For a number of years after it got built in Flat Rock, this 1998 Mazda 626 undoubtedly lived a sedate life. Forest green paint, beige cloth interior, the works. Then, somewhere in the not-too-distant past, it seems to have been acquired by someone possessed by the Devil’s tasteless idiot brother, and this is the end result.
I don’t even know what is the weirdest, most offensive thing about it. Click on through to see it in its horrible entirety.
For starters, there’s the Monster energy drink logo on the hole that used to be the grille. Underneath it is an elongated jaw made out of Silly Putty and chicken wire, and the drooping bumper most likely scrapes on everything.
The glass on the car has been replaced by plexiglas, because the roof has been chopped to a shape that looks like a ruined hat. I don’t expect it to be symmetrical, or for the windows to hold water.
The wheels are… something. They are green. Tires haven’t been removed before painting, just like nothing on the car has been removed before painting.
Most of the dashboard has been formed into a sculpture that consists of centrally-relocated gauge cluster resprayed in Monster Green, undoubtedly after huffing too much of said green paint. Good job it says CUSTOM in the dashboard in manic scrawling, so no-one would mistake it with a STOCK interior.
There are speakers, and I expect one of them to produce static and all of the rest to remain silent.
The door panel is the only thing left stock in the thing, along with the plastic door jamb kick plate. Those two things I like. There’s something resembling a roll cage, probably to keep the roof from caving in. The airbag wheel has been replaced by a chain-link steering wheel. This kills the crab.
You also get a red harness to wave out of the door, because it doesn’t seem to be strapped into anything. It’s like a torture chamber for crash victims in there.
The blob-like Mazda has been covered in black matte paint made out of molten Tampa Bay Lightning hockey pucks, and there’s a skeleton peeking out from where the exhaust probably used to be.
The entire vehicle is an abomination, except for one single thing: it seems to be stick-shift. This means the car doesn’t have the self-destroying Ford CD4E automatic transmission, so it actually is a more sensible buy than most 626:s on the road. For $4000, it’s yours.