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Classic Captions Holiday Bonus – 2014 Honda Grom Edition

2014 Honda MSX125 Grom
It’s Labor Day in the USA today, which means most Hooniversalists are out somehwere, eating grilled food and hopefully blasting around in a boat, in their car, or on their bike. But for those of you who are in other nations, forced to work today, or simply don’t go outdoors, here’s a bonus edition of the Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest for you.

I’ve been holding onto this image for a while, unsure of what kind of response it might generate. It’s only a couple years old, so it’s not exactly “classic,” and bikes in general are a bit of a niche interest on the ‘Verse. But today is a bit of a throwaway, site-traffic-wise, so why not? It’s such an interesting throwback in this era of political correctness and liability fears: here’s a manufacturer’s press photo showing rider doing a burnout while a morsel of cheesecake (fresh from filming a Busch Beer ad, I’d guess) looks on enthusiastically. As for the significance of the ceramic dog and the pop-up shade tent, your guess is as good as mine. In one nod to modern litigiousness, the rider is admittedly pretty ATGATT.

Surely, there are a couple of clever captions for this photo already popping into your head.
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False Neutral #27: Ride That Thing!

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So many of our recent conversations have been about bikes — colors, prices, configuration, wrenching — that we decided it was time to talk about, you know, actually riding the dang things. Before we get to that, we discuss Kawasaki Zephyr 750s and Garrett’s troubled cruise in our “old business” segment. Then, Eric, Garrett, and I delve into the risks, rewards, and hassles of riding motorcycles, from commuting (and why none of us does it too regularly) to the differences between two and three wheels, to day trips and multi-day tours. Skype and audio equipment issues did their best to thwart our efforts this week, but in the end we managed to put together what I think turned out to be a better-than-okay episode.

The YouTube video I mention that demonstrates SMIDSY crash avoidance is embedded after the jump.


False Neutral – Ride That Thing!

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Classic Captions – 1979 Ford Van Edition

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You can count on Classic Captions to bring the retro. Today we risk overdosing on it, with a gale-force assault of ’70s cliches: multicolored tape stripes, porthole windows, white spoke wheels shod with Goodyear Polyglas tires, and that’s just the vehicle! To that, add such tastefully period touches such as the Honda XL dirtbike, a white cowl-neck knit top, wicker platform wedges, plus a director’s chair and a folding web lawn chair. Stare long enough and you can almost hear strains of England Dan and John Ford Coley emanating from an unseen cassette player. The only question is whether it’s a Sanyo or a Panasonic. If you can’t come up with a clever witticism in response to this, your creative juices have turned to powder inside you, like the blood of those victims in The Andromeda Strain. Or perhaps you’re just young enough to have no idea who England Dan and John Ford Coley are. Um…were.
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False Neutral #26: Bold New Graphics! Part 2

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In the conclusion of our discussion about color schemes, graphics, and racing team liveries, we look at Italian bikes and cruisers, before things go further afield (as usual). The merits of gold paint, Buells and mauve racebikes are pondered. Eric goes down a disturbing Japanese Internet rabbit hole, and Garrett follows him.

As always check out pictures of the bikes we discuss on the other side of the jump — 31 this week!
WARNING: several TDR250 images cannot be unseen.


False Neutral – Bold New Graphics! Part 2

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Classic Captions – ZAZ 968 Zaporozhets Edition

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Certain types of ads are richer veins of Classic Captions gold than others. For example, advertising images for malaise era luxury cars, anemic ’80s domestic “sporty” cars, and overly trendy ’90s cute utes each promise a giggle of anticipation even before you’ve seen the ad in question. Now, let’s add to that list Eastern Bloc cars. Communist promo photos of the Soviet era tirelessly mimicked the bright, cheerful sophistication of Western consumer advertising, which only highlighted the somber oppressiveness of life behind the Iron Curtain and the crudeness of the cars built there. This marketing image could almost depict a happy Floridian at Cypress Gardens in the early ’70s. But not quite. Even if the viewer blots out the Zaporozhets, something remains just a bit off. It’s like they were trying a little too hard. And that awkwardness should make it easy fodder for your cleverest comments.
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Thurston Howell Thursday: Jag Stretch Limo

Peter Tanshanomi August 18, 2016 Quick Pics

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When a friend’s daughter recently got married, she and her new husband were whisked away from the church in this Jaguar stretch. I was simultaneously aghast and kinda jazzed at the uniqueness of it. From the general concept to the execution, such as the missing side molding on the added section between the doors, it seems to require a thoroughly misguided concept of what constitutes social status and prestige in order to enjoy. As such, it’s my second favorite ironically cool wedding limo EVAR.

False Neutral #25: Bold New Graphics! Part 1

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Pete, Eric and Garrett are all in attendance this week. After we discuss the current (and prospective) contents of our garages, we explore motorcycle graphics in response to a listener suggestion: production paint schemes, factory race liveries, and various motorcycle makers’ iconic graphic signatures. This episode is on the shorter side for us, but with the overwhelming number of motorcycles we talk about, I thought it best to split it; there are nearly twenty photos of bikes below as it is, and that was a conservative listing! This week we concentrate mostly on Japanese sport bikes and dirt bikes, before moving to European bikes and cruisers next week.

As mentioned in the podcast, be sure to check out the super-duper awesome “I ♥ Sundown Stripes” Facebook group.

My 2010 Hooniverse obituary for Molly Sanders can be found here: Molly Sanders: The guy who programmed your brain


False Neutral – Bold New Graphics! Part 1

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Classic Captions: 1986 Chevy Camaro Z-28 Edition

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This is the part where I introduce this week’s photo and point out a few things to get you excited about developing a witty caption. I mention something cringe-worthy about the car, or point out something about the surrounding image set-up that is hokey, faddish, dated, nonsensical, or annoying.

Obviously, none of that be necessary this week.
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False Neutral #24: Budget Vintage Superbikes

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Surprise! All three hosts are on the podcast together this week, even if I show up a tiny bit late. We discuss a recent Gear Patrol article listing their picks for The Best Vintage Superbikes Under $10,000, and share our own point/counterpoint about the bikes they chose. While our views differed, we all agreed that there are plenty of cool deals to be found from the late ’80s through the late ’90s. Garrett and Eric also briefly update us on their project bikes, and I continue shopping for a new bike.


False Neutral – Budget Vintage Superbikes

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Classic Captions – Gurgel G-15L Edition

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Even though we just featured a Brazilian car three weeks ago, we’re going back to South America in honor of the Summer Olympics currently underway in Rio. This week’s Classic Captions Contest features one of Brazil’s most iconic — or perhaps just most original — homegrown vehicle designs. The Gurgel (“goor-JHEL”) G-15L was a forward control pickup based on Volkswagen running gear, but with a monocoque body of plastic and steel composite construction (called, unremarkably, “Plasteel”) that afforded a very utilitarian 1-ton load rating and 37 gallon fuel capacity.

The photo above illustrates the rugged usefulness of the G-15L, while also appealing to the Brazilian cultural affection for the iconic, self-reliant frontier gaucho. What is the Gurgel driver pointing out to his equine-mounted compatriot, and why? You tell us. Click through to leave your snappiest witticism in the comments.
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