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For Sale: “Beautiful Italian Paperweight!”

Kamil Kaluski September 29, 2017 For Sale, Terrible Ideas 27 Comments

Beautiful Italian cars. The look fantastic. They sound amazing. They are very fast. And they handle great. What else would a hoon want out of car?

Oh, right. A hoon would want a reasonable price, reasonable reliability, and a reasonable cost of ownership.

That is exactly what the owner, and now seller, of this Maserati wanted. Unfortunately he didn’t get it. So now he is selling the car. I haven’t owned an Italian car (but I have an Italian wife, so it’s kind of the same thing) but I assume that like in a boater’s life – the two best days are the day you buy it and the day you sell it. 

I am going to let this brilliant ad speak for itself. 

The link to the ad is here. Below are additional images of car from the ad in case it disappears. 

Thanks for this amazing link, Tony, my cool Italian friend!

  • Fred Talmadge

    Just one one summer, that’s all I ask.

  • “I don’t have to sell it. It can sit in my garage and I can continue to hate it.”

    Oh, I’ve already got one of those. Thanks anyway.

    • Rover 1

      Only one?

      • Only one that I continue to hate.

        It knows which one it is.

  • Alff

    Being predisposed to poor decisions, I guess I’m lucky that these look like big Preludes to me. That’s probably a subconscious defense mechanism.

    • I find that freaking out over the thought of paying more than about $3500* for a vehicle is also effective in these cases. If not, I’d already have a Lancia Thema 8.32 rotting in my driveway:

      https://seattle.craigslist.org/see/cto/d/1991-lancia-thema-832-by/6318674023.html

      *If the seller is reading this, please don’t construe this as an offer. Probably.

      • CraigSu

        A push bottom spoiler? I’d like to see that in action.

        • I assume it’s just a typo for “spoiled.”

        • Rover 1

          Maybe you have to use your bottom to press the button?
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRTd4Gi_3jI

          • Okay, fine, that is pretty cool. $3650.

            • njhoon

              Not sure if it helps the thought process, but the next video up for me on youtube is “Worlds Most Expensive Mistakes”.

              Just saying…

    • dead_elvis, inc.

      The photos seem to reinforce that. I don’t remember thinking “Accord?!” quite that much when these first appeared.
      The seller managed to shoot this thing from all its worst angles.

  • tonyola

    I’ll pass, thanks – it doesn’t even have the cool hockey-stick taillights. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/92b4a5273d851e285c48b4b6925203483bdbe71092925fc8c5e1c75c4410b637.jpg

  • GTXcellent
  • Maymar

    It really sounds like the only problem is the stupid flappy paddle gearbox (or that all other problems pale in comparison to that one). So…will a 727 Torqueflite swap in? At least that can’t be any more of a stupid idea than buying this with the idea there’ll be no further transmission problems.

    • nlpnt

      For $16k I’d be thinking base Honda Fit or Toyota iA. Three pedals and no breakdowns for a long time.

      • Maymar

        I mean, I drive a Mazda2, so I’ve clearly proven where I’m willing to put my money. But more power and Italian noises and such would be nice.

    • kogashiwa

      The next thing to go would be that Ferrari-based engine, so …

      • Maymar

        Slant-six powered Maserati, backed up by a Torqueflite? I’d be okay with that.

        • kogashiwa

          I was thinking VH45DE but sure 🙂

          • Genuinely, I reckon a 2JZ-GTE would suit this thing. It wouldn’t be a million miles from matching the character of the old 3.2 twin-turbo V8 of the 3200GT, either.

            • kogashiwa

              Would be a fine choice no doubt. The 2JZ-GE in my car sounds pretty sweet at 6000 rpm.

            • Rover 1

              Wouldn’t it be too torquey?

            • outback_ute

              A quad cam Ford V8 would be a great substitute for the Maserati engine. Coyote/TR6060 FTW!

  • Windbüchse

    As beautiful as most Italian cars are (I’ve always lusted for a Bora), fortunately for me, they are too small for my nearly 2M frame to be comfortable….

    Some Maser porn: The music sucks, but the mechanical sounds are sublime:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-4KRHudrAY

  • Craig Dotson

    Reminds me of Sunday evening a week ago while taking the family up to a local campground to set them up for a week of camping and nature study while I return to the daily grind. The weather was nice, if a little warm, and the windy 2-lane road out through a wealthier rural area went over hill and through dale until I notice a small dark slow-moving car ahead.

    It was a ~2010-ish Maserati Gran Coupe. I wasn’t surprised given the relative wealth of the area (horse farms, subdivisions with “Estate” in the title where you can’t actually see a home from the road, many posted “PRIVATE DRIVE” roads with genuine intersection appearances to them etc.) but I was disappointed that he was doing 45 in a 55. For miles. I couldn’t pass because there wasn’t a long enough passing section. I was, after all, driving my 15-year-old pickup truck. And pulling my travel trailer.

    Being held up by a Maserati.

  • theskig

    He isn’t also good at taking pictures