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Classic Captions – The 1987 Suzuki Samurai Edition


Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post, and once again, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have an image of the Original Cute Ute…


Last time, we had an image of a Chevy Monza disguised as a Buick, and the participation level was a bit better this time, with a lot of clever one liners. The runner-up comment was from SSurfer321, and it was the prevailing theme for this particular round: “The neighbors all gathered around young Jimmy, celebrating his achievement. Proving to old Mrs. Hag that, yes, you can polish a turd.” Har, Har, very funny, but it was a one two punch that really took the prize this time.

Like I said, one comment set up the joke, while the comment that followed brought the house down. It was mkep819 who set it up with this comment: “Shouldn’t you close the windows before you wash it, Otis?”. With that, it was P161911 who followed with this very funny line: “With these panel gaps, it don’t matter.” So, for the first time since I re-started this feature, we have co-winners. Congratulations, and keep on participating.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and it is an image for the 1987 Suzuki Samurai. This was an unlikely success for the smallest of Japanese Car Makers during the 80’s and these things were selling like virtual hotcakes, right up until Consumer Reports published the fact that these little trucksters would tip over with little or no provocation. But before any of that, the Samurai enjoyed being the center of attention in these little cheeky ads, both on television, and in print. This image has it all, from the friendly grocer, to the guy with a Submarine Sandwich that is actually longer than the truck, with a beautiful and fun-loving babe in the open back seat. I just wonder what the other two people behind the vehicle are suppose to be doing? Also, is this really the way to sell a small 4X4? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (Like how are they going to store that Sandwich in the vehicle), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this unusual image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

  • Hero Dreams of Samurai.

  • Joe S

    It matches my sweater vest perfectly!

  • $kaycog

    Good job, mkep819 and P161911, on winning! Here's a 60's Buick for each of you.

    <img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2jGoVQ-Uzkg/UXKrbYgI04I/AAAAAAAAbDs/yz6HXZE7xYo/s1600/super-car-with-hot-girl-b-12fb4.jpg"width="500"/&gt;

    • Irishzombieman☆

      Congrats mkep819 and P161911! You prize this week: Firestone Parabola. How can a beer this strong be this smooth? I have no answer.

      But I love the way it makes my lips buzz.

      <img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JDGiHhg4OCA/UbDbOBkr3LI/AAAAAAAAAbM/jKt_DGuNFjs/s1600/Parabola2.jpg&quot; width=400>

      • Scandinavian Flick ★

        If you dig strong and smooth, have I got a beer for you…

        <img src="http://i.imgur.com/I4lxF1C.jpg&quot; width="400">

        • Irishzombieman☆

          Ooh. That looks good. Will watch for that. Easy to find?

          • Scandinavian Flick ★

            Not particularly, sadly. I managed to find it at BevMo a couple times. Some places with a good craft selection tend to have at least some Allagash brews, but not always the Curieux. With the Curieux you can really notice the bourbon afterglow. The flavors hit you one at a time in a way that encourages you to savor it, but really easy to get a buzz that sneaks up on you, as it is just that smooth.

            • Irishzombieman☆

              Watch for Firestone Double DBA (not normal DBA). Different beer altogether, but similarly excellent, similarly boozy, similarly sneaky.

              • Scandinavian Flick ★

                Oh man, the description of that one sounds fantastic. I will definitely keep an eye out for that.

                I need to go on a beer shopping trip… Just finished up the last of my Chimay this weekend, and it's time to restock on the good stuff.

                • Irishzombieman☆

                  Any of the strong Firestones are amazing. Parabola (above) and Sucaba are the other two, but Double DBA, man, it's got something special going on with it.

                  I've had a Chimay twice. My wife won't let me buy more beer until I finish what I've got (rough problem to have, hey?). I think the next buying spree's going to be a lot of Belgian stuff.

                  • Scandinavian Flick ★

                    That does sound most excellent. I will definitely keep an eye out and give them a try.

                    Chimay is one of my favorites. The red is my favorite by far, and the yellow is fantastic as well. The blue… eh.

    • mkep819


      And a big thanks to my teammate P161911 for hitting my softball over the fence…

      <img src=http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608011058187338690&pid=1.7>

  • PotbellyJoe ❤❤❤❤♡

    Sure you got his groceries, but I stole that asshole's car, let's go Lorraine! Seriously Lorraine, you only took the flowers? What is wrong with you? Yeah, just sit back there. "that way the police shoot you first. This IS L.A. after all." (he mumbled to himself)

  • skitter

    … and in America, there is meat and produce year round. And they drive their personal cars right through the middle of the store.

  • dwbf11

    The Suzuki Samurai: Delivering delicious lunches to bro truckers stuck on the trail since 1981.

  • tonyola

    "Don't put that sandwich in here. It'll make the Suzuki flip over!"

  • Alcology

    As predicted, the size jokes didn't stop when Steve bought his Samurai.

  • Sunshine

    Here's your party, "roll".

  • Irishzombieman☆

    People v. Suzuki Motors USA
    Exhibit D
    Security camera still of one of the first Samurai instability incidents

    The pedestrians didn't notice the tumbling Suzuki hurtling toward them until it was too late. The grocer, identified by the newspaper as "Jolly" John Mortgenson, and the sandwich guy died with what looked like smiles on their faces. The old lady with the cake never saw what hit her. Only Sid Deprez seemed to grasp the situation, and only he survived. But from that moment until the day he died, he burst into tears anytime he smelled unburned charcoal.

  • Van_Sarockin

    Take it from me, boys, the Samurai can make your six-foot sub look like a ten-foot sub, if you know what I mean.

  • SSurfer321

    George pointed, indicating that loading the sub sandwich would push his Samurai's capacity past its tipping point.

  • The infamous "Samurai Sub Shop" skit is considered Fridays most blatant SNL rip-off attempt.

  • mkep819

    Since buying the Suzuki, George wanted nothing to do with anything on a "Hard Roll"

  • Devin

    Suzuki wanted to have an ad that showed how the Samurai could take you anywhere. They imagined expansive deserts, dense forests, mountain vistas. Instead, they got the set of the obscure Canadian sitcom "Sid's Sandwich Shoppe."

  • Devin

    Pictured: Dinner, Rolls.

  • wunno sev

    The happy times were not to last. Shortly after this photo was taken, Eric started the little Samurai's engine. The entire family was immediately killed in a tragic rollover accident.

  • Eric Rood

    Joey Corleone smiled as he pulled away from the wise-guy grocers, Ed and Wilton, whose own smiles faded as the words "You're next" resonated across the cobblestone streets. Mrs. Corleone turned to wave, grinning in the back seat and oblivious about why Joey had insisted the shovel get the off-roader's front seat. Ed's grip on the four-footer wavered while he read the tailgate's custom badging aloud: "Sicilian Samurai."

    [Well, that got dark.]

  • mkep819

    The Beverly Hills grocery stores sure have some fancy shopping carts.

  • CherokeeOwner

    "Uh, I appreciate the sandwich Jim, but could you have made it just a touch smaller?"

  • "Thanks for carrying my groceries, party lunch and gardening supplies back to the house for me, guys. With Petunia back there I can't even fit my own head in this Samurai!"

  • hwyengr

    With apologies to The Simpsons…

    "Are you still eating that sandwich?"

    "Two more feet, and we can fit it in the Samurai."

  • Neen85

    (Why is it that James is always trying to stick me in the rear when Bradley comes to town?)

  • Alff

    "That's a very big sandwich. Did you get that to compensate for your tiny … 4×4?"

  • FЯeeMan

    Jennifer never did understand why Alex and Jeff liked to sit together with the party sub up front, but she didn't really mind the breeze, and she did get the leftovers.

  • c-son

    "Now that is what I need you to come back with, when I tell you to go pick up groceries and make me a sandwich."

  • hwyengr

    Real entry:

    Everyone had a good chuckle about all the things that Ron couldn't fit in his new truck.

  • If you're gonna carry that sub in a car, you'll need to get a Pacer.

  • "Listen buddy, I'm not standing out here all day! This is your third trip home, home many trips does it take to bring home one stinking cart of groceries in the stupid little thing!"

  • (Not a caption entry) I'm currently trying to talk my neighbor out of selling his pre-Samurai Suzuki SJ40. He got a Samurai to replace it.

  • They all tried their best to distract one another, but the kerning loomed still.

  • dr zero

    Having seen what Christ Deli could do with one loaf of bread, Michael decided to see what they could do with his 4×4.

  • ldl123

    If you can read this, the Bitch fell off.

  • Ed H

    "Where will this sub sandwitch fit?"

    "Bend over and I will show you!"

  • BobWellington

    "Put that back in your pants, Jimmy!"