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Craigslist Crapshoot

Robert Emslie January 30, 2013 All Things Hoon

The World’s Worst Car Is For Sale On Craigslist

They say there’s an ass for every seat, and that heartening vulgarity is the likely reason that there exists in the world so much crap on the likes of Craigslist and other online classified providers. And THAT’S the reason we have Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly commenter compendium of crap that rivals a George Romero movie for its panoply of horrors.

last week I ask for a specific kind of crap – that being the worst road-worthy convertibles you could find for sale across the world’s classifieds, and boy did you deliver. We’ll get to the winner of that contest after the jump, but before we do we have some housekeeping to do. First off, no snipe hunt this week – we want all the crap that you can find. Just remember that the cars or trucks – or three-wheeled paper maché toads – need to be runners and licensable for the road.

The other thing is that it seems a good number of your responses are getting caught in our commenting system’s spam filter, and hence not getting the exposure they so richly deserve. There are a couple of ways to make sure your voice is heard - 

  1. Easiest way to not get caught in the spam filters is to create an IntenseDebate account. If you do so and your posts aren’t appearing, let us know at tips@hooniverse.com and we can put you on the whitelist
  2. If you don’t want an IDC account, you can create a wordpress.com account and do the same thing.
  3. If you’re the Ted Kaczynski type and don’t want any kind of account, then try to place only a single link in a comment and just drop any outgoing link in via its raw URL and not as a text link
Craigslist Crapshoot doesn’t work if your candidates don’t get seen, so hopefully following one of these options will ensure that the floodgates of crap are fully open. And speaking of open, follow me through the jump to see last week’s open-top Craigslist Crapshoot winner.
 
This week the award for Craigslist Crapshoot goes to Hoon Extraordinaire, FuzzyPlushroom for his contribution of this disturbingly macho-ized Geo Metro. Way to go FP! This one pushes all the right buttons – it’s a driver, its top goes up and down, and while these cars were generally terrible to begin with, this one gains extra points for its ill-considered modifications and need of “inner rocker” work. 
 

 

Convertible geo metro - $1250 (Acworth)
 

 

Source: [NH Craigslist]
 
We don’t normally do second place, this typically being like horseshoes and hand grenades, but this week we’re making an exception. That’s because this ’71 Impala found by fodder650, also warrants mention. That’s by virtue of its price, painter tape and drop cloth weather protection, and ad’s use of the term ‘breaks’. Well done to you as too, fodder650.
 

 

1971 impala convertible - $5500 (Pottstown, pa)

 

 
 
 
 

Currently there are "151 comments" on this Article:

  1. muthalovin says:

    I was hoping for a theme! Oh well.

    For just 2 grand, yes, you can fulfill your lifelong dreams of Pinto ownership.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3L63M73He5Y45J85M3d12bf14fa5ee20614ea.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3517224633.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3517224633.html

  2. muthalovin says:

    No pictures, and non-runners, apologies, but this is a fantastic deal, right guys?

    (7) Porsche 944 cars for sale – $1
    http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3581880371.html

  3. muthalovin says:

    Heather works (read the ad) so you don't have to in this stylish 1995 Geo Tracker for $1850.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3M33Jb3o45N35Gb5H9d1ud0fb2dc495511da7.jpg"&gt;
    http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3581771873.html

  4. fodder650 says:

    And now a dilemma.

    See I have the $100 Project Stella Mustang http://hooniverse.com/2012/02/29/stella-project-c… and I was finally going to get down to work on it next month. I was pricing out engines and parts but then I find this looking or crap for this article.

    So for the price of the engine I could have a running convertible with the wrong transmission?! Crap I made a promise to Stella's previous owner I'd fix her up.
    http://reading.craigslist.org/cto/3471486414.html

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G53Kd3Hc5I95Nb5G7ccb6f1140f0741b189e.jpg&quot; width=600 />

  5. muthalovin says:

    Now, lets get down to brass tax. This is a smoking good deal.

    1989 mercedez 300e – $650

    "Engine runs clutch just went out
    I'm not fixing it if u want it for parts or fix the clutch"

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3I63Lf3J25Ic5G25Ked1t73397e2a0fa5186f.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3580368669.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3580368669.html

  6. muthalovin says:

    This is the only Volvo that I found for this week, sadly.

    1996 Volvo 850 wagon – $1700

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E43G93L55Ld5G55Fcd1t9dd9de26a2341664.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3580202726.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3580202726.html

    • FuzzyPlushroom says:

      I had a worse one, bought for $700 with its second hood crunched in and one headlight shattered and dangling. One rear wheel arch disintegrated completely; it was made of Bondo, which I overlooked at the time of purchase… because the time of purchase was at night, in January, in Maine. Oh, and it needed a head gasket sooner or later, the PCV system was clogged as is usual, the throttle stuck and tried to kill me (and then the accelerator pedal bracket broke, and I had to work the throttle by hand between shifts) and I replaced the ground wire on the starter with a piece of bent aluminium wire.

      When I sold it, I drove it 80 miles with almost no brakes, downshifting to 5 MPH and then standing on the pedal to engage the barely-functional rear calipers. Traded it for a 244 that promptly required a clutch and an alternator. I still got the better end of the deal.

  7. FuzzyPlushroom says:

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E83Ic3H55Na5Ic5K8d1df84f47f4c84113eb.jpg"&gt;

    Here's a celebratory Metro! (Cheers, Graverobber!) Surely not the worst thing out there, though, because…

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3M23Jc3Hf5L15G45J9d1u4447ac71b8a2141a.jpg"&gt;

    …the ad for this Subaru is a comedy goldmine, and being in Everett, it may or may not be legitimately owned!

    And on that note…

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K13Le3J15Kf5Hd5M9d1t80b3528f62451bc0.jpg"&gt;

    …how about the world's fuzziest Kia? This one's almost guaranteed a sketchball history, too, being in some inner-city wrecking yard and, well, being an older Kia.

    That said, I actually feel like this is the scariest contender…

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E53Ic3Ha5Gf5H15M9d1t9e255914a07e1c28.jpg"&gt;

    Old Benz, good… low mileage, that's nice… kind of creepy and possessed-looking, even the right colour for Christine… what do you mean, 'short distances'? 'Mostly for parts'? Oh no. Ohhhhh no. No way.

    Not crap… just terrifying.

  8. muthalovin says:

    Oh, and probably the best thing I have ever seen on Craigslist, ever.

    1988 Volvo 740 GLE sedan – $350

    "$350 hard price! Runs fine, only 185K right now and will quite possibly run for another 100K. A/C works great. It is standard and has a fairly new clutch put in."

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G43Ie3M55Gb5E85M5d16c860033e4f46111c.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3526783469.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3526783469.html

  9. pj134 says:

    I don't know if motorcycles are acceptable, but this had to be shared anyway.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ke3md3M25If5Hd5J8d1l93bea5ead8bb1450.jpg&quot; width=500> http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/mcy/3562026073

    The "Sports Hog"

  10. danleym says:

    A $14,000 1983 Chevy C20?
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K23I13J55I15E25J2d1ged5ac731e5b71932.jpg"&gt;

    Ok, so once you read the ad a little you can tell (if you can get over the caps lock) that there has been a ton of work done, and if everything works as well as advertised, it really may not be that bad a price. But the lead pic sure makes you wonder why the steep price. <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3550522637.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3550522637.html

  11. Corvette_Poncho says:

    I guess we have a different idea of what "gutted" means. The worst picture quality I've seen on Craigslist in a while! Wonder if the jeans come with it! http://milwaukee.craigslist.org/cto/3581080674.ht

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3m33Jf3He5Ie5L75Nad1ta708796446101250.jpg&quot; width="600">
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3L43M83I65Ge5Kd5F8d1t22bfe4cc2140103d.jpg&quot; width="600">

  12. danleym says:

    Pop up headlights on an old Beetle?
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Kf3L83I55Ie5E95Kad1s2cf198c4eb3216d1.jpg"&gt;
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K23G23J95G85E45J9d1s53d648ffc75a136e.jpg"&gt;

    Only $4,700, for any of you that are smitten by the playful batting of it's eyes… <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3578732265.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3578732265.html

    • danleym says:

      Must really like Cavaliers, since there's a 4 door in the driveway.

      My babysitter when I was little had a crappy 4 door with so much junk inside you had to rearrange the crap to make a spot to sit. I don't think I will ever be able to keep that image from coming to mind anytime I see a Cavalier.

      • Chris in Carlsbad says:

        That's in my old neighborhood, he owned it over four years ago and also had a Sunfire at the same time. I laughed as soon as I saw the pic.

  13. danleym says:

    I'm adding this one not because of the horribleness of the vehicle- it's really not all that bad, but for another grammatical preference of many craigslist posters that I don't quite understand. http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3572992902.html
    Look past the all caps, and you'll see "CUSTOM HOUSE OF KOLORS PAINT "LOTS OF METAL FLAKE", ". The outer quotes are mine, the inner quotes are his. Why do people quote their own words in an ad? Or maybe this was a statement of a friend, maybe someone came to see his newly painted truck and said "wow, LOTS OF METAL FLAKE." I mean, they fucking screamed that, because they were so surprised. But at least tell me who said it.
    <img src="http://i905.photobucket.com/albums/ac252/ultimatemotors1/2001%20hurst%20dakota/CFE8F32A-93B5-4310-95B6-823923BE929A-7773-0000038067A3C7EE.jpg&quot; width=500>

  14. Devin says:

    I live in Saskatchewan. We get lots of snow here. This Ford Probe might not be such a good idea.
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/$(KGrHqV,!oMFBmHiq5RlBQZkoLdYRQ~~48_20.JPG" width="500">
    Also probably not a good idea for: anywhere inclines exist.

  15. FrankTheCat says:

    http://albany.craigslist.org/cto/3499134602.html
    All I can say here is," Meth, not even once."
    [img Reply

  • Devin says:

    Math award: "95% Complete"
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDgwWDY0MA==/$(KGrHqV,!iMFCeylWz+TBQwUHuoi1w~~48_20.JPG" width="500">
    I doubt that somehow

  • Tomsk says:

    For $1500*, you could start your own limo service!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G63N83H55I85M45J4d1t879671604882136b.jpg&quot; />

    *Plus whatever other parts you need to source, and time and labor.
    <a href="http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/cto/3580814136.html” target=”_blank”>http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/cto/3580814136.html

  • danleym says:

    I have a confession: I secretly love really tacky 80s truck paint jobs.

    There, it feels better to get that off my chest.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K53M73J35K75Fc5Had1h87fca55011431a1a.jpg"&gt;
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Gd3F73He5L45F45J6d1hd8f787532d261f94.jpg"&gt;

    Also, I seriously hope there is a typo on the line where he says "Over $130,000 invested" <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3561440952.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3561440952.html

  • Devin says:

    For only $3,500, buy something Rad.

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzUwWDEwMDA=/$(KGrHqF,!nkFB(E5I1zGBR!vh+(DK!~~48_20.JPG" width="500">

  • danleym says:

    [drum roll] And the awfulest wheels of the week award goes to…. this guy!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G83Jc3H15I85H85J2d1o90f68ad846551202.jpg"&gt;
    Link: <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3569806792.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3569806792.html

    • P161911 says:

      Looks to be a rather nice clean Cutlass V-8 that somebody added 442 decals to. The interior looks normal. I could think of worse ways to spend a few grand.

  • danleym says:

    Ok, first thought when I saw this picture was learn how to keep your fingers out of the picture.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3If3M83Nf5N85E65F2d1o062bd3fbdd6915d4.jpg"&gt;
    Then, I thought it might have been a clever non photoshop way to block out the license plate. Then I saw the picture of the front, and decided he just needs to learn to keep his fingers out of the picture.

    <<img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3k93G63L85I75K45H2d1o578859bc6ecc1ee1.jpg"&gt;
    Link: <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3567948412.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3567948412.html

  • Devin says:

    Alright, is the weird damage on the front bumper this Sunfire intentional?

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDgwWDY0MA==/$T2eC16ZHJGwE9n)yUZE1BRBY9SwJ(g~~48_20.JPG&quot; width="500">

    Because it looks oddly sticker-esque to me.

  • wisc47 says:

    Alright here's my last post. Now I'm not posting it because it's crappy, in fact it's kind of cool in a weird way (just the way we like it in the hooniverse), but it's 34,900 dollars. Now, that's quite a bit of money, and it's probably a fair price for what it is, but my question is why is this on Craigslist? Who would need/want one? As far as I can see it's only practical use is for tours; that's not a very big niche market, and the consumers of that market probably aren't on the list of Craig. Although, I'm sure there are some pretty awesome, unpractical uses for it…maybe an old-timey party bus.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K93Fe3H45Ie5Fb5M5d1ic654cb7e2ff110af.jpg"&gt;
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E23Ke3Id5I95Kf5H6d1ie73fda594a101110.jpg"&gt; <a href="http://madison.craigslist.org/cto/3555176446.html” target=”_blank”>http://madison.craigslist.org/cto/3555176446.html

  • Marlow says:

    This Geo wins because he wants 10500. Because Insano!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ke3L73I55L15E65J4d1u7228a6919b301053.jpg"&gt;

    Collector Geo: 1991 Geo Metro LSI Convertible 5 speed manual. air condition app. 113K. Runs excellent, two small dings in the body. Convertible top has a couple of small patches. 40 to 48 miles per gallon. Serious enquires only. Will not answer emails. $10500.

    <a href="http://montana.craigslist.org/cto/3582127752.html” target=”_blank”>http://montana.craigslist.org/cto/3582127752.html

  • I Think Not says:

    It's got the dubs! It's got the mystic paint! It's got t-tops! Arrrrrrrrrahahalasdhfhagargargargargargarggle!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E43L93Hc5Lf5Ec5Hed1idf03ad67477319e2.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/3554308657.html” target=”_blank”>http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/3554308657.html

  • VolvoNut says:

    I know that they are supposed to run, but you could get a good one out of these three.
    Also, Diesel Chevette! http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/cto/3582282593.h
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3n43F73M45L55Hb5J6d1u01340d596a9d12e7.jpg"&gt;

  • Devin says:

    Who is Heather and why is she so great? This Corsica also has an Anti-Brake System.
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDgwMA==/$(KGrHqRHJBQFEHFcMwQ(BRCVZzmfj!~~48_20.JPG&quot; width="500">
    (Only posting because of the Great Heather)

  • Devin says:

    The truck is black, the lights are black, the exhaust is black…

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjAwWDYwMA==/$T2eC16RHJF8E9nnC7Q-WBRBh,MQ86Q~~48_20.JPG&quot; width="500">

  • I Think Not says:

    This is something I've never seen nor heard of — a Chevette-based kit car. I know the Pinto oily bits have been used for kit cars, with the front suspension design being particularly popular with its double-a-arm goodness, but the Chevette? I thought that car was little more than a Malaise-era punch line.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K63Ga3I35L25Gb5Fbd1le3b3fd44c6631b29.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/3560882546.html” target=”_blank”>http://kansascity.craigslist.org/cto/3560882546.html

    • jeepjeff says:

      It was mostly a Malaise-era punchline, but I expect the trio of Diesel Chevettes above to actually sell. At least as parts cars. The diesel Chevettes have a following amongst a particular crowd of hypermilers (fuel efficient, good starting shape, low mass, etc).

  • TurboBrick says:

    Here you go, here's your chance to own a 2006 Renault Clio for just a hair under $5000. Good luck with the DMV!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G63Ma3m45N25M55J9d1n45fac7b232b21ee1.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/cto/3567405991.html” target=”_blank”>http://sanantonio.craigslist.org/cto/3567405991.html

  • ptschett says:

    How about a Monte Carlo with Lambo doors, not to mention other questionable mods? (I don't want to know what a Nu Nu is.)
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ee3F93N35Lc5I85M3d1uebe3e8cdd7e4157d.jpg&quot; width="500"/> <a href="http://fargo.craigslist.org/ctd/3582847416.html” target=”_blank”>http://fargo.craigslist.org/ctd/3582847416.html

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq says:

    <img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/199723_629703921160_853952_n.jpg&quot; width="660"> I just asked, it's still for sale! 52 PV – act fast, could be gone any day now.* <img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/200617_629703941120_4383077_n.jpg&quot; width="660"> *Due to rust and rising spring water.

  • FuzzyPlushroom says:

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K93md3p35N75K15Ffd1ibc38742d19d1141a.jpg"&gt;
    Am I too late with this Fantastic Voyager? No? Good. (A friend just shared it on Facebook.)

  • jeepjeff says:

    Here's one for Tim: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sby/cto/3583265796.ht

    Sorry, no pictures. But that only makes it better, because you can use your imagination! Only $650!

  • jeepjeff says:

    http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/cto/3538362977.ht

    Here's another one:

    Runs good but smokes
    Its Going to need an engine soon
    Its on a non op
    No back fees
    Need it gone

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Eb3M33Ha5N95H55M1d1se5c844c494ea1e81.jpg&quot; width=500>

    $1000. I'd go for the 4runner.

  • jeepjeff says:

    Just kidding about the 4runner in my previous post. I'd get this instead:
    http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cto/3583601125.ht

    <img src="http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb202/mzml415/IMAG0045.jpg&quot; width="500'/">

    hey, im selling my 94 gt vr-4 AWD "twin turbo" 6spd. the engine makes a noise. i got it checked by a mechanic and he said its rod bearing noise, its gonna need a lower block rebuild. the car still starts, runs, and is drive able.

    147,000miles and it's pre-blowuppinessed. You know it won't crap out on you right away or soon, because it already is! Only $3000.

    EDIT: Also, I figured out another great CL keyword search to find contenders. Can you figure out my secret?

  • erikgrad says:

    I could just save this for tomorrow, but thought I'd share it when I saw it. Pretty cool, but needs more lift:
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3kc3mb3J15N25F25Jbd1m9e6e13f9091b1fa8.jpg"&gt; <a href="http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cto/3563488512.html” target=”_blank”>http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/cto/3563488512….

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