Classic Captions Contest – 1998 Chevrolet Camaro Edition

A few things before we begin this episode of Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest. First, can you believe this body style Camaro is now twenty years old? Will we start seeing collectors plates on fourth generation GM F-Bodies? I’m definitely looking forward to slapping a blue Wisconsin collectors plate on the back of my own beloved Camaro in a few years and laying off the absurd registration fees our pothole-ridden state has.

Second, I chose this old Camaro advertisement from 1998 because after seeing yesterday’s initial images of the refreshed 2019 Camaro, I needed a pick-me-up after the disappointment. The newest Camaro was looking so good and then they just butchered it. Aging Malibu taillights? Silverado and Imapala-esque front ends to differentiate each trim? Bad move, guys. What are your thoughts on this redesign?

Let’s look at a few of the winning comments from our last Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest where we took an intimate look at the perplexed Ross family, who recently purchased the hottest car on sale in 1982, the Plymouth Reliant K.

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Classic Captions Contest – 1982 Plymouth Reliant K Edition

For this week’s run of Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest, we shoot back to 1982. The setting? A quiet farm house on the outskirts of hoppin’ Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. The Ross family takes a moment from supper, to pose with their whip- the stunning, sexy, sophisticated ’82 Plymouth Reliant K.

But before we write this classic 1980s Chrysler advertisement’s backstory- let’s applaud the following two comments from last week’s Classic Captions Contest that featured a 1956 Cadillac.

“Kitty had a little known story. Jack Ruby ensured it stayed that way.” – 0A5599

“Lenny the bag man was right on schedule, and started to cross the street. Floyd reached for the Racing Form with the microfiche tucked inside, ready for the hand off. But, Lenny being Lenny, he never passes up the opportunity to gawk at a passing dame. That’s all it took. In a split second, Spike mashed the gas on the Cad, and Lenny got up close and personal with Spike’s whitewalls. A coup de grâce with a Coupe de Ville.”- I_Borgward

And we’re back to the glorious ’80s. When I was browsing through my favorite online database for old car advertisement photos and brochures, I caught this shot, from a year when we spelt “moneysworth” all as one word. This spontaneous family photo is a bit perplexing. Grandma Eleanor doesn’t seem to mind the quick, casual break from the meal she spent all day preparing. Her tallest son, Roger Ross, in the orange trucker hat had just finished up an exhausting twelve-hour shift at the local Mercury Marine (or “Merc,” we true Wisconsinties call it) shop down near the shores of shallow, sturgeon-filled Lake Winnebago. He really wanted to finish G’ma’s potato turkey bake and get back to work. “Gotta get those boats ready to go in the morning (strong accented emphasis on the “o,” folks),” Roger said to his wife, Dotsie, who smiled uncomfortably waiting for the camera’s shutter to click close. We can’t forget about Edgar Ross, aka “Old Man Edg,” who just decided to out-class his entire family by wearing a bow tie and wool sport coat to dinner,  and demand everyone pose for a Christmas card photo in front of his new, 1982 Plymouth Reliant K.

Your turn to tell the rest of this rural American family’s story or create your own, in the comments section below. Get to it.

Classic Captions Contest – 1956 Cadillac Edition

Can you believe the last time we did a Classic Captions Contest here on Hooniverse was back in January of 2017? If you missed that run, travel back in time to this adventurous family, wearing matching khaki “outdoorsy” outfits posing in front of a rad 1987 Toyota Van. Clearly the father, Scott, is armed and ready to photograph the living daylights out of anything “nature” he sees with his green vest. For this revamp of our hilarious Classic Captions Contest, let’s step back even further to this brochure for Cadillac’s 1956 lineup.

It’s a shame that Cadillac today isn’t the Cadillac they used to be. They made cars that were dazzling and high-class. A sophisticated Detroit image you’d park in your driveway (backed in, of course), to show off to friends, family and the neighborhood that you’ve made it; you’ve accomplished something. Dig up any old sales brochure for Cadillac and you’ll see people dressed to the nines wearing white gloves, hats that belong on top of Frank Sinatra’s head, and pressed suits that almost matched their car’s leather-bathed interior.

Sure, today’s Cadillac still builds a fleet of quality, luxurious and even track-ready vehicles, but they all lack that proud, ambassador-esque flair that, say in this case, a 1956 Series 62 Coupe De Ville (pictured) had. You can’t help but see the image above, and then look at shots of the new XT4 crossover and feel depressed. The posh just isn’t there.

Analyze the advertisement above and write your own story for it. We see a swaggered-up couple walking towards a red Coupe De Ville, while behind them, a mysterious man in a black suit nervously holds what appears to be a styrofoam take-out box clutched tightly under his right arm. Our second mysterious thick-rimmed glasses man, on the right seems to be in-stroll and grasping a brown leather dossier with ____ inside.

You finish the rest. Let the comments section below be your script.

Rotten Rental Car Review: 2018 Toyota Camry

Whenever I travel to Colorado, renting a car is always a gamble. Yes, there are mountains out here and yes it snows, but each time I decline that additional insurance at the rental car company’s check-in desk, the clerk behind the counter starts some persuasive monologue in an attempt to sway me out of my current choice of wheels. It’s almost hilarious, and at times I just want to play along with their game.

Disclaimer: Ignore the word “rotten” in the title. This rental deserves praise rather than comical criticism.

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Hooniverse Fleet Update: The Saabaru at 210,000 Miles

You know that point in vehicle ownership, where your aging car might not be worth a whole lot, things are starting to break and you should probably spend the dollars elsewhere, say on…a new car? Well I’ve reached that with my 2005 Saab 9-2x. But truthfully I love my Saabaru too much.

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How Scion Won with Music

In times where car stereos have goodies like Apple Car Play, touch screens bigger than the TV in my apartment, USB inputs, XM satellite radio, Pandora, aux inputs and Android Auto, I still go rogue with CDs. Heck, that’s even on the way out very quickly. Remember CD wallets? Leather cases filled with new CDs you saved up your week’s allowance to snag off the shelf at Best Buy or Circuit City, and of course- burned CDs with tacky cliche’ labels saying “_____Mix (insert any year of the 2000s)” scribbled-on in Sharpie. I’ve still got one and never plan on getting rid of it for nostalgia’s sake.
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2018 Chicago Auto Show: The Favorites

We’ve looked at a couple new production vehicles and a batch of exciting cars that do all sorts of “race” things, but I can’t forget the other show stoppers seen on the floor at Chicago this year. From multi-million dollar classics to a Hyundai with massive exhaust pipes, here are a couple of my other favorites.

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2018 Chicago Auto Show: The Race Cars

There should be an auto show rule that states “one does not just walk past a race car without stopping and gawking.” While there weren’t a ton of super exciting new product reveals in the windy city this year, there were plenty of not-street legal machines to drool over. From Miatas ready to slay any SCCA course thrown at it, to Acura’s NSX literally completely coated in delicious carbon fiber. Here are a few of the go-fast gems from this year’s Chicago Auto Show.
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2018 Chicago Auto Show: Up-Close with Mitsubishi’s Eclipse Cross

Having talked about this car in an earlier Hooniverse post last year, I wanted to finally see it up-close and personal. Mitsubishi’s newest crossover, the Eclipse Cross brings back a familiar name to Mitsu enthusiasts and new car buyers but in a completely different shape. And I think that shape looks quite well.

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2018 Chicago Auto Show: Hyundai’s New Kona

I couldn’t help but think of the bizarre Citroen Cactus when I finally saw Hyundai’s new “small SUV,” the Kona, up-close. But this is better, much better in my coffee-high opinion. As my aging Saabaru wagon continues to age, my potential list of new “adventure-mobile” replacements grows. The 2018 Kona just earned a spot on it.

First of all the color is a win. There was a gray one on the showroom floor too but it kind of blended in to the carpet below. Second, it has plastic body side panels! Yes, vehicles like Pontiac’s doomed-from-the-start Aztek and the Chevrolet Avalanche had them and well, did it bad, I think the Kona pulls it off well. It almost makes it a bit more outdoors-ready. I could drive it on a dirt road between an aisle of trees on either side and not worry about stones getting chipped up or pine branches gouging it away.

The simple and well-appointed interior, with heated seats, a generous cargo hauling capacity and standard Android Auto/Apple CarPlay, could keep me content on long drives to state and national parks.

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