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HCOTY 2012: Reader Submission – The 1995 Pontiac Grand-Am from Craigslist

Jeff Glucker December 7, 2012 Hooniversal Car of the Year 30 Comments

Reader Marcal sent in his own submission for the 2012 Hooniverse Car of the Year, and we instantly agreed with him. How could we not take a moment to highlight the sheer brilliance of this entry. It’s not entirely about the car itself though, but rather it’s about the way the owner was trying to sell it.

Ladies and gentleman, hop over the break for another look at the greatest Craigslist ad of all time and a 2012 HCOTY nominee: The 1995 Pontiac Grand Am.

[Source: Craigslist]

  • Van_Sarockin

    Mebbe the ad, def no the car.

    • Scandinavian Flick

      You sure, man? I mean… come on… Beards and unicorns. Pretty much any argument beyond that point is automatically null and void.

      • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

        $ echo 'int foo = NULL && void;' > foo.c; cc -c foo.c
        foo.c:1: error: 'NULL' undeclared here (not in a function)
        foo.c:1: error: expected expression before 'void'

        Dang you're right!

      • Van_Sarockin

        Everything is spelled correctly, not everything is capitalized, and I can actually tell what is in the picture: must be a scam.

        • I dunno, I thought I saw a "loosely-coupled peice of sheet metal" in there. But still a great ad.

  • That was this year?!?!


    The internet really distorts my perception of time relativity.

    • Scandinavian Flick

      Sign me up for that distortion!

      I had a moment last weekend while digging out the artificial Xmas tree; "didn't I seriously just put this fucking thing away? The packaging tape is still fresh!"

    • Devin

      It would have to be post-full beard, since everyone was making me feel bad with their super manly beards and mine was still pretty patchy (it's steadily getting better). So since that came in November of last year it would have had to be after it.

      I just realized I occasionally contextualize time based on my facial hair.

      • jeepjeff

        Don't worry. I track the seasons based on hair coverage. It takes about 2 weeks for me get frustrated with mustache growth to trim it, and 6 months to get completely tired of a full beard. Generally, I can keep mutton chops going for a few months, and then I spend a few months shaving completely clean every 3-14 days (which means I spend a few months with Viggo-Mortensen-as-Aragorn stubble). At some point, I get tired of using my razor again, and just let it be. This usually happens in September. leaving me with a pretty appreciable beard sometime in October and Unix Admin levels by, oh, about now.

  • MVEilenstein

    As you know, there's more to HCOTY than just a car: it's how the car is used, the owner, the whole experience wrapped together.

    That's the reason I thought this a worthy HCOTY nominee. Besides, it made Best of Craigslist!

  • gearz1

    Many among us might find your inclusion of these Religious names sacreligious. Especially given the Christmas season.
    If you want Howard Fucking Stern you maggot cocksuckers then you got it.

    • Scandinavian Flick

      "Your" inclusion? Christmas season?
      It's a copy/paste of someone's CL listing from late April…

      • gearz1

        Does that make it less offensive?

        • Scandinavian Flick


          "it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."

          • gearz1

            Or :If you cannot blind them with your brilliance,baffle them with your bullshit.

            • Scandinavian Flick

              That's a really odd response. I honestly have no idea where to go from here.

    • As a Hooniversalist Hoonitarian, I apolgize if you have been offended by this post.

      • gearz1

        I was a hoon before it was heard of,although I did not invent the term.
        We should leave old Jesus and Mohammed and the rest out of this text.
        Not offended as much as surprised at the lack of discretion.

    • MVEilenstein

      I submitted this for HCOTY. Feel free to talk to me about it if you're bothered.

    • Maymar

      Fact – Jesus is shown as having a beard.
      Fact – Jesus did not surround himself with the trappings of wealth.

      So, can we posit that he might appreciate this car?

      • TurboBrick

        Are you implying that '95 Grand Am might actually be the answer to WWJD?

        EDIT: I would have guessed him to be a 15-passenger Econoline kinda guy so he can roll with his crew.

        • Maymar

          As the son of a carpenter, I'd assume old Ford Ranger, but slap a roof rack on this, and it could work.

    • Am I missing something here? It's a funny Craigslist ad…

  • Scoutdude

    You forgot the "H", the line is Jesus H Tap Dancing Christ.

  • Number_Six

    To: tips@hooniverse.com

    Hi guys,

    Regular reader here. Just wanted to let you know I found your HCOTY Grand Am post to be offensive. Normally your articles stay within the bounds of good taste and humor but this one bothered me. I clicked away from it and may have to read other sites instead if you continue to post offensive material.

    /fictional but civilized response to something that displeases on the Internet
    //for some unknown reason not a response that people seem to think of when they don't like what they see on the Internet

  • gearz1

    Hi Guys,
    Number-six thinks I should be more courteous in my dissent.
    He has a good point.
    So Merry Jesus jumping bean Christmas to All.

    • RahRahRecords

      That's more like the Hoonimas spirit!

  • jeepjeff

    I just want to say that I, for one, am horribly offended that this got nominated for HCOTY. I'm so offended, that I may have to cast my vote for it.

  • Devin

    Did this just happen?
    [youtube rdmcjd7kSWE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdmcjd7kSWE youtube]

    (Rather sweary)

    • HTWHLS

      No idea why…but I just cackled like a schoolgirl for 5 minutes….Merry Christmas!