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Classic Captions – The 1971 Pontiac Grand Prix SSJ Hurst Edition

Jim Brennan February 25, 2014 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 30 Comments


Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. Yes, it’s that time of the week in which this feature appears, so once again it’s time to review the premise of this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies (or in this case, Car Equipment Providers) in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week we have an interesting picture of a Special Edition Pontiac, with Miss Hurst Golden Shifter herself included!


Last time, we had an image of a Street Gang with a Dodge Daytona, and we had a pretty good turnout for the week. However, I want to show my appreciation for all of our fans on how you conducted your comments this time. We learned a lot, especially from dukeisduke, who brought to our attention how significant “Big Willie” Robinson was in the Los Angeles Street Scene during the 70’s and 80’s. You may not have won the caption contest, but you did win my gratitude in bringing this significant person to this Hoons attention.

So let’s get back to the contest… The runner-up comment was from one of our more frequent guests, skitter. His caption went like this: “Some say he throws a Dodge Daytona in the shot put. And also, somewhat controversially, in the Javelin.” This was a very well thought out caption, but there was one just a bit better…

This week, the winning caption came from Alff (Yes, Again…), and his winning caption went this way: “What’s the part that tends to break, When there’s too much torque about? Shaft!” This was very funny, and period correct, so congratulations Alff on winning the Caption Contest.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks entry, and we must all hail Miss Hurst Golden Shifter herself, the voluptuous Linda Vaughn. Miss Vaughn was the spokes model for Hurst Performance Products, from about 1964 right up through present day, though it has been written that she relinquished the Miss Golden Shifter title in the mid 1980’s. The Pontiac in this advertisement image was a special custom conversion that was performed by Hurst and sold through select Pontiac Dealers. How many were sold, and what equipment was installed beside Paint and Trim is a mystery to me, but according to the original ad, the White Letter Tires and Special Wheels were optional. Now, is this really the way to sell a special model to the general public in the waning days of the Muscle Car, or did the Hurst Company hit the nail on the head? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate on the merits of each entry, and after contemplating our own caption (You know what I will be zeroing in on…), we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this provocative image.

Photo Credit: Classic Cars Today Online

  • $kaycog

    Yay, Alff! Good job on having the winning caption! Your prize from me is a Charger Daytona.

    <img src="http://chivethethrottle.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/1969-charger-daytona-920-16.jpg"width="500"/&gt;

  • Steve v.

    The drapes match the carpet

    • krazykarguy

      The ginger jokes didn't take long to surface, did they?

  • $kaycog

    This is the model that most guys want to shift so badly that it Hurts.

    • Irishzombieman☆

      She really ought to Shifter feet off the leather.

  • OA5599

    Linda was careful how she introduced herself, ever since that unfortunate incident when someone thought she said "shower".

  • In a few years both these models would have too much plastic added.

  • Devin

    One of the pictured models has dual airbags as standard equipment.

    • Prince Halibrand

      I'm sure they are standard. This was back before they were available for aftermarket installation.

  • The first time she showed up in her new Hurst Grand Prix, she got a lot of attention. She got even more when she popped out of her top.

  • Neen85

    Fortunately for Miss Vaughn (and the rest of the automotive world); government regulation of 'UnRedded Only' was still a few years away.

  • Irishzombieman☆

    The mile-long Pontiac flew down the road like a white-and-metal-flake-gold starship moving at Warp Factor 10, deftly and skillfully avoiding the lesser vehicles controlled by lesser primates that crowded the tarmac like astroids, and insignificant moons. It reached a relatively clear section of pavement and engaged its hyperdrive, zoomed through time and space at infinitely improbable speeds until it jinked when it should've janked, and the carship and its Barbarella-esque pilot exploded in a supernova of hyperbole.

  • I've got nothing to contribute, except that there's a LOT more of Ms Vaughn here.

  • wisc47

    The 1971 Pontiac Gran Prix SSJ Hurst now comes with standard Sun-ny and Cher roof.

  • SSurfer321

    Were she any taller, that sunroof would be a moonroof!


  • First Pontiac then Carroll Shelby. Linda has had a long career of killing automotive icons.

  • Next best thing to topless.

  • Jofes01

    She was surprised by how well the diet had worked. Two months ago she couldn't even get half her torso through the sunroof.

  • Alcology

    Headlights out again?

    • Alcology

      Your headlights are out.

  • <img src="http://i.imgur.com/bZXxMv8.jpg&quot; title="Hosted by imgur.com" />

  • MrDPR

    <img src="http://i.imgur.com/lfKHSNr.jpg&quot; title="Hosted by imgur.com"/>

    Not your father's Oldsmobile, but it was Grandma's Pontiac!

  • Bsphill

    She was well known in the Dancing Scene
    A Gold Medallion like never seen
    She was the one and only Disco Queen

  • Bsphill

    Does this thing make my butt look big?

  • fodder650

    He said to get the best conditions for the sale that I needed to be facing this direction but I don't get it. The wind isn't coming in from this direction. It would make more sense to face about ten degrees to the right.

  • POLAЯ☄TexanIdiot25

    Cousin It spent a lifetime packing money away from his days on TV only to have his niece, That, blow it all on a revealing haircut and a Pontiac.