Quantcast

Home » 24 Hours of Lemons »Motorsports » Currently Reading:

24 Hours of LeMons: ‘Sears Pointless’ preview from Sonoma Raceway

Eric Rood March 18, 2015 24 Hours of Lemons, Motorsports 5 Comments

720-Pointless_Lede_Murder_She_Wrote

No, you’re not hallucinating; the 24 Hours of LeMons is once again at California’s Sonoma Raceway this weekend for packed track of wheel-to-wheel action and inaction. Well, maybe you’re hallucinating. But that doesn’t change the fact that LeMons holds its sixth annual “Sears Pointless” at the Track Formerly Known as Sears Point and Infineon Raceway. As has historically been the case, this is one of LeMons most popular races with 180 teams signed up to try their hand on the track’s insane, roller-coaster contours.

The traditional March race at Sonoma occasionally exhibits grumpy weather, but early-week forecasts call for extremely pleasant weather in California’s wine country. This particular field exudes excellence and effluence (as you can see on the unofficial entry list), so follow the jump for what is certainly Hooniverse’s best 24 Hours of LeMons preview yet.

720-Pointless_Bangers_N_Mash

CLASS C

As always, these race previews require a brief moment of explanation about the classes: Class A is for the cars with a prayer of winning, Class B is for cars with a prayer of finishing, and Class C is for those with no prayer of finishing. Naturally, that leaves Class C as the most entertaining and “exotic” of the classes, hosting a survey of oddballs and orphans. This race should feature several spectacular(ly failing) examples, so read on.

(As ever, any comment on classes is made strictly based on heaps of pointless, geeky knowledge accumulated by this LeMons correspondent. All classing decisions are made the day before the race by the esteemed LeMons Supreme Court.)

#81 Pit Crew Revenge (1981 AMC Eagle) – LeMons has seen a few AMC products, but this is the first Eagle and it comes, of course, at the hands of LeMons Legend Chris Overzet. With an early four-wheel-drive system, yards of suspension travel, and the brand’s last-gasp parts-bin raiding, what could possibly go wrong?

#973 Bangers N Mash Presents Smell the Glove Racing (Jensen Healey) – Yes, Neil Peart of the band Rush races this car. And the only way that could be better/worse is if he and/or his teammates are recreating Spinal Tap. I sincerely hope there’s a 18-inch Stonehenge spoiler on the decklid.

#907 Old Crows B (Jensen Healey) – The Old Crows are sure a brave bunch, cashing in a solid V6 Mustang for a 907-engined Jensen.

#981 Bodge Engineering (Rover SD1) – The British Bonanza at this race continues with British Leyland’s finest mediocre V8 product.

#180 Missfits (Jaguar XJ6) – This late-model XJ6 on paper isn’t that bad of a racecar with more than 200 horsepower on tap.That line was nearly typed with a straight face.

Pointless_Westafari

#421 Team Westafari (Volkswagen Vanagon VR6) – The Westafari has likely been on some kind of soul-searching odyssey in the desert for the last two years, but this surprisingly quick VR6-swapped Vanagon returns for some unfinished business. As soon as it gets some coffee, man.

#101 Useless Old People (Isuzu Impulse) – At Thunderhill last year, this poor rare-but-not-remotely-valuable car got a trunk full of M3, but it returns with a rebuilt rear end.

#122 LOL Racing  (Volvo 122) – Also at Thunderhill, LOL’s Volvo 1800 crumpled around a K wall, but the team have since transplanted the 1800’s drivetrain in a straight 122.

#50 Buck Yeager and the Casual Sound Barrier Society (Ford Capri) – The well-traveled and renowned California Capri team are possibly the most laidback race team anywhere on the planet.

720-Pointless_Citron

#827 Le Citron (Pontiac Lemans) – A Malaise Era barge that embodies that time at Le Mans when Cadillac brought Le Monstre to appall the refined French racing fans.

#966 Point Breakers (Chevy Caprice) – Vaya con dios, brah.

#181 The GMObiles (Chevy El Camino) – Wait, is the El Camino just a genetically modified Chevelle? I demand such atrocities be removed from my racing.

#41 Pony Keg (Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme) – I’ll always love these boxy Cutlasses, even when they’re covered in leathery pinto pony skin.

#404 As Seen on TV Racing B (Toyota “Starolla”) – The As Seen on TV crew are generally pretty competent, so don’t be surprised if this team put their sweet little ’80s econobox at the top of the Class C standings.

#210 B210 Racing (Datsun B210) – The most self-evident LeMons team name in all of LeMons-dom.

#197 A Lemon Entry (Nissan Stanza) – Having lived in the Midwest, this writer can’t remember the last time he saw a Nissan Stanza.

#57 Team-Ing WIth Additional Bad Ideas (Austin Mini) – Running a Mini on a track with 180 cars is brave

720-Pointless_MazdaB2200

#4 Pit Crew Revenge B (Mazda B2200) – The famous RV/Rod Millen Tacoma truck returns as a “boat hauler.” Given how this car has looked in the past, it should be good.

#0 LaHonda Bandits Racing Grope (Porsche 914) – I’m still not sure how this car has never won Class C. It seems that a tiny bobble usually costs them just enough time to fall short of a class win.

 

CLASS B

720-Pointless_NYRE_Scirocco

As usual, I’m generally clueless what to say with the middle class in LeMons. This tends to be the crevasse into which slip the crappy-but-reliable and fast-but-unreliable entries. It always remains tough to know what to expect from this class so rather than attempt to describe it, here’s a list of all the teams I’d expect in Class B with a single word prediction that is in no way simply a word picked from a random word generator.

Nope.

Not one aciculated madreporite.

Number Name Year Make Model Prediction
7 New York Rock Exchange A 1984 Volkswagen Rabbit Reobligation
8 Team Tinyvette 1969 Opel GT Conglutinated
9 New York Rock Exchange C 1987 Volkswagen Scirocco Nonsaponification
13 Team 5150 19771 Datsun 240Z/E-Type Convincingness
15 Welcome to the Fairmont 1978 Ford Fairmont Dioptral
19 Thunderchicken Extra Crispy 1990 Ford Thunderbird Super Coupe Cellae
21 Ass Kickers Anonomous (sic) 1998 Ford Escort Sidewheeler
27 Model T GT and Pinto Bean Bandits C 1976 Ford Pinto Madreporite
40 Neon Pope 1997 Dodge Neon Verified
44 Stick Figure Racing 1987 Toyota MR2 Josep
51 Stealth Alien Hunters 1988 Pontiac Fiero Kinky
62 Queen Victoria 2000 Ford Crown Victoria Partizanship
63 Dirty Little Freaks 1979 Mercedes 300CD Minim
67 Model T GT and Pinto Bean Bandits C 1975 Ford Pinto Knighthood
68 1% Racing Party Vikings 1987 Ford Mustang Incapacity
76 Rustang 1971 Ford Mustang Thermotaxis
79 Finger Tight Racing 1988 Ford Mustang Aluminite
86 Culo a La Quiebra Carreras-Broke Ass Donkey Racing 1988 Toyota Supra Assouan
90 Pure Evel 1991 Saturn SC2 Eunomy
91 Fiero Libre Jackson 1987 Pontiac Fiero Arthur
93 Van Gogh 1993 Dodge Caravan Horn
96 CatTurn Racing 1995 Volkswagen Jetta Liquidising
105 Sheepshaggers A 1984 Chevy Camaro Landless
108 Avis Race-A-Car 2004 Chevy Aveo Chameleon
111 White Trash Barbie Racing III 2000 Saturn SC2 Tokoloshe
114 Re-Start Racing 1991 Ford Ranger Lagomorphic
131 Delinquent Racing 1996 Ford Taurus SHO Earmuff
136 Faulknor’s Alter Ego 1995 Volkswagen Golf Harbor
150 Nerd Herd 14.5 1994 Ford Mustang Aciculate
154 The 5150 Gang 1995 Audi Quattro Bilection
171 Old Crows A 1996 Ford Mustang Willaert
173 Space Racing 1986 BMW E28 Unconsumed
182 The Black Flags 1983 Toyota Celica Supra Starlighted
191 Aqua Volvo 1979 Volvo 242 Enforcer
198 Pizza Planet Delivery 1988 Mazda B2200/Rotary Juramentado
199 Pit Crew Revenge AMC 1999 Subaru Legacy Unmodified
200 Dudes Ex Machina 1980 Datsun 200SX Urtication
241 Car Error Panamericana 2001 Saturn SL2 Repique
245 Bernal Dads Racing B 1985 Volvo 245 Dearly
260 Led 260Zeppelin 1974 Datsun 260Z Overspecialized
261 Lou Glutz Motorsports 1991 Ford Escort Iranian
282 Pinewood Dirtbags 1976 Chevy Luv Chitter
289 Tired Iron Racing 2 1988 Honda CRX Revacating
301 Livermorons 1990 Honda Civic Aphasiac
302 Learning2Turn B 1994 Pontiac Firebird Unindulged
390 Rep-Eat-Offenders 1987 Volvo 240 Roundelay
408 KRRT (Killer Rabbit Racing Team) 1988 Volkswagen GTI Famacide
414 Oktoberfest Racing 1970 BMW 2002 Capelin
480 Bridgeway Bombers 1987 Alfa Romeo Spider Solitary
484 Pinewood Dirtbags 1976 Chevy Luv Harappa
502 The Hasselhoffs 1992 Toyota Paseo Tripping
515 Mustang Sally and the Psychoderelcs 1997 Ford Mustang Semiotical
519 ASSCAR Racing 1996 Ford Crown Victoria Sourish
687 Blue Oak School 2002 Mazda Protege Schiavone
695 Team Black Bird 1976 Chevy Camaro Lacedaemonian
733 Team Delivery Driver – Avoid the Noid 1985 Honda CRX Dunderheadedness
776 Star Spangled Buttholes 1991 Nissan Sentra Jahvist
805 Jackalope Jockeys 1977 Volkswagen Rabbit Vendor
888 Myopic Motorsports 1995 Ford Thunderbird Subtotemic
908 Easy 908/14 1973 Porsche 914 Bittersweet
911 Hella Shitty Racing C 1983 Porsche 911 Pia
916 PicknPull-ed Pork Racing 1968 Ford Mustang GT Transmake
928 Dirt Poor-sche Racing 1983 Porsche 928 Storying
959 Sin City LeMons 1985 Volkswagen GTI Chickenshit
967 John Galt Racing 1974 BMW 2002 Curvet
999 Petty Cash Racing B 1998 Volkswagen Jetta Holiness

OVERALL/CLASS A

720-Pointless_Homer

If you’re a betting human person, you should know that four teams in this race have 21 wins combined between them: Cerveza Racing’s BMW E28 (7), Eyesore Racing’s Mazda Miata (6), the Model T GT (5), and the Porch Racing/Depend Porsche 944 (3, all consecutively at Sonoma). I’d wager on one of them coming out on top with Sour Aviation Racing (Ford Mustang), Tired Iron Racing (Mazda Miata), The Faustest Team (BMW E30), Clergy MC (Mazda Miata), and maybe the EDBD Racing (Eagle Talon) putting up a fight in the Top 5.

Because it’s patently obvious at this point that I’m tossing this together at the last minute, here is a list of every car I’d expect in Class A, ranked by team name:

#89 The Homer by Porcubimmer Motors (BMW E30, above)

#45 The Last Ride of Hector Salamanca (Honda CRX)

#428 Totally Mediocre Ninja Turtles (Infiniti G20)

#298 The Tom Clancies (BMW E28)

#508 Motordead (BMW E30)

#159 Dog Daytona (Nissan 300ZX)

#117 The Fat and the Furious (Geo Metro-Gnome)

#17 Bunny With Or Without A Pancake On Its Head (Volkswagen Rabbit)

#5 Hella Shitty Racing (BMW E30)

#14 Julius Seizure (BMW E36)

#132 Agitated Agrarians (Ford Mustang)

#383 Pinewood Dirtbags (BMW E36 M3/Chevy Luv)

#10 SchtuffNZPants (BMW E36)

#20 The Homey Depot (Nissan 240SX)

#431 Team Petty Cash (Jeep Cherokee)

#88 Bullet Bill (Ford Mustang)

#226 Half-Life Racing Ra-D-Um (Mazda Miata) and #137 Half-Life Racing Seize-Z-Um (Nissan 300ZX)

#666 IWannaRoc (Chevy Camaro)

#711 Learning2Turn (Chevy Corvette)

72-way tie for last

 

As usual, you can follow live timing from Specialty Timing’s website or on the Race Monitor app for Smartphones or devices. However, this race will also have live streaming from the racetrack all weekend on Racer Connect, who are also offering up $125 to the highest finisher in each class with a Racer Connect sticker on the car.

I’m sure we all feel enlightened now. Here are some things to know about the race and its assorted-and-sordid history. Oh, and there’s some money on the

SOME MILDLY IMPORTANT INFORMATION
Event name  Sears Pointless
Saturday Session (Pacific Time)  10:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.
Sunday Session (Pacific Time)  9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
LeMons Lap Record 1:56.6 Off the Scale (Mazda RX-7)
Overall Winners 2010 – Eyesore Racing (Mazda Miata)
2011 – POS Racing (BMW E30)
2011 – Model T GT (Ford Model T-ish)
2012 – Eyesore Racing (Mazda Miata)
2013 – If It’s Not Punk It’s Junk (BMW E34)
2013 One-Day – Cerveza Racing (BMW E28)
2013 – Porch Racing (Porsche 944)
2014 Sprint – Pistola Alto (Nissan 300ZX)
2014 – Porch Racing (Porsche 944)
2014 – Porch Racing (Porsche 944)
2015 – Eyesore Racing (Mazda Miata)
Class B Winners 2010 – Filthy Faux GT40 (Ford Escort ZX2)
2011 – Team Harlequin (Volkswagen Golf)
2011 – OLD Fast Racing Team and Sons (Audi 4000)
2012 – Sierra Auto Recycling (Ford Crown Victoria)
2013 – The Flyin’ Hawaiians & 2 White Guys (Datsun 260Z)
2013 One-Day – Dirty Duck Racing (Volkswagen Rabbit)
2013 – Panting Polard Bear Racing (Ford Crown Victoria)
2014 Sprint – Team Prestige (Mercedes C230)
2014 – Hella Sh***y Racing (Volkswagen Beetle)
2014 – 42 Hours of MeLons (Volvo 245)
2015 – ONSET/Tetanus West (Chevy Cavalier)
Class C Winners 2010 – San Diego Minis (Austin Mini)
2011 – Team Tinyvette (Opel GT)
2011 – Team Last Minute (Dodge Colt)
2012 – The Hasselhoffs (Toyota Paseo)
2013 – The Flaming A-Holes (Jaguar XJ12)
2013 One-Day – Spank’s Mini (Austin Mini)
2013 – Miami Vice (BMW 850i)
2014 Sprint – Hella Sh***y Racing (Volkswagen Beetle)
2014 – Pinewood Dirtbags (Chevy LUV)
2014 – The Black Flags (Toyota Supra)
2015 – Aqua Volvo (Volvo 242)
Index of Effluency Winners 2010 – Air Prance (Citroen D Special)
2011 – Team Tinyvette (Opel GT)
2011 – Soccer Moms (Plymouth Voyager)
2012 – Oly Express (Plymouth Valiant)
2013 – The Flaming A-Holes (Sunbeam Imp)
2013 One-Day – Spank’s Mini (Austin Mini)
2013 – The AMCI Starletans
2014 Sprint – Hella Sh***y Racing (Volkswagen Beetle)
2014 – Panting Polar Bear Racing (Rambler Classic)
2014 – Rustang (Ford Mustang)
2015 – Spank’s Moke (Austin Mini Moke)

[Photos: Murilee Martin]