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Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1960 Chrysler Windsor Edition

Jim Brennan November 27, 2012 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 58 Comments

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This is a series of posts that are set to run this time every Tuesday, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. Since it’s the holiday season and this image is the perfect tie in, it’s time for you to participate in our little game.

Last week, we had an image of an Overheating Generic Convertible, and the comments were both well crafted and quite funny. One of our longtime fans, smalleyxb122, actually entered two captions for this particular image, and he managed to receive the highest number of votes for both. His first caption went like this: “Until that day, Margaret always referred to John’s car as a pile. After that day, it was a steaming pile” This was spot on, and very funny.

But his next entry was a Photoshop that received the most votes, and you can see that image on the left. If you look at the post from last week, there is a VW Type II van that’s about to pass our stranded travelers. This was very clever, so congratulations once again smalleyxb122!

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is an advertising image for the 1960 Chrysler Windsor, and it is appropriate for this time of year. This is the model year in which Chrysler switched to Unit Body construction, with the tag line: This is Chrysler’s Greatest … The Lion-Hearted 1960 Chrysler. You can see a Golden Lion Figure right in the center of the grill of this Windsor model. The image itself has the car front and center, but there is a whimsical element as well, with Santa Clause talking to a couple of kids that I can only assume are the offspring of the mother (on the outside of the car), and the proud, beaming Father (who is behind the wheel). So, what do you think Santa said to the Children? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after asking Santa for our new red Chrysler, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption for this great Holiday Occation

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

  • onrails

    Because Dad just HAD to have the gold trim option on their new Windsor, Timmy and Jimmy pled their case for a second scarf to the kindly old elf.

  • fodder650

    No I will not trade this for my sleigh. I don't care if it's red. Ok that's it you are both on the naughty list.

  • smalleyxb122

    “…and your Mommy? Has she been naughty?”

  • skitter

    My beard looks different every time because I need a time machine to travel to every time and place I need to be. To you, it's Christmas, 1960. To me, it's March of 2319.

  • MVEilenstein

    "You see, boys, when you're older, you don't get lumps of coal in your stockings; you get a Chrysler."

  • Devin

    Timmy and Jimmy find out how Santa pays for all the presents he gives little boys and girls.


    "So instead of getting the surgery to have you boys separated, your parents did what with the charitable donations?"

  • $kaycog

    Smalley……..your image was hilarious. For making me laugh, here's an early Chevy Impala for you which is what I see in that generic image.

    <img src="http://i687.photobucket.com/albums/vv234/BossK/impalagirls/AUSSIE_BABES_5.jpg"width="500"/&gt;

  • danleym

    Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you elves? Get back in the workshop! No time off until after Christmas!

  • $kaycog

    "Ho! Ho! Ho! No, kids, I don't have any children of my own. I only come once a year, and that's down the chimney."

  • JayP2112

    "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

  • Alcology

    Red rum huh? I'm more of a milk and cookies guy myself.


    Five years after Doreen sat on Santa's lap one night after work in the lingerie department, Bob was kept happy with nice cars and the kids saw their dad at least once a year.

  • danleym

    You kids said all you wanted for Christmas was to see your real dad. Well, here he is. No, your dad isn't Santa, he's a degenerate old man who likes to have kids sit on his lap and dresses up in a stupid suit. Merry Christmas, I hope you're happy.

  • Santa: Well, since you asked so nicely, sure I'll get in the car with you. Wait, what's that smell….

    Narrator: Needless to say, Dick and Jane got all the toys they wanted that year.

  • Number_Six

    "No, no, kids, no. Well, almost as drunk as your dad was when he bought this car but not nearly as drunk as he was when he married this woman! Oh, that's your mom? Yeah, I'd wear work gloves too if I was gonna touch that. Ho! Ho! Ho!"

  • jeepjeff

    "Hey, Santa, when you're done with those kids, why don't you hop in my sleigh here and we jingle all the way?"

  • wisc47

    "Ho Ho Ho, I'm not Santa kids, I'm just distracting you and your mother while my friend steals your car!"

  • Lotte

    Clearly, Alff's none too happy that his white Spider only made it halfway to the Christmas party.

    • Unfortunately, it won't even make it out of the garage this year. Santa has a sad.

  • smalleyxb122

    Now you get in that car, boys! I promised this nice man two small boys for Christmas, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you make me a liar!

  • This idea should work for say, four, five more years and then people will catch on, maybe we will switch to using vans and offer candy instead of toys

  • Sjalabais

    Now if you ain't nice to your mom I let the creepy glove man drive you home!

  • No, really – I'd rather walk…

  • Irishzombieman

    I got nothin'. What the hell is wrong with me?

    • Same thing that's wrong with me; I don't even want to think about Chrismas just yet. (And I hardly ever want to think about Chrysler.)

      • Irishzombieman

        Usually if I stare at a picture long enough, some story starts writing itself between my ears. Not working today. I think all that red in the pic is making it taste too sweet for my eyes.

        • danleym

          Have a few more Hop Rod Ryes. That'll get the creative juices flowing, or at least lower your "well, it's not great, but it's good enough to post" standard.

  • Please tell your mother my name is Nicholas. I don't know this "Obi Wan Kenobi".

  • Two elves for the Chrysler? Seems like a fair trade.

  • Actually, boys, I have thought about upgrading the sleigh to torsion bar suspension, but I'm worried about it bottoming out with the weight of all those toys in back…


    We heard Daddy tell a friend of his that he's just like Santa, except his three HOs are chopped up in the trunk.

  • OK I'll distract the couple. Timmy, you grab the lady with the white hat's purse. Jimmy, lift the guys wallet. Then we all jump in the Chrysler and take off.

  • Kelly

    Next car, I'm deleting that stupid dash-mounted floodlight. I can't see a damn thing.

  • fodder650

    What is that little Fernando? You are faster then your brother Felipe and deserve a better gift?

  • lilpoindexter

    "Hey kids…Dontcha want to have fun with Santa in the back seat of that big Chrysler Windsor?"

  • pwned88

    "What's that? Take a ride around the block in daddy's Chrysler? No thanks, my back hurts enough as it is"

  • Rover1

    Yes,it's the new Chrysler Windsor.It's the same as the Chrysler Detroit but with less guns and better healthcare.

  • Scott

    OK listen up you two little pricks……NO WAY that thing keeps up with Santa's sleigh… Santa's shit hauls ass! You two got that?

  • Scott

    Hi Santa.. We know you are really Mr Johnson from our school.

  • Scott

    HO HO HOOBOY do I know what a hemi is. Santa has to sit on a dough nut because of his hemi.

    • fodder650

      Rectum? Damn near killed him!

  • Scott Evangelista

    We know dads grinning like it’s paid for Santa but we heard mommy say she was going to have to sell her kitty on the fringing street to make the payments…soo were gonna need a cat for Christmas

  • Scott

    Can we stay out here and talk with you a while longer Santa? Cause when dad grins like that it usually means he just farted.

  • Scott

    Yeah Santa that's Bill Clinton .. Mommy says we have to call him uncle bill but he's not really our uncle. He's pretty funny though he thinks he's gonna be president some day.

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