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Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1955 Studebaker Commander Ambulet Edition

Jim Brennan December 4, 2012 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 52 Comments

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a humorous series of posts that are set to run this time every Tuesday, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. This weeks image may seem morbid since it’s the holiday season, but let’s see you try and tie it in. And if you haven’t participated, it’s time for you to do so.

Last week, we had an image of Santa conversing with a couple of youngsters, and the comments were both well crafted and quite funny, with the exception of a few naughty ones. One of our longtime fans, POLAЯ, actually entered two captions for this particular image; One was rather racy, and quite humorous. The other one? Well, it received the second most votes from you, and it went like this: “So instead of getting the surgery to have you boys separated, your parents did what with the charitable donations?” POLAЯ, I’ve always loved your comments and your humor, but this really wasn’t one of my favorites. It looks like you actually entered three comments, and the other two were rather funny and spot on. Keep up the good work.

The winner this time is also a long time fan of Hooniverse. She seems like a fixture on the Verse, and we are all very appreciative when she’s around. Of course I’m talking about $kaycog, and her caption was really the best one this week, and it went something like this: “Ho! Ho! Ho! No, kids, I don’t have any children of my own. I only come once a year, and that’s down the chimney.” (You should read the reply from POLAЯ… My keyboard will never be the same…) This was very clever, so congratulations once again $kaycog!

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is an advertising image for the 1955 Studebaker Commander Ambulet, where Studebaker was trying to peddle the Commander 2-door wagon to Municipalities, Law Enforcement, Fire Departments, Ambulance Services, Disaster and Civil Defence agancies, and so on. Studebaker was caught with their pants down without a proper 4-door wagon, and they didn’t have the resources to tool up for one quite yet. The image itself shows a Commander Wagon equipped with lights and a siren, along with two rugged police patrol officers. So, what do you think is currently in the cargo area? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after combing the morgue for evidence of Zombies, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this great rather morbid image.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

  • "If I just keep staring straight ahead, I can honestly testify that I saw nothing…"

  • Devin

    Bad door!

  • "Boy, I hate this car but Sheriff Taylor never lets me have the bullet nose."

  • Devin

    "One thousand, two hundred and twenty three… one thousand two hundred and twenty four… one thousand two hundred and twenty five… What Bob? I know we're in a hurry but we've got to tell the chief how much money we got in the bust! It's not my fault they only used small bills! Now you made me lose count. One… Two…"

  • "OK Bob, when Fred gets to the morgue jump out and scream BOO."
    I love hazing the rookies.
    "Yes Bob, I took the bullets out of Fred's gun."

  • PotbellyJoe

    The largest dome in South Bend that didn't have gold applied to it, happened to belong to a different set of boys in blue…

  • $kaycog

    "The prisoner isn't very happy in the back of this Stupidbaker, Frank."

    /Thanks, Jim!

  • The 1955 Studebaker Ambulette. Its so roomy, this officer can take it in the rear and hardly notice.

  • smalleyxb122

    And here we have a lovely black and white photograph.

  • The Studebaker Ambulet: The Rudy Ruettiger of cars.

  • Number_Six

    Other departments didn't like the '55 Commander because it lacked back doors. But we figured most of the calls we got in South Bend were drunk and disorderlys anyway – we'd just go out on patrol Friday nights and stack 'em in the back like cord wood.

  • danleym

    This cost cutting has to end. Now we lost two doors, the criminal we just arrested has to ride in the front seat with me, and my deputy has to walk back to the station. This seems like a bad idea…

  • Alcology

    Department testing led to 5 dead hookers, 1 dead dog, and the loss of Sheriff Kelly's dignity. A new record was set for the studebaker though.

  • gearz1

    Damn it frank,push with both hands and lean into it!

  • OA5599

    After her third major infraction within a month, Betty Sue was offered two options: seven days in jail or Seven Minutes in Heaven. Not that she considered an Ambulet to be heaven, but she did find her punishment to be enjoyable.

  • 1967 Officer Bob says Farewell to Studebaker.

  • wisc47

    Damn it Jim, would you stop touching the Commander's back end?

    • UDman


  • Glazed donuts really go straight to the back-end. Just look at that suspension!

  • skitter

    In this still from the 1955 horror klassic Bad Seed From Outer Space, the alien parasite has thawed inside its capsule and is reaching for Officer Sam, who will be turned from a matter-of-fact man of law and order into a cold Communist zombie.

  • When the Chief said I was going to get a Shooting Brake I thought it meant I didn't need to go re-certify at the range.

  • The boys at the station weren't excited about getting a new boss when they heard there would be a new Commander. They were even less excited when they realized it was a Studebaker.

  • dwbf11

    I tell ya Sam, I'm pleasantly surprised at how many Spartans can fit in the back of this here Commander!

  • Van_Sarockin

    "I told you I didn't want to hear any more about it, McGinty. I told the Chief we needed a truck with cavernous storage. And what does that joker do? He issues us this cadaverous wagon. Just get in and I'll buy you a jelly donut, after we drop these shifty drifters off at the morgue. They were all wrong. Our motto for the city was always the best – 'What Happens in South Bend, Stays in South Bend.' We're going to prove them all wrong, one body at a time." <Sigh> "Yes, you can run the siren."

  • Officer Mannequin was surprised, and annoyed, to find out they meant '2 door' literally; and wished he hadn't lost that bet with Officer Bernie.

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    Jimmy run to the back again, Chief is on the horn.

    This stupid car and chief's fat Studebaker plant boss poker buddy… The two missing doors, I can live with that. But, I mean, who screws together a good for nothing paddy wagon without a single antenna even? Did they run out or something?

    Stop moving back there, he's breaking-up! And hold your left hand up for cris-sakes!

  • Scott

    Officer Smyth views yet another prisoner knocked out cold due to the Commanders low tolerance for tall suspects.

  • pwned88

    "Well we're not bump-starting sh*t with that kind of effort Bill"

  • pwned88

    "Very funny officer Kent, now let go of the bumper so I can answer that call already"

  • Rover1

    The Studebaker Ambulet, an Ambulance small enough to wear on a chain round your neck.

  • Kris

    Andy: "I've never SEEN so many dead hookers!"

    Barney: "Lord knows *I* have."


    Charlie couldn't help but notice his new partner, Constable Wort, had a strange fascination with the back end of their cruiser.

    • fodder650

      I hate to say it but that was my first thought as well.

  • fodder650

    Ok back here it says Packard, up front it says Studebacker. I am so confused by this.

  • Scott

    Push the button. ..push the button. .push the button push the button. .push the button

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