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Classic Captions – The 1976 Dodge Aspen SE Edition

Jim Brennan January 15, 2013 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 67 Comments

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Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of postings that are set to go off at this time almost every Tuesday, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. Let’s see you try and come up with a clever caption for this week. And let’s see if we can do anything to get you to participate in our little contest…

1963 Corvette Ad-05

Last week, we had an image of a blonde in a Corvette, and it was kind of a let down, based on the participation we received just before the Holidays (I know we can do better!).

We received three outstanding comments this time around, with two of them from relative newcomers. The first one is from newby commenter dwbf11, who came up with thie great line: “A candid shot from outside the Romney residence in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan circa 1963″. VERY GOOD…

One of our longtime fans, Alff, almost captured the crown again with this great caption: “Introducing the 1963 Stingray … for the street racist in all of us”. This was a not-so-subtle reference to the piece of lawn art that was displayed within the ad. A little piece of trivia about that statuette, courtesy of dwbf11: “In all fairness, “lawn jockeys” such as the one shown here did not start out as racist symbols but as a way for underground railroad houses to signal that it was safe to enter”. See, everything ties in…

However it was newcomer onrails who came up with the the winning caption this time, and it was done with an unexpected twist: “After tossing his hat outside and checking his makeup in the mirror, Lou’s costume was complete and he rolled off to the local 1/4 mile track to teach those doubters the real meaning of ‘drag queen’.” Congratulations onrails on coming up with an absolutely brilliant caption, but now its time for you to sign-up with an Intense Debate Account, so we can follow you on your future brilliant commentary.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is an advertising image for the 1976 Dodge Aspen Special Edition Sedan, with actor Rex Harrison standing at the rear of the car, and a group of bystanders who look positively ““Edwardian“. Oh for gods sake, look it up. Anyway, the advertising campaign was inspired by the “Ascot Gavotte” scene in Harrison’s My Fair Lady. A patter song was spoken in rhythm, by Harrison, as “Unbelievable“. Do I have to explain everything? Nevertheless, is this really the way to sell a car to an uncultured public? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after viewing “My Fair Lady” at least six more times we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this thought provoking image.

Photo Credit: The Old Car Manual Project

  • Irishzombieman

    HA HA! Nicely done, onrails! Congrats, and enjoy this Brewdog Tokyo oak-aged stout. Be careful, though. ABV hovers at around 18%.

    <img src="http://www.thebarleyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/brewdog-tokyo.jpg&quot; width=300>

  • POLAЯ

    The 1976 Dodge Aspen, 90% of the people who'll bother to look at it like hats.

  • danleym

    From the maker that brought us the 300, Imperial, and New Yorker, it's unbelievable that this is the best they can do.

  • POLAЯ

    When Motor Trend announced the 1976 Dodge Aspen as car of the year,
    even the Mayas thought they were off by 36 years.

  • Devin

    A crowd gathers to watch the Aspen rust away before their very eyes.

  • fodder650

    Dropping Grandpa off at the old age home never was so much fun as in our Aspen

  • Irishzombieman
    • Devin

      Amazingly, a lady in my hometown has an impeccable Volare still today. This is amazing for two reasons. One, it's a Volare in Canada, and you'd assume that winter ice prevention would accelerate the rust on those things. Two, she doesn't understand how stop signs work, and has almost driven into me several times.

      It is truly unbelievable.

      • Irishzombieman

        I actually like the Aspen a lot. Had a light blue one for a very short while in high school. It was comfortable and relatively easy to work on. Not powerful by any stretch of the imagination and it handled like a drunk horse on roller skates, but I really wouldn't mind having one now.

        • https://secure.flickr.com/photos/deadelvis/collections/72157607912481786/ dead_elvis

          A friend of mine had one in HS too. He rolled it one icy morning on the way to school, wasn't hurt a bit, and arrived late. He was far more pissed about having ruined his perfect attendance/on time record (this was during our senior year) than about totaling the Aspen.

          • racer139

            Drunk horse on roller skates …….thats funny right there.

    • Jay_Ramey

      I gotta admit though, I see 1970s Dodges like the Aspen from time to time that are like almost delivery condition. These either evaporated in a matter of years, OR were built out of titanium and rarely driven and are generally impervious to all things. That's the difference that different patters of use can produce for a daily driver.

  • Irishzombieman

    Maroon, malaise Dodge.
    Old dude wearing a brown tie.
    Bets on which dies first?

    • POLAЯ

      If he owns it, hay may as well be dead.

  • $kaycog

    "As soon as you all cram the Aspen, my fair friends, perhaps it will be believable."

  • NothingHappens

    "Unbelievable!" is what you'll say when the front fenders rust through faster than the horses ran at the Ascot op'ning race.

    (yeah, I watched a show tunes video, wanna fight about it?)

  • dwbf11

    NEW YORK (Reuters) – Future Chrysler Chairman Lee Iacocca stands next to a disabled Chrysler Aspen outside his swanky midtown hotel as hotel guests and staff look on. The Aspen would propel Iacocca's career to new heights following its nearly plunging Chrysler into bankruptcy.

  • danleym

    Ugly from the front end, ugly from the sides, unbelievably ugly from the Aspen.

  • XRSevin

    Aspen: The American Car only a Brit could love.

  • dwbf11

    OK, I'll start.

    Why "wood"n't you buy one?

    • danleym

      Eh, once you're up to speed they're ok, but they're a real birch to get going.

      • dwbf11

        Personally I'd rather leave it in the garage.

        • fodder650

          I was waiting for the pun thread but I didn't want to be an Aspen about it. I tend to pine for things though and might go a bit fir with it. Still I bet this car can run rings around anything British from the same year.

          • Devin

            It was a pretty poplar car in its day.

            • dwbf11

              Except for anyone who needed to take out a date. They would have been better off figuring out alternate transportation.

              • danleym

                That depends on what kind of dates you're into. There's plenty of room in the trunk…

                • Devin

                  But these things have a lot more bark than bite, you'll have difficulty leaving behind the local branch of the police.

                  • dwbf11

                    The handling would definitely give someone trying to evade the police sweaty palms and/or an ashen complexion. But I think sometimes it is hard to see the forest from the trees, because no 1970's American product was any good.

  • https://www.facebook.com/alex.w.wise tiberiusẅisë

    The weatherstripping is so good that one fart will keep them out for hours. Wait, it was the fart, right?

  • POLAЯ

    The 1976 Dodge AsPen. No, it's not something used for writing with your butt, but it has crap written all over it.

  • http://www.hooniverse.com LTDScott

    Today's game of "Clue" will attempt to determine who in the hell bought one of these heaps.

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    You think this is unbelievable? You think it's a boat? Just wait.

  • mallthus

    "Unbelievable Daddy. How are we all supposed to fit in there?"
    "It'll be easy. It's not like everyone needs a seatbelt."

  • http://hooniverse.com/ Tanshanomi

    The crust of rust stays mainly…oh, hell, it goes everywhere.

  • onrails

    Rex: Look at them all. Laughing, pointing, judging… I can't believe I stooped this low. To finally shill my image and my name in the desperate act of corporate sponsorship. Do I really need the money? Sigh…it's all just so…

    Crowd: Hey Rex! (snickers and guffaws) Whaddaya think of this car?

    Rex: … unbelievable.

  • http://www.williesrepair.blogspot.com lilwillie

    "Wadsworth, do you know who did it?"

    "Yes, I do Miss Scarlet. It was the Aspen, in the car port, with the oil leaking six, that is who killed Chrysler."

  • fodder650

    Ricardo Montelban was asked to do this ad but he said he khan't be associated with such crap.

    I'll show myself out.

  • ptschett

    "Aspen?!? But it says 'Volare' on this side!" – thought everyone in the crowd.

  • Alcology

    Motor Trend car of the year for 1976?
    Unbelievable!
    Every single 1976 Aspen was recalled?
    Unbelievable!
    Chrysler nearly went bankrupt because of this car?
    Unbelievable!

    The Aspen, an answer to a question nobody asked.

  • Alcology

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • POLAЯ
  • skitter

    So…
    It looks like…
    We've got the production values on set…
    But not the production values in the factory…
    How did that happen?
    Well… the only way I know to tell you… is in… a song….

    [Music swells]

    [Suddenly, the RUST MONSTER truck drops from the sky, crushing everyone before bouncing out of scene.]

  • Irishzombieman

    He'd never done period pieces for any of his previous films. He hadn't done Bollywood dance numbers either, but M. Night Shyamalan was desperate for another movie that at least broke even, and was willing to try just about anything short of dwarf wrestling in The Unbelievable Seventh Unbreakable Village Sign Of The Waterbender.

    <img src="http://bobsbadmovieblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/m_night_shyamalan_sucks.jpg&quot; width="500/">

  • http://roadworkuk.com Rust-MyEnemy

    "TAXI! Oh, no, sorry, carry on, I'll wait until one of those nice Checkers comes along. Thank you, though"

  • http://www.automobile-catalog.com/ P161911

    "Unbelievable"
    We left this car parked on the street in New Your City, with the windows down and the keys in the ignition, and still no one would take it.

  • smalleyxb122

    I’ve got my left hand in my pocket, playing pocket pool.
    Rememb’ring a day when Chrysler was cool.
    Then, I look at my Aspen, and it has this effect.
    No matter how much I diddle, I just can’t stay…

    Hey, where are you going?

  • Slow_Joe_Crow

    While it is slightly inaccurate, the first thing that popped into my head upon seeing somebody claim an Aspen was "unbelievable" was Inigo Montoyas famous line.

    "Unbelievable"
    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. "

  • bigbluefl

    "I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20.
    So hurry up and bring your jukebox money!…

    We're headin' down to Love Shack!"

    • Irishzombieman

      Wow. I was seriously listening to that album today for the first time in 15 years. Dang it's great, though even now I still tire quickly of Loveshack.

  • vwminispeedster

    Where the beer flows like wine. I'm talking about a little place called……..

  • Number_Six

    The folks in the background look as though they've just seen a not-very-well-endowed gent get out of a very cold pool.

  • Van_Sarockin

    Unbelievable!

    "I know, we can't believe they'd let that piece of crap like that into a classy place like this, either!"

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