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Hooniverse Weird Crap Weekend – 1985 Chevrolet Monte Carlo

Antti Kautonen December 15, 2012 Finnish Line, For Sale 28 Comments

Hello, and welcome to another installation of the Weird Crap Weekend. My initial submission is this Chevrolet Monte Carlo coupe, shot last month over at the seventh pit of hell that is the Sulantie used car lot region in Tuusula, Finland.

The mahogany-coloured ’85 Monte Carlo has the 4.3-litre V6 under the hood, and is currently for sale at the asking price of 5900 euros. Can you approve of that price, especially as the deal includes 18″ wire wheels?

Of course, the rubber on said wheels is a bit worn and under-inflated from sitting. But the sides look straight enough and there’s little wrong with the paintjob, unless you’re not a fan of the hue.

The smooth and slab-like rear deck is a welcome departure from the bubble-shaped millennial Audis next to it. And again, no plate blanking as the sales ad has the plates visible.

Now, let me take the opportunity to pilfer a couple of photos from the said ad. These show us the car has a modern Sony head unit on the dashboard, as well as a not-instantly-hateable Vans Off the Wall sticker. The car has done 250 000 km according to the ad, but I don’t know if that has been translated from miles or whether the car has 250 000 miles on the clock. I do think the gauge cluster is a MPH one.

Whatever the miles accumulated, the interior doesn’t look half bad, bench front seat and all.

So, for 5900, would you swing by and pick up the donktacular Monte Carlo? Or does the 262cid engine leave too much to be desired?

Link to ad (mostly in Finnish)

[Images: Copyright 2012 Hooniverse/Antti Kautonen, sales ad photos nettiauto.com]

  • $7700 USD for a 34 year old GM product that, at a minimum, needs new tires all around?
    errrr…what are they asking for the black Volvo wagon next to it? $9000 USD?

  • Paul_y

    It's a US gauge cluster — 55mph is marked in red.

    …and yeah, this is way too much money for what is at best a mediocre car.

  • salguod

    250K is a lot for a G body, whether it's miles or kilometers. And $7700 is a lot for a nothing special G body.

  • JB_Finesse

    The body is pretty clean and all the brittle and usually missing trim seems to be on it, as well as some funky round orange lights on the fenders that I've never seen before. If it had <100,000 miles and a 305 I could see paying that much for it. All it needs is a 350 swap to be an awesome sleeper.

    • Those little lights were probably added to comply with European lighting standards for parking/marker lights. Both my hunks of Swedish steel have holes in the fenders for side marker lights, but they are filled with snap in Volvo logo badges.

      • Manic_King

        These are turn signals which have to be visible from the side, blinking only when you turn. No side markers in Europe.

  • Van_Sarockin

    I'd give you $50, cash American in your hand, if it was parked out front with a clean title. Not a penny more. Front bench really brings you back, and it doesn't look entirely played, but that ripped penalty rear seat doesn't help anything. Motor doesn't matter. They all sucked back then.

    Now, if it was a crisp Beta Monte Carlo, it would be a whole different story…

  • That has to be the most shit-tastic car on the lot, judging from what little we can see of its companions. The novelty factory of driving one of these in Finland can't be worth a premium like they're asking, can it?

  • seat safety switch

    Pass. For a few bucks more you could probably find a nicer example of a North American land barge that has better curb appeal, and import it to Finland (since most of the cost is presumably the shipping, getting a nicer example of the kind of car you want with your budget is a no-brainer).

    Nobody ever woke up in the morning, rolled over and said "you know, I want an '85 Monte Carlo." That said, I wouldn't say no to a similar vintage of B-body Caprice wagon so I could replicate Haujobb's Dead Market music video…

    [youtube KUOeibCly70 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUOeibCly70 youtube]

    • Every morning I wake up and some one elbows me saying "you know, I want an '85 Monte Carlo." No, wait, it's just the Significant Other saying I need to wake up and get to work…

  • Devin

    When I was in high school, these were up there with Fox-body Mustangs as THE car of choice. Mostly because you could get one in roughly the same shape as this one for under $2,000 and they were easy to find.

    • NoKetchup

      +1, as well as older chevelles for some reason. I have fond memories of that car…. break torquing it to death… other things. I've never owned one personally, but they accounted for like 1 out of 5 cars in highschool.

  • C³-Cool Cadillac Cat

    That's overpriced for one with 250 miles on it.

  • stigshift

    I'm wondering how one would open the windows, since there are no cranks and no visible power window switches. Maybe the weird plugs where the cranks would go have some mystical powers. Perhaps in Finland, ventilation is not as important as it is in Florida. Never mind- I think they're under the right side drivers a/c vent.

    • Felis_Concolor

      That's an additional bit of 80s authenticity; for people wishing to upgrade their base model automobile with power windows, several companies offered retrofit kits to turn manually operated windows to the power operated variety. That button is the cover for the replacement drive gear, and as you noticed, the switches have been hacked into the dashboard to the right of the steering wheel.

      • stigshift

        You'd think it would have been cheaper to just pay the hundred bucks from the factory, or buy a used car that already had them. But yeah, I'm reminded of the Firebird/Camaro door panels that had trim plugs on them from GM.

  • ptschett

    My reactions:
    -Needs a right-side highbeam headlight.
    -Wheels are awful, tires are shot… but, this can be fixed.
    -I wonder how silly the exhaust sounds with a V6 and those giant slanty tailpipes.
    -I hated the dashboard sticker instantly.
    -Pedal wear says high-mileage, but interior is in reasonably-good shape… re-upholstered sometime in the last 10 years? Or was it just stored well (given that the usually-crumbling exterior bits are still good too?)
    -Price is about 5000 euros too high.

  • lilpoindexter

    "G" bodies are extremely popular…but 5900 euros is a little rich. The speedos in these only go to 100k miles, or about 162k km. The 4.3 is an ok engine, but not really that nice. The one to get is from 1987 with the "euro" headlights.

    • Impalamino

      I think the "euro" lights could be had as early as '86 with the right option package (LS).

      In my opinion, they're nearly the last of the big stately Chevy coupes, even though they're a midsized car; the Caprice line dropped the 2-door after '87, but those coupes were extremely thin on the ground after the early 80s. The Monte carried the flag admirably.

      Really a fine looking car in LS trim as opposed to the SS, which is just a bit "boy racer" for my tastes.

  • TurboBrick

    Prices are set by supply and demand, that's all I'm saying about that. Lets put a Citroen BX, Lada stationwagon or some other heap that's about as desirable as truckload of nuclear waste in Finland on BAT and see how much it goes for. Being a Monte Carlo must have some novelty factory because there's probably 10 times as many G-body Olds Cutlasses over there.

    V6… V8.. does it really matter? The stock motor on these would have been a smogged out 305 anyways. The sawed-off SBC is just fine for cruising around town and with those $10 a gallon gas prices all help is appreciated.

    • facelvega

      Thank goodness someone said it. When I lived in Berlin I used to fantasize about mastering import/export practices enough to ship semi-vintage Mercedes saloons and manual wagons over to the US, with semi-vintage Cadillacs on the containers back. Each are worth several times more on the other side. And if there's anywhere in the world where an 85 Monte Carlo or, say, a Fifth Avenue could be driven with glee and even pride, it's Scandinavia.

      • TurboBrick

        It's all about contrast. On my last trip to the old country I noticed a '95 Mustang GT ragtop at the parking lot of our local Halpa-Halli. Against that backdrop of sensible diesel-powered stickshift wagons, it looked unusually nice. Back in Texas of course I would have dismissed that as a rather mundane part of the normal scenery.

        I've had the same import/export fantasies, but the reality is that until the US-EU free trade zone opens up, such an investment would be EXTREMELY risky as taxes and import fees would be majority of your expenses.

        • Sjalabais

          That might just be a hooniversal dream. In Norway, prices are strange, too (example Oldsmobile), but I find taxes and import costs rather unpredictable. I was thinking about getting a German Volvo 340 in mint condition to Norway this summer. Price: Unbelieveable 600€. Estimated import duty excl transport & insurance: 2200€.

          • facelvega

            Is there maybe a completely wrecked 340 you could buy in Norway, and then say drive and ferry the German car in as a tourist (assuming the German has it on the road)? Many an old car in the US has been registered with a deceased car's good title.

  • JB_Finesse

    The 4.3 actually got WORSE mileage in G-bodies thanks to the lack of an overdrive.

    • TurboBrick

      I'd be VERY surprised if it doesn't have an OD by now. They probably chucked the original gearbox by mid-90's, when gas prices doubled from what they were when this thing first hit the streets.

  • Mr. Queeg

    Holy-cow! I had a 1978 Malibu sport coupe with V8, 4-speed, bucket seats, console, gauges, F-41 suspension. I hate to think what it's worth over there, especially since I sold it for $900 a couple years after a new paint job, clutch, tires, brakes etc.

  • I saw two of those 1985 boxers in South Beach. Too bad they were blinged out as it was not just my taste. Still, kudos to the restoration projects on keeping them fit and running.