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24 Hours of Lemons: The Buick will roll with The Real Hoopties of New Jersey

Kamil Kaluski May 9, 2017 PBR Buick Regal 10 Comments

We are ready-ish to race! The 24 Hours of Lemons The Real Hoopties of New Jersey is this weekend at the New Jersey Motorsports Park in Millville, New Jersey! Last time we were equally ready but then we blew some gaskets, so hopefully we are now more ready but who the hell knows what sort of disaster will occur when we actually get there.

The car has some new top secret suspension mods and a proper alignment, as opposed to string eyeball alignment. We got a super fresh junkyard engine, too, which is a total crap-shoot.

Most importantly, we improved the aerodynamics front and back! Our newest slave driver created the masterpiece you see above from an inverted Pontiac Grand Prix wing and a shitload of duct tape. He seems to truly get this aspect but his driving skill is a mystery. He’s an auto journalist, which is bad, but he’s also from Boston, so he probably drives like a complete asshole. We will have to wait and see.

If you’re at the race, you will see some shit interesting race cars hoopties and a few cheaty cars. Racing or spectating, chances are that you will have a good time. If you see the mighty Buick, come over and say hi!

  • “Rule 3.J.4. Tow-Strap Locations… The word “TOW” with an arrow is acceptable marking.”

    You’ve got, like, two arrows, not an arrow.

    Best wishes this weekend all the same.

    • 0A5599

      What is the purpose for that rule? It seems like a huge safety problem.

      If the car breaks down on the track and a crew is dispatched to clear the obstruction, the wrecker pulls in front of the disabled car to prepare to haul it off. The wrecker driver needs to get the hook closer to the disabled car, so he shifts into reverse.

      He checks his mirror before backing up, and sees the instruction for “WOT” with an arrow pointed to that spot, so he proceeds to back into the disabled car at Wide Open Throttle.

      • After careful consideration of this very issue, LeMons HQ prefers it this way.

  • CraigSu

    “The car has some new top secret suspension mods and a proper aliment…”.

    Check your spelling, surely you intended to write “ailment”.

  • njhoon

    Why the eff does this race have to be on Mother’s Day? Of all of the days I can’t get away this is the worst.

    • Ugh, tell me about it! It was a week off last year and that was nice.

  • cap’n fast

    so, I see that the traditionalist aux engine cooling system(take the hood off the car) will be in play. finest roadkill tradition.
    but the secret is now out; the stealth package in the engine bay is a four banger. OOOOOOOOOOoooooooo……i feel the roar of power as i read the article. the miracle of infernal combustion as we burn the fuel saved by all the prius and volt drivers in one day! oh happy happy day…..so after crossing the mississippi river then which way do we turn??

  • Joey DaVive

    Secret cran-raspberry coolant additive?