Classic Captions Contest – 1962 Lincoln Continental Edition


Most of the time, our Classic Captions Contest images are full of complexity, or absurdly unlikely situations, or perhaps some overly-faddish outdated trends. But today we have an image quite stark in its simplicity: just a young lad, sitting alone on the door sill of a Lincoln Continental four-door sedan. The featureless white background and lack of context leaves the source of his dejected expression up to you. I trust all of you will make the most of that extra latitude in the comments.

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For $30K, You Can Be Your Own Automotive Magnate!

Willow kit cars

Have you ever wanted a car of your own? I don’t mean just owning one example of a particular car, I’m talking owning the whole model: tooling, design, manufacturing rights, the whole shebang. Instead of thinking, “If I’d made that car, I’d have done it this way…” you could make it be that way. If you wanted to call it the Bob Smedley Is Awesome or the Sex Gunner Stocking-Foot Martian Weasel, nobody could stop you—it’s YOUR car! You could make reality match your dreams. Okay, so your dreams can’t include being financially viable in the endeavor, but that’s a minor quibble.

Eric Seltzer designed the Willow kit car in the late ’70s, and marketed it for a couple of years before selling the project in 1984. The assets remained basically mothballed until he bought them back earlier this year. The whole ball of wax, including the two unfinished cars shows above, are currently listed on Ebay for $29,500, although he’s willing to consider offers.
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False Neutral #33: Between Something And Nothing

We didn’t have a defined theme or subject for this week’s episode, so the topic is either nothing, or everything:

  • We re-examine what reliable bikes can be had for around $2000 that are suitable for occasional two-up riding.
  • Garrett confesses the lust he has in his heart for the Aprilia Tuono V4, which leads us to wonder about evolution of the term “naked bike.”
  • We opine whether the adventure bike segment is over-saturated.
  • In between all this, we invite you to tell us what bikes you think are poised to skyrocket in value. Leave us a comment about the bikes you think are sure-thing investments right now, and we might discuss your suggestion in a couple of weeks.

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False Neutral – Between Something And Nothing

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Classic Captions – Lancia, no make that an Opel, Edition

Sometimes, you have to call an audible. I had a really great Lancia ad lined up for this week, with some really snappy intro copy written and everything. However, while looking for a bit of background on the image online, I discovered that another website had used the very same image for their own classic captions contest a few years ago. Well, we don’t do copycat here at Hooniverse! So I did a last-minute dive into the depths of the “miscellaneous car images” folder on my hard drive and pulled out this image promoting the 1953 Opel. All the ad copy wrote about the ’70s style clothing and the stark environment had to go. Instead, you get this description:

Something something Alpine skater fashions, something something stark Alpine environment.
There you go. Now, look, ponder, and leave a snappy comment.

And boom, that’s it; we’re in with ten hours to spare. Now excuse me while I go check my phone to see if Jeff has texted me wanting to know where my article is.
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False Neutral #32: Intermot & The New 2017 Models

After taking a week off due to travel, the flashy new models shown at the recent Intermot motorcycle show caught our attention this week. Garrett and Eric and I review what’s new for 2017, and of course how we personally feel about the many new and tweaked models. We also discuss Garrett’s TX750 (it’s good news this time!) and Ford Escape shock towers (not-so good news for Eric). We wrap up with a review of the book Save The Triumph Bonneville by John Rosamond and a bit of background on the Meriden Workers’ Cooperative.


The Rust Damage on Eric’s Ford Escape

False Neutral – Intermot & New 2017 Models

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Classic Captions – 1957 Corvette Edition

Some of the promotional images we feature in our weekly Classic Captions Contest have a spin or backstory made very clear by the accompanying ad copy. But when seen out of context, the intended story line is much less apparent, lending the image to many more possible interpretations. Such is the case with the Corvette photo shoot above. What do you think is going on here? Leave your best clever caption in the comments section.
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Classic Captions – Triumph Spitfire Mk3 Edition

It’s a common reverse-cliché in advertising: some product is so intriguing to men that they will ignore a pretty girl en masse when it is present. The supposed humor is predicated on the widely-held belief that there is nothing so alluring, so distracting to the typical male as an atypically attractive female. But wait! In this image, the boys’ behavior has left the pretty woman nearby with a look of disappointment, perhaps exasperation, over not receiving her expected allotment of male sycophancy. The supposed humor is predicated on the widely-held belief that women want nothing beyond having a large number of prospective suitors. These rigidly perceived gender roles might explain to our younger readers why your grandparents were so disappointed that you never wear pretty dresses anymore. Or, that you do wear dresses, as the case may be.

Whether you find the original intent of this ad hackneyed or not, I certainly expect you to come up with a caption for it that the rest of us will find entertaining.
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False Neutral #31: Garrett’s Supermoto Vlog

This week we’re doing something different. Rather than just let you listen to Garrett talk about his YZ450F supermoto conversion, he’s created this helmet-cam video. After he gives us a quick walk-around of the bike, he shares the experience of riding across town and gives us the lowdown on how he converted the bike and what it is like to own and ride.

For those of you who want to listen to the False Neutral in your car or while mowing your yard, the audio track is available as this week’s podcast on ShoutEngine and iTunes, However, the podcast is identical to the narration in the video above, which will provide a much better overall experience. (To be fair, the audio version may be preferable for those of you who have a fetish for heavy breathing and four-stroke engine sounds.)

False Neutral – Garrett’s Supermoto Vlog

Classic Captions — 1974 Vega Edition

I can’t quite figure out what this Vega ad attempts to depict. There are cones and flags and hay-bales, so we’ve obviously we’re at a racetrack, but race drivers rarely pull over and chat during a race. Also, who is this guy crouching track-side? What is that sheet of paper? Why are those two women running with the track flags, and where are they coming from? The most logical explanation I can come up with is that the course marshal is driving the circuit before the first race of the morning to ensure the corner workers are in position and give them the day’s race schedule. When he offered to give the girls a ride out to their assigned spot, they took one look at his Vega and decided to walk it.

But that’s just my take on this photo. You’ll all have your own tongue-in-cheek comments, and we want you to share them all after the jump.
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False Neutral #30: Loose Ends & Auction Bikes

This week’s episode has no special guest, just your three regular hosts. We talk about our own bikes; Garrett found some interesting anomalies inside his TX750 engine. We also talk about bikes we’ve recently seen for sale, both online and in person, and bikes we’d LIKE to see for sale. The discussion wraps up with Pete’s reactions to his visit to the Harper classic bike auction.

NOTE: Rather than include individual photos of Mike Harper’s collection, I’ll simply refer you to my separate Hooniverse article about the auction.

False Neutral – Loose Ends & Auction Bikes

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