends had a nasty habit of parking and either blocking cars in or almost completely blocking the drive, they were warned about this several times. Of course these guys were douches in general and the girls wouldn't even give me or my roommate the time of day. After one rather egregious parking incident me and my roommate decided to leave a note, similar to the ones in the link. BUT, it was written on an empty box of 12ga slugs that had been opened up to write on. I think we left a few empty hulls on the hood too. Subtle, but effective, I don't think we had many more problems after that.
I used to do a lot of "dirt-work" (road construction), and we always had a bunch of different colors of those cans of "up-side down marking paint", aerosol paint cans that make those marks you see in the dirt or street. A buddy used to always keep a can of white in his pick-up, and when somebody truly failed at parking, he would make new lines immediately adjacent to the offenders car, making sure to get some on the tires (but not the wheels), and then write, "Reserved For Jack-Ass" on the pavement right behind it. It was really cool to see people weeks later parked in his "new" spot.
I was so let down by then ending of that story… I figured he used white to redraw the parked-over line onto the vehicle. You know, to help the owner figure it out.
Hrm… might have to get some sort of a washable paint to keep in the car for just this purpose. Enough to get the point across without causing permanent damage.
re: picture #3 – I've always written "jerk off" as two words…have I been doing it wrong?
I need to know.
I think it's one word as a noun and two as a verb.
That makes sense. Would the same linguistic logic apply to "horse fucker"?
/swirls brandy
/adjusts monocle
Or Jack Hole?
/takes puff of pipe
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