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Classic Captions Contest – Tatra 603 Edition


This week’s contest features a first-gen Tatra T603. The photo is undated, but a safe guess is that it’s circa 1959,  +/- three years, as production started in 1956 and a restyled 2-603 came out in ’62. (The original design is often retroactively referred to as the 1-603.) Inside its homeland — what was then Czechoslovakia — the big rear-engine sedan was only accessible to Communist Party big-wigs. A sizeable number were exported both within and beyond Warsaw Pact nations. It ranked among the most high-end and status-y of Eastern Bloc vehicles: sort of a cold war Czech version of what the Cadillac Escalade was to Y2K Atlanta. Despite the communist devotion to drab utilitarianism and rhetoric about the evils of Western decadence, this was one fancy whip, complete with a couple of primo biatches in skimpy bathing suits caressing the fender — also exactly like most early millennial Escalade photos from Atlanta.

If you’ve been looking for a slam-dunk captions contest, this week is it. From the contrastingly dowdy citizenry in the background, to the ’50s swimsuit styles, to Tatras’ notoriously tail-happy handling, this image is downright preggo with snarky comments that can run in myriad different directions. What are you waiting for?

amco-tops-adLast week’s Amco replacement top ad prompted a veritable avalanche of comments. Climbing to the summit of that pile, we find our own Hooniverse staffer Chris “Rust-MyEnemy” Haining:

“Lady seeks handyman to repair convertible roof. No canvassers.”

Playing Tenzing Norgay to Chris’s Edmund Hillary was über-commenter Alff, who focused on the Fiat m’lady is driving:

“My new Amco top is so good, I’m going to buy another for the floorboards.”

  • Alff

    Eastern European style, while not unappealing, is different than what is seen in the West. Consider, for example, how close together the headlights are.

    • And look at how many headlights there are!

      In communist Czechoslovakia, Tatras flash you.

  • smalleyxb122

    What an interesting design that eschews conventional aesthetics while maintaining some semblance of functionality. Who thinks to go with round windows for their restaurant?

  • “… He described it as long, kind of slim and rounded at the end, with a little eye in the middle. I took a look at it and he was right.”
    “Yes, it sure is a wierd looking car.”
    “Car? Oh, right. Yeah, his car’s funny looking, too. “

  • PaulE

    The girls misunderstood when the pensioners at the cafe yelled out, “Show us your Tatra!”.

  • Like Gertie and Ethel, Tatra built for comfort, not speed.

  • Batshitbox

    Och! Big Party Apparatchik, eh? I scratch my butt on your Tatra!

  • Papa Van Twee

    Three headlights in front scream business, engine in back screams communist party. Take that silly mulleted redneck from America!

  • desmo

    Engineering inspired by nature:
    Tatra front bumper covers.

    • smalleyxb122

      Check out those dagmars!

  • XRSevin

    “The new Tatra 603 will have everyone at the cafe shouting ‘Czech, please!'”

  • Van_Sarockin

    And after a few more Pilsner Urquels, you’ll realize there’s really only two headlights and two portholes, and that girl in the bathing suit is really messing with you.

  • Smile Helga, so everyone will look at you and won’t notice the nasty scar on my leg.

  • H Vaughn

    “Tatra for now, beaches!”

  • boxdin

    We hired women security guards, they were wonderfully effective.