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Hooniverse 24 Hours of Lemons Racing – Project Update 2

Kamil Kaluski October 22, 2013 24 Hours of Lemons, Featured 43 Comments

front end shot lemosn buick

The race is this weekend and we are almost on schedule. Our Park Bench Racing #451 2002 Buick Regal is physically complete and ready-ish to race at the 24 Hours of Lemons Halloween Hooptiefest at New Hampshire Motor Speedway. We’re waiting on tires from our sponsor, BFGoodrich, thank you so SO much, which should be here by Wednesday, and there are about a dozen other minor things, listed below, that need tending to.

Aside from the car, personal safety is an issue that each one us took upon himself. I have a helmet but I don’t have a race suit, race undies, shoes, or gloves. Also, everyone has been telling to get a HANS device, evidently because they care enough about me being alive, or at least not in a vegetative state. But this safety stuff is not cheap.

The basic Lemons-spec safety gear, sans helmet, can be purchased for between $300-$400. A fancier, multi-layered, suit and accessories can easy double that price, and that is still just the starting point of which $1000 can easily be reached. HANS device is a whole other thing, with prices ranging from $600 to $1000. Ouch!

I did the math, because a fool and his money…, and then I googled. In the end I ended up renting a multi-layered suit, shoes, gloves, and a HANS device from racesuitrental.com. The whole thing is $275 + $850 in deposit. I have also purchased a pair of proper socks. I have not made a decision on racing underwear, which is not required, but suggested, with my fancy race suit. I like this renting idea, because if after this race I decide that racing isn’t for me, I won’t have thousandths of dollars worth of stuff sitting around the house.  

Hit to the jump to see what else we got left to do, some exciting news, and sponsor update…

lemons 24 andy

Andy working on the bench/spoiler, under which we grew some grass.


Justin Lapriore, of letsmakemedia.com, whose videos you have seen here and here, contacted me about making a documentary video on our 24 Hours of Lemons racing attempt, and Lemons overall. Judging by Justin’s other videos, this is going to be great!

lemosn buick roof pond

Our fishing pond, with beer cans floating around, and a froggy. Still looking for the “fisherman”


  • BFGoodrich is sending us a set of set of g-Force Sport COMP-2 tires. Stay tuned for more details on these tires.
  • Turner Motorsport will provide us with some high-temp brake fluid. Thanks guys!
  • Anonymous donor and the Hooniverse overlords gave us some cash for race-related expenses and fees. Thanks again!
  • Blipshift.com will hook us with some t-shirts! Maybe hoodies too, since it’s gonna be cold!

lemons 24

To-do list:

High Priority:

  • Schedule appointment for tire change – Andy
  • Get BFG tires and mount Wednesday – Andy
  • Get spare parts – Kamil
  • Create race day notebook – Andy/Kamil
  • Clean and prep car trailer – Justin
  • pack tools, spare parts – Andy/Justin
  • Mount or secure parking brake – ??
  • Acquire and mount skeleton or other Halloween character – ??
  • Create a history book for the judges – Justin
  • Secure lower radiator hose – Justin
  • Acquire and install windshield banner and sponsor stickers – Kamil
  • Contact pit crew worker/slave/manager guy – Kamil
  • Pit call sign – ??
  • Bottle holder and bottle (is it even legal?)
  • Judge’s BRIBES!!! – Kamil

Medium Priority:

  • Alignment
  • Mount lemons on car
  • Replace brake fluid on Friday
  • Lists of hotels, gas stations, junk yards, repair shops, restaurants, coffee shops, liquor stores (tax free, baby!), and strip joints!

Low Priority:

  • Side exit exhaust
  • Gauge cluster visor
  • Door schemes with drivers’ names

rear shot lemons buick


  • SSurfer321

    You definitely want underwear with a rented race suit. That's not someplace you go commando.

    • I like live adventurously!

    • Scandinavian Flick ★

      Never go commando in another man's fatigues.

    • Just don't rent the underwear. Ewww!

  • JayP2112

    The offset on those Mustang wheels look pretty damn good.

  • …is that Meatwad on the driver's rear door?

    • fodder650

      Its an homage to Kyle Busch's M&M NASCAR.

  • "Bottle holder and bottle (is it even legal?)"

    I've seen people use CamelBaks or similar systems hanging from the roll cage behind the seat, but if you mean a separate bottle that must be picked up and held, then that's a very bad idea. Running a length of tubing up under the helmet is one thing, but opening the visor to take a swig of something hand-held is entirely another. Besides, it also violates this:

    "3.24: Cockpit De-Scuzzification: Anything loose in the cockpit can be a deadly missile in a crash; remove or secure any loose items…."

    • Thanks for that, I just realized that I need a steady intake of caffeine when I'm awake, and I just threw that on the list.

      • MVEilenstein

        CamelBak full of iced coffee?

    • Yep, a Camelbak with an extra long insulated tube works well for us.

  • fodder650

    So for the NASCAR paint we went with a nod to Jeff Gordan and Kyle Busch. Nice start.

    • Is that what that is?
      I have no idea. The only thing I know about NASCAR is that they only turn right.

      • fodder650

        They have road courses and do race the other direction on some tracks as well. Anyway I knew you wouldn't know that so that's why I replied with it.

        <img src="http://joegibbsracing.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/2013-mms-kylebusch-layout.jpg&quot; width=500 />

        <img src="http://www.jayski.com/schemes/2011/sprintcup/24drivetoendhunger-lfront-facebook.jpg&quot; width=500 />

        • MVEilenstein

          I almost gave up M&M's when they showed up on the 18 car. Still not sure I can forgive them.

          • fodder650

            I attended my first NASCAR race in 2008 at Pocono. First I see things like sponsored trash cans but that didn't surprise me as this. The drivers were being introduced and "#18 Kyle Bush" and this huge set of BOO's goes across all of Pocono. I was just getting into the series and didn't understand the hate then i got into Nationwide and the Truck series and I understood it. I understood how I could hate a driver who thinks he deserves one hundred wins and will do it by beating up on the JV NASCAR series. I don't know who I dislike more him or Marco Andretti over in IndyCar.
            Wait who am I kidding I dislike Marco more because he crashed Sarah Fisher out of the Indy 500 years ago. Still I can't stand Kyle what a d-bag.

            • MVEilenstein

              Marco is no Mario, and he knows it. Heck, he's no Michael or John, for that matter.

              • fodder650

                Sarah Fisher took out a 2nd mortgage to be able to race that year and he crashed her and Tony Kanaan out by trying to take a lower line.

          • smokyburnout

            <img src="http://www.reocities.com/MotorCity/3627/carmove.jpg"/&gt;
            If they brought back the Skittles scheme, I'd have to ask myself if I love Skittles more than I hate Kyle.

            (Spoiler alert: I do)

        • NASCAR knows their target market. There was a K&N NASCAR race (4th tier series) on Friday of Peiti LeMans. Sponsors included Krispy Kream, Moon Pies, and Glock.

  • Don't forget about racing diapers, too.

    • OA5599

      How do you tell a racing diaper from, say, a crazy astronaut diaper? Look for the racing stripes.

  • Scandinavian Flick ★

    I am really digging that theme. Nice work!

  • fodder650

    Hey Kamil did you choose the 451 number? That may be bad karma for a race car.

    <img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41rTMjCsyBL._SY344_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg&quot; width=500 />

    • No, assigned.

      And thanks, ass!

  • The car is nice and everything, but is that a rail speeder I see in the background of the lead photo? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speeder

    • Yes! Andy and Justin may or may not work for a top secret railroad company in western Mass, just of I-90, southwest of Palmer.

      • Zaxbys

        Heh, if that's a Railway Motor's Speeder, it was made about 12 miles from my current residence. The factory was also just off I-90, but in the middle of the country

    • I was wondering that same thing.

  • Very smart to rent the safety gear for your first race. It's a significant investment, and not something you want to buy unless you're sure.

    I'm still rocking the foam donut. I know, not smart, but every time it comes time to race, I'm already buried in expenses so thoughts of buying a HANS becomes a low priority. I might actually rent one for my next race, since there's a chance it might be my last for quite a while.

    • Foam donut here, too. I've been told I'm not necessarily an ideal role model for best practices.

      • In your defense, your car doesn't go fast enough to cause potential injury if you hit something 🙂

        I kid of course.

        • Oh, please. I've demonstrated that I don't even need a car to injure myself at a LeMons race, just a traffic cone and inappropriately-timed sobriety.

  • Felis_Concolor

    Before I identified that loop in the first photograph, I thought your team were all fans of Japanese monster movies.

  • buzzboy7

    I made sure to jump in head first. Multilayer gear for my first ever race. Luckily I( and the rest of my team) was hooked by the shiny lemons bait.

  • I like that you're optimistic enough that you'll be ahead of someone that you made 'LEMON' readable from behind. 😀

    • Not really, it's more of a warning for those lapping us.

  • Pinkerton1

    Congratulations for keeping the Hooniverse entry in the spirit of the rules. No BS laps, and blessings upon your transmission. Depreciation on decade-old GM sedans is HORRIBLE. A good-running non-crashed 2004 Regal with no rust (upper midwest) recently set us back a whopping sum of $1000.

  • And for your next race paint the car black and turn it into a 2004 Regal GNX! Add power bulge to hood.

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