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The Carchive: The Citroen Dyane

Last week we took a look at Nissan’s vision of an ultra-practical family car for the ’80s – the vertiginously styled Prairie. Today we’re moving a little way back in time, a little way North in latitude, and a little way south on the price lists.

This week’s subject car really does go back to basics. In fact, it’s only a little bit more refined than the even more humble car it was based on. The year is 1970, and we’re looking at the Citroen Dyane – the upscale sister to the iconic Citroen 2CV. Welcome back to The Carchive.

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Adventures in wrenching – Playing the odds

Of the three cars that litter the space immediately surrounding my house, our 1995 Peugeot 306 is by far the easiest to work on. It’s massively less complicated than the Audi or the Rover – it has just the one camshaft, not two or four, and it actuates just two valves per cylinder, not five or four. There aren’t many jobs on this car that I dread – and a recent screeching from the fanbelt was a fault that ought to be easy to remedy.

Even the simplest jobs can have their strange twists, though, and so it was to be with the 306. Read on for a mundane, yet strange tale of consequence and serendipity.

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The Carchive: The 1984 Nissan Prairie

It’s back to brochures for this Carchive installment. The last one we covered was the 1980 Dodge Imports – ostensibly rebadged Mitsubishis that sold on value and economy, yet somehow image and fun, too.

Today we look at a machine with absolutely no sense of vanity, no illusions of grandeur, no upmarket pretentions. The Mk1 Nissan Prairie is a car the likes of which we just don’t see any more – the honest all-rounder.

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Hooniverse Asks: If you could be a car designer….

Chris Haining September 7, 2017 Hooniverse Asks

Who’s watched or read “High Fidelity”? In that superb film / novel, Rob Gordon (John Cusack) decides that his dream job is as a music journalist for Rolling Stone, specifically between 1976 and 1979. He’d get to meet The Clash, Crissie Hynde, The Sex Pistols, David Byrne and get loads of free records. It was a dream based on qualification, time, history and salary not being an object.

During my ‘off grid’ holiday I mostly amused myself by reading, but one night I was strongly taken by an urge to ‘do a car’. The result was ungainly at best, but packed all the multiple pop-up headlamps and four gullwing doors that I set out to achieve, and firmly underlined my favourite era in concept car design – the 80s. As a child of that particular decade, the motorshows of the time would thrill me with their wild show cars, many of which were crammed with a mish-mash of totally incompatible features and design cues.

Compared with the graceful flamboyance of the ’50s, ’80s concepts were purposeful in an angular, functional way, long before the curvy, amorphous 90s and ‘organic’ naughties rolled into view. Hence, if I was to fullfil my former dream of being a car designer, I’d want to to it to be in the era between my own birth and 9th birthday.

If you could be a car designer, what era would you pick?

(Image copyright Chris Haining / Hooniverse 2017)

Off on a tangent: Alternative control techniques

Chris Haining September 4, 2017 All Things Hoon

It was supposed to be a break from cars. We’d been living practically off-grid for a week, beginning with five days in our favourite corner of Cornwall for some R&R, before moving to the ‘Beautiful Days’ folk and rock music festival in Ottery St Mary, Devon.

It was while watching a band called Lau, that I started having impure thoughts. Lau is a Scottish / English folk act with an electronic twist. I had never heard them before, and the music started with all the charm, subtlety and intelligence of your regular folk band. That was until Martin Green fired up his Noise Device. Never before had I seen or heard an instrument sound like this or be played in such a way. And it got me thinking.

What if everything we ever knew about how cars were driven was to change?

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Carchive Special: The European cars that caught me unawares

As we know, true car geeks will feverishly devour any relevant information that comes their way on their journey along the path to enlightenment. The thing is, though, that information doesn’t necessarily arrive in the order you expect it to.

When I was growing up, my local newsagent stocked all the most popular British car magazines, but I had to travel quite a lot farther afield to satisfy my appetite for info on American metal. By 1990 I was pretty well versed on what was happening the other side of the Atlantic – my friends in primary school were probably sick of me going on about the exciting new Chevy Corsica all the time.

I was shocked, then, when the ‘International Car Catalogue’ washed up in the newsagent, to reveal cars you could buy in Europe that I’d never even heard of. I had concentrated so far on automotive treasure near and far, that I’d totally ignored the middle distance.

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eBay finds: W126 Mercedes S-Class….hatchback.

Once upon a time, the hatchback was invented, and we saw that it was good. It allowed small cars a far greater degree of versatility than cars with a separate trunk could offer. Gradually, it dawned on carmakers that this extra practicality shouldn’t be the exclusive domain of the hard of spending, and larger, more comfortable hatchback models came to being.

Until fairly recently, though, hatchbacks never really went beyond the upper mid market. There were loads in the 80s, there was the Ford Granada (or Scorpio in Euroland), the Renault 25, Citroen XM (the hatchback-look CX was a sedan) and, of course, the 1976 Rover SD1 begat the 1988 Rover 800 Fastback. But there was nothing in the premium sector.

Well, if you were a crazy Englishman with a selection of tools and a fistful of determination – it turns out there was.

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The Carchive: The 1980 Dodge Imports

Our last visit to The Carchive took us to mid-sixties Luton, where the Vauxhall Viva veritably glistened with all the trappings of mid ’60s British austerity, providing a striking contrast from the American iron we’ve looked at over the last couple of weeks. We’re heading back Stateside today… or are we?

This 1980 Dodge Imports brochure is a fascinating thing. Not just because so many of the cars herein were processed into Chinese refrigerators years back, but for the fact that Dodge saw it prudent to highlight the non home-grown nature of cars that, nevertheless, bore the Dodge name.

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The changing times of the true Car Geek.

Chris Haining August 11, 2017 All Things Hoon

As a kid, I used to love knowing more obscure facts about cars than anybody else. In primary school, and at the beginning of junior school (before testosterone took over and my school year descended into Lord Of The Flies, albeit a more violent version) my automotive leanings even got me off the hook for wearing glasses and being shit at sport. Knowing about cars was officially approved by the jock contingent.

I’ve kept my car geek persona intact ever since. I’ll stifle a snigger whenever I overhear an incorrect automotive statement from somebody clearly old enough to know better – perhaps I’ll inwardly shake my head and feel a little embarrassed on their behalf. Thing is, the only reason I know stuff is because I’ve cram-read automotive publications for the last thirty years. I suspect the majority of you chaps are the same.  But here’s the thing. Back in the ’90s there was an actual challenge to it. You had to work for your knowledge.

Today’s new generation of car geeks have it way too easy – and it’s damn hard to stay ahead.

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Quick Spin: 2017 Chrysler Ypsilon. Y not?

Five doors, two cylinders, and a wildly inappropriate bonnet badge. What’s not to like?

The Lancia Ypsilon was / is a fascinating footnote in FCA history. Still available new in Italy only, it has long beaten a retreat from other markets, and never made it to the USA despite wearing Chrysler badges in many territories, including the UK. I never fully read the CAR or Autocar reviews of the Ypsilon, preferring to make my own mind up. I know that those two most trusted of organs rated it at three stars out of five, or ostensibly half marks, so it made sense to have a drive, to experience what counts for average these days.

The first thing I’m going to do is to ignore the badging. If I could legitimately chisel those hilariously Aston-Martinesque bewinged Chrysler emblems off this car’s snout and arse, I would. It’s not a Chrysler, not even slightly. And, though last time I drove a Lancia it was a Y10 Turbo, fifteen years ago, I find it hard to think of it as one of those either. It may follow a few cues from the final generation of Lancia Delta, but in recent times the respected Italian name has been whored out in any number of appalling directions, for example being foisted upon on the Chrysler 200 cabriolet to become the Flavia.

It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

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