Home » All Things Hoon » Currently Reading:

Craigslist Crapshoot

Robert Emslie January 16, 2013 All Things Hoon 187 Comments

The World’s Worst Car Is For Sale On Craigslist

Welcome to Craigslist Crapshoot, our weekly dive into the deep end of the pool filled with the automotive world’s most horrible road warriors – that you could potentially buy. After two weeks of this, a couple of things have become apparent- one, there’s a lot more crap out there than you could possibly imagine, and two, the threshold of what some of you consider carp is way lower than the rest of us.

On that second note, I’d like to call out Joshuman for offering up an amazing hand built ’50 roadster that while obviously the object of a slightly eclectic individual’s taste, is still pretty freaking cool. But that’s not why we’re here, we want the dreck, the – I wouldn’t be caught dead bungie-cording the trunk shut in the Walmart parking lot on that thing – kinds of cars that are offered for sale, and on that account you all came up with some amazingly bad contenders.

Of course, there can only be one king of the Craigslist Crapshoot per week, and to find out which car or truck rose to the top of the cespool, click on through the jump. Oh and keep looking for more of them this week!

Awful cars, terrible paint, questionable customs- last week’s selection was a cornucopia of crap. The one vehicle that stood out however, was a custom Ford Ranger found by our own Tanshanomi on the Kansas City Craigslist.

Craigslist Crapshoot 16-01-13

The paint job on this Ranger make it look like something shat out by Gauguin, or perhaps driven by some horror in Silent Hill. Well done Tans, and a hearty round of applause to the rest of you for last week’s contributions. It makes you wonder what horrors this week will hold.

Currently there are 187 comments on this article:

  1. Irishzombieman says:

    Nice find, Tanshanomi! Kinda reminds me of someone. . . .

    <img src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2120/2305900563_254f476f46.jpg&quot; width="500" height="434" alt="Jackson Pollock Beer Set">

  2. fodder650 says:

    This will only work if your name is Karl of course and you are attractive.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G13N33l45L15E25R6cc499fe355c04dd10e5.jpg&quot; width=500 />

  3. fodder650 says:

    Look what's for sale local to me and is only $2000. Now it isn't running but it is connected to a story from a few days ago.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E13I13He5Gb5K55Hcccm890a43e8bd211058.jpg&quot; width=500 />
    <a href="http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/cto/3495828705.html” target=”_blank”>http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/cto/3495828705.html

  4. fodder650 says:

    Ok it's time to talk about how not to sell a car. Lesson 403 don't do the photographs at night.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K33Le3p85Ic5Lb5Hdcck1c43c7a0784119f8.jpg&quot; width=600 />

  5. Devin says:

    I don't think I'll top my personal best of that Mustang/Bronco II, but here's a Civic with an engine swap and purple wheels.

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzY4WDEwMjQ=/$T2eC16d,%21w0E9szN,FyCBQ9j0dehcQ%7E%7E48_20.JPG&quot; width="500">

    It might not be the worst thing I find today, but it is definitely the first thing I found today.


    • Preludacris says:

      Oooh, that'd make a fun beater after some haggling over the price. The swap looks well executed and should make that light chassis scoot with a quickness. Dude is probably withholding the nice wheels he had on it before he decided to sell.

      • Devin says:

        I'm assuming they're winter tires actually. I was initially disappointed by it, since engine swaps could be a potential for hilarity, but his was clean and well done, but then I saw the purple wheels.

        • Preludacris says:

          Full disclosure, since I feel guilty not admitting it: your fellow commenter is currently rockin' a Prelude of similar vintage with winter tires mounted on mint green wheels.

          I want the H22; seller can keep the Civic shell and the purple wheels as I already discovered the joy of Krylon myself.

        • Maymar says:

          I've noticed my winter steelies are starting to rust – this could be the perfect chance to start getting weird with the beater.

          I do have a friend who's contemplating rattle canning the wheels or covers on his aged Legacy wagon gold. The car's mid-90s green and not Scooby rally blue, but that's besides the point. I could probably score the leftover gold paint.

  6. Devin says:

    Gunning for the bad photography award is this '97 Suburban. The following are the photos the seller has included of the exterior:

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjQwWDQ4MA==/$T2eC16ZHJFoE9nh6pM)oBQ9hP8eEgg~~48_20.JPG" width="500">
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDgwWDY0MA==/$(KGrHqJ,!loFDcSDpimEBQ9hP5NTGg~~48_20.JPG" width="500">

    I didn't link to the closeup of the tire tread, since that at least gives you an idea of what the tire looks like.


  7. 5keptic says:

    not a running car – but that is what he would like to trade for his Smith and Wesson broom.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Fd3Ie3Mb5I25Lb5E8d1g3959ef27a3c11386.jpg&quot; width="300">

  8. SSurfer321 says:

    Congrats Tanshanomi.

    With apologies to $kaycog, you're going to need an entire fire department to put out all the flames on that beast.

    <img src="http://fire.pgpic.com/november-15-edit-girls.jpg"&gt;
    IMG from FireRescue1.com

  9. fodder650 says:

    Forget the demolition derby. Someone call a LeMon's team!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E83L13Jc5G95K95U6d135c69cee54a5d19ee.jpg&quot; width=500 />

  10. salguod says:

    All caps and multiple exclamation points = win, right?


    "Awesome little Rat Rod,,topless,Model A ford grill,custom bumpers,bed,,runs and drives great,a real head turner and a lot of fun at the car shows and cruise ins!"

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3n93M93Hf5Le5Kb5M8d1gf196e7302a3117fa.jpg&quot; width=600>
    <a href="http://columbus.craigslist.org/cto/3550012817.html” target=”_blank”>http://columbus.craigslist.org/cto/3550012817.html

  11. danleym says:

    And lowered duallies are very practical:
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G73I63J25N35L25Ffd1f727456f2615c121b.jpg"&gt;

    Actually the worst part about this is that he's done a bunch to it, including building the 305 that's powering it.
    <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3548970420.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3548970420.html

  12. danleym says:

    At what point do you say "I have enough tv screens"?
    <img src="http://i698.photobucket.com/albums/vv343/asffa/100_2095Z.jpg"&gt;

    In an H2, of course. <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/ctd/3501793680.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/ctd/3501793680.html

  13. ScorpioGTX1 says:

    This is the worst paint job I've ever seen. I'm not even sure what it's supposed to be.

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NDc4WDY0MA==/$T2eC16N,!)QE9s3HD)lkBQ7cGLJrP!~~48_20.JPG">
    <a href="http://saskatoon.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-cars-trucks-1988-Mustang-GT-W0QQAdIdZ446213909” target=”_blank”>http://saskatoon.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-cars-trucks-1988-Mustang-GT-W0QQAdIdZ446213909

  14. danleym says:

    This one just because I hate modded PT Cruisers. And, you know, because nothing says cool like flames and a car bra.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Lf3J73H65Ld5N15G9d1ae9302539f5d01439.jpg"&gt;

    And this both accurately describes the state of his supercharged PT Cruiser and something that he hasn't been since he got this car.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Mf3Jd3Hc5I25Me5J1d1a7122873196d314de.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3537116156.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3537116156.html

  15. Devin says:

    This one's subtle, it seems initially to be just an old truck with a stupid hood – the official vehicle of Saskatchewan – but you quickly begin to see bigger problems the closer you look, like the weird rattlecan paintjob, or the fact that it's clearly made out of more than one truck. Plus it doesn't go in reverse. Also the overdrive needs door handles for some reason, I don't know much about transmissions but this seems strange.

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NTYzWDEwMDA=/$T2eC16J,!)0E9s37F,pwBQ9cBqKyN!~~48_20.JPG" width="500">


  16. danleym says:

    Ok, last one:

    I don't know if the eagle flag holder comes with the truck or what, but this was his leading image:
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Kf3G23L95N55G75Kfd1c59c4d49a2ff9115e.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3541199083.html” target=”_blank”>http://stlouis.craigslist.org/cto/3541199083.html

  17. Devin says:

    Here's another lesson in presentation. This person wants a new sled, so you have your option of two different trucks if you have one to offer. The first is an '85 Ram described as "really nice"

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzUwWDEwMDA=/$(KGrHqZ,!pQFCpIuroNBBQ9Z,uU(0w~~48_20.JPG" width="500">
    And look at all the bonus items in the interior! I spot a CB radio, some wire, a license plate, a flashlight, mail maybe?
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzUwWDEwMDA=/$(KGrHqF,!qEFC)i4GWcDBQ9Zb0tu(g~~48_20.JPG" with="500">
    The other truck is an F150 which is less funny, but it is pictured on a flatbed with its hood up, which isn't quite a promising sign.
    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/Mjg3WDQ4MA==/$T2eC16ZHJGwE9n)yUZE1BQ9ZcYLLww~~48_20.JPG">

    • facelvega says:

      Say what you will, I would drive either of those trucks. I used to drive an early eighties ram M880 that was in worse shape and only had a 318.

      • Devin says:

        I'll admit I posted them more because the whole filled with garbage/clearly mid breakdown look isn't the best ad. Sask is kind of light on the really awful stuff this week – though that cobbled together Sierra is plenty scary – but there's a lot of questionable sales tactics.

  18. ptschett says:

    Anyone wanna go LeMons racing with a '99 Malibu?
    The description says it won't last long. I think they're right.
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Fe3N23le5Na5H85Mcd1d6e58493ab18b1a62.jpg&quot; width="500"/> http://fargo.craigslist.org/ctd/3543489051.html

    • Devin says:

      Just thought of a theme: Here Comes Mali-Boo Boo!

      It's a weird mixture of shame and pride that I just posted that.

      • TheOtherMacLeod says:

        My uncle had a mid-eighties Malibu that we called the Mali-boo-hoo-hoo.. I was thinking that would make for a great name for a Lemons team.

  19. ptschett says:

    2012 Tacoma, single cab 4×4. Seems nice for $11,500 right? Except it has a salvage title. And was in water. And still needs a few parts. http://fargo.craigslist.org/cto/3502622905.html
    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Eb3M13J25Lf5I55J2ccqdf53f85116f81ee7.jpg&quot; width="500"/>

  20. ThirdPedalGirl says:

    Fodder suggested I share this lovely beast: http://decatur.craigslist.org/cto/3441023672.html

    Load up a car wash with paint… or pain…. and just drive 'er through. Custom paint all the things!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G93Mb3I95I95Gd5P6cbs3031dc56212a138d.jpg"&gt;

    Given my recent experience with an Impala as a rental car (Christened the Great White Turd after just 5 minutes of driving) I found this especially… satisfying?

    (Hope I embedded the photo correctly. Am new here, please excuse any errors!)

  21. engineerd says:

    Not up to the level of…er…not sure "awesome" is the right word, but still caught my attention and made me audibly utter, "What the…"

    <img width=500 src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Fc3I43J25Lf5E85K1d112590cf82eb7b1abd.jpg"&gt;

    No. Seriously. It's a convertible DHS. According to the seller, the car was bought for $55k, then sent to a company in Florida (where else?) for the convertible conversion at a cost of $28k. Doing the math…


    Whooping? Yeah, it made me cough, too.

    • fodder650 says:

      I'm guessing this is listed by a senior citizen. Since apparently they can't hear anything and are forced to shout constantly.

      So for this low low price i get a car that likely leaks in the rain?

    • ThirdPedalGirl says:

      Ain't no vaccination that'll cure that ill.

    • facelvega says:

      As long as I couldn't feel the frame wobbling dangerously over every bump, I would love to have that car. It would be best though in Europe with embassy plates, or in the third world with a uniformed dictator standing in the back waving to people. I guess this would be simple enough to simulate here in Brooklyn. I'm in!

    • Maymar says:

      Somewhere, there is a religious-based charlatan that just found a new car.

  22. mdharrell says:

    I'm doing this wrong. I found a '65 Dodge truck with a propane-powered 318 for $2950:

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ee3G83J95L35E75Fed1g334d9a4196cc10e5.jpg&quot; width="450">


    This is why I don't spend a lot of time on craigslist. Far too dangerous.

  23. mr. mzs zsm msz esq says:


    "Loud stereo, including 30 speakers"

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Gb3F23J65Ge5Hf5J3d1e642efcd86f621a38.jpg"&gt;

    "I have posted this add in multiple cities." (and judging by the image sizes, from CL of long ago)

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Ed3Ic3Hc5Ie5Gc5Ebd1efcb14dfd60d91827.jpg"&gt;

  24. vroomsocko says:

    $3,995 for a '81 Mustang with: A 302 Motor! Custom Interior (with no pics)! Runs Great! I'm sure the custom interior will reflect the tastefully done custom exterior.
    <img src="http://i1241.photobucket.com/albums/gg517/ncoley420/003-25_zps70c680fe.jpg&quot; width="500">

    • jeepjeff says:

      The '81s came with a 255ci version of the Windsor V8. Which ended up being a malaise turd of an engine, because they got it to 255ci by de-boring the block and using smaller pistons. Which means all the go-faster heads don't work because the valves hit the cylinder walls. Oops. So, no way to uncork it. The 302 swap is a point in its favor, but the rest of the customizations? Well, the headlights look a little Mad Max… I'm sure the interior is 100% tasteful.

    • fodder650 says:

      I like how the rust is made to look like a paint job. That's impressive.

  25. Alff says:

    Here's another hot Impala…

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K23Ma3o15I65Lf5J7ccra7574e95c12c151a.jpg"&gt;

    I've atually seen this one in town. It's even more awesome in person.

    • sporty88au says:

      Perfect camouflage. The zombies will think you're dead inside and leave you alone.

      Too bad the ad has been taken down.

  26. wolfie says:

    This is some very amusing stuff.

  27. muthalovin says:

    Since I have posted Volvos that are way too tempting for the past 2 weeks, here's to 3 weeks. $600!!!!

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K63Nb3H35Gb5Fc5H3d1g0c507e6b4b8d1dc1.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3550107743.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3550107743.html

  28. muthalovin says:

    So, are we looking for the best-worst, or worst-best? There is a difference, right? (Sadly, this one is not running, it seems)

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K73L33Ie5G25E45Kdd1gc325fbaeb4fc13b6.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3549834534.html” target=”_blank”>http://austin.craigslist.org/cto/3549834534.html

  29. Tomsk says:

    Instead of finishing this '71 'Cuda Convertible resto-mod, the owner must have spent his days huffing a 50-gallon drum of plastic cement. Why else would he be asking $53,000 for it?

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3G63F13Nf5L65Nd5Fbd1g03515e4577dc1794.jpg"&gt;
    <a href="http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/cto/3549790667.html” target=”_blank”>http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sfv/cto/3549790667.html

    • njhoon says:

      Actually that isn't too bad a price. A friend sold one in worse condition for 65k. They only made a little over 1,000 of these, 6cyl and 8's combined.

  30. Tanshanomi says:

    1948 Indian 250cc – $2500 (Liberty, MO)

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3E83Kb3Je5G65E55F8d1e0efbc51c9f51112b.jpg"&gt;
    Yea, very cool old bike, but $2500 for what looks to be little more than a frame and set of crankcases?
    "…definately needs TLC. Needs fenders, seat…"
    "TLC" must have a new meaning: "all internal engine and primary drive parts."

  31. Tomsk says:

    Would you pay three grand for a beat-to-sh*t, primer-over-Bondo (and/or rust) '88 Toyota pickup…with Lambo doors? If you said yes, maybe you should just join this guy on the island (which, let's be honest, may or may not really exist) to which he is moving.

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3K83M93pe5E45Fa5Jdd1f9d52ab2f8d7a13d3.jpg"&gt;

  32. smokyburnout says:

    <img src="http://images.craigslist.org/3Mc3La3J55I65K95M6d1cbfb32afa4aec1074.jpg"&gt;
    "says 2win turbos on windshield for looks…….its all paint no decals"
    It's also all show, no go. http://hartford.craigslist.org/cto/3541472362.htm

    Ran when parked Citroen DS!!! http://hartford.craigslist.org/cto/3550334730.htm

  33. OA5599 says:

    Trying again with a picture because the video wasn't showing up.

    <img src="http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTIwMFgxNjAw/$T2eC16VHJGYE9nooiLnEBQ9E7dggf!~~60_12.JPG&quot; width=500>

    [youtube hFX1ARMZlr0&feature=youtu.be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFX1ARMZlr0&feature=youtu.be youtube]

    • Mad_Science says:

      It makes me happy to see Durangos passing into cheap-as-hell-so-why-not? Territory. They're a great size and have good looks.

      Were I a more skilled and enterprising guy, I'd start a company to support those the way All Pro Offroad makes solid axle swap kits for Toyotas.

    • danleym says:

      When done right, I actually like SUVs that have been made into trucks. Maybe it's because I drive a Blazer that was designed to convert between truck and SUV, I dunno.

      That said, this one doesn't look like it was done right.

  34. Pwned88 says:

    OMIGOD WE HAVE A WINNER (it's kijiji, not craigslist. But suck it, I'm canadian and we use kijiji)

    • Scandinavian Flick says:

      "Trim: ghetto
      Type: Damaged"

      I'd buy that for a six pack, weld the diff, and drive it sideways until too many vital parts fell off.

    • BlackIce_GTS says:

      O_O You are correct this is the winner.
      "the third person that came to buy it gave me the money and started towing it but he hit a bump on the road and the engine caught fire. he returned it promptly after that."
      This is hilarious go read it.

    • Devin says:

      Can we buy the film rights to this ad?

      Also I tend to post Kijiji stuff too.

    • pwned88 says:

      There, I'm around this site often enough I figure I should make an account. I still can't believe this ad was on my local kijiji. Nothing cool ever happens in this city.

    • fodder650 says:

      The latest update says it was stolen and totaled. Which Hooniverse person did it?

  35. HycoSpeed says:

    <img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8387894671_2085f54899.jpg&quot; width="500/">
    Sure, I hear what you are saying. "But Hyco, that's a '58 Chevy! And $7000 isn't that bad."

    I point you to the resto-mod portion of the ad.


    Seriously? A stinking 307 small block? Why even bother?!

    Ad link.

  36. Sjalabais says:

    You guys find a lot of disgusting cars…amazing! Norwegian entry Chevrolet Astro, young girls dream. Or not?

    <img src="http://finncdn.no/mmo/2013/1/vertical-3/06/3/391/469/93_1128441574_xl.jpg&quot; width="600">

Comment on this Article:

Leave a Reply


Hooniverse Marketplace

Featuring Top 2/3 of vehicles Available in Marketplace

Read more

Subscribe via RSS