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Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1955 Hudson Hornet Edition

Jim Brennan October 30, 2012 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 37 Comments

Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Post. This series has settled in its new time slot of Tuesday morning where it is starting to generate buzz across the web, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. Our fans have been quite clever with the captions, so if you’ve neglected to participate, this is the week to become one with the Hooniverse Hive Mind…

Last week, we had an image of a Little League Baseball Team, and the comments were both thought provoking, and quite humorous, like this one from long time Hooniverse fan skitter: “Lacking the talent to make a baseball dynasty, the organization chose to buy one instead.” Good One Skitter.

Right behind him was was one from our old pal Number_Six, and his comment went like this: …then I said, “mister, I don’t care how much free candy you got”! I thought this one was going to take the prize this week but there was one just a bit better.

The winner this time is Scandinavian Flick, who penned this very funny exchange:

“What’s this thing doing here?”
“Haha, it broke down and that guy just left it here!”

Dodge Dynasty: Until you drive one, you’ll never know just how far you can walk.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. This is a publicity image showing a 1955 Hudson Hornet Sedan with three different couples admiring its looks. the couples appear to be: 1) An Older Gentleman with what looks like his Wife wearing a dead fox, which was very fashionable during this time period. 2) Another Older Gentleman with what looks like his much younger (and possibly second) wife. 3) Two Fashionable Young Women who could very well be actual Lesbians (How forward looking for American Motors at that time), or maybe just co-workers. So, what could each of these couple be thinking about the new for 1955 “Hash”, and can you put a little spin on their thoughts… (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after trying to describe the looks of the Hudson ourselves, we will pronounce a winner. So, get to work and create you’re own caption, and just like this Hudson Hornet, create a little buzz of your own.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream

  • Irishzombieman

    Flick, that was awesome.

    Here's an excellent beer to drink while basking in the glory of your win. Double Jack, by Firestone WALKer Brewery. If you've not had it, you must go find it. Now.

    <img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5aiQSukvjuQ/TWUFa66jsWI/AAAAAAAAAZs/4q0qIUHiDpk/s1600/Firestone+Walker+Double+Jack.JPG&quot; width=300>

    • $kaycog

      Nice one, Scandinavian Flick!! I have for you a classic Dodge as shown here by a chilly Jungle Pam. Way to go, Flick!

      <img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5GhYHsr6C4/Town0mQIxOI/AAAAAAAABks/UA8nDnSJnz4/s1600/hotpants-1973-dodge%5B1%5D.jpg&quot; width="500">

      • She looks cold. I should warm her up.

        • $kaycog

          Such a gentleman. 😉

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      <img src="http://cdn.videogum.com/files/2011/08/danny_devito_walk_of_fame.jpg"&gt; Congrats Flick, you earned a star on the walk of fame!

      • Actually, those are pretty much available for purchase, about $30,000. Provided you have done enough work in entertainment. Maybe they should add a Web category.

    • Scandinavian Flick

      Hmmm, drinking fantastic beer at work while scoping some stonking great vintage boobies… I can think of no better way to spend a Tuesday morning! (Except maybe removing the "work" portion…)

      (Okay…. definitely removing the "work" portion…)

      Thanks, everyone!

      • Devin

        Work… work… oh so THAT'S why I'm sitting in this office.

        (I have been sort of productive today actually, just kind of putting off one last thing because it's boring and stupid.)

  • Doc, this Hornet might be all new, but it just isn't fabulous.

  • Couple 1: "Can you believe the youngsters say that Hudsons are for old people? That's a damned nice looking vehicle."

    Couple 2: (him, silently): "I think I'll buy it. When this gold-digging bitch leaves, all she'll get is a freaking Hudson"
    (her, silently): "If that cheap bastard thinks he's going to stick me with this POS, he's got another thing coming."

    Couple 3: "Look, Honey, it's two shades of blue … just like your ex-husband's balls."

  • Irishzombieman

    Like a Hornet-shaped Venus Flytrap, the car monster lured its prey to their death by with a combination of cushy leather seats and a stylish exterior. Folks just couldn't *not* climb into the thing. Once they closed the door, their fate was sealed.

  • Hudson finally struck marketing gold once they realized their prime demographic included middle-aged heterosexual couples, dirty old men, and young lesbians.

    • danleym

      Great minds think somewhat alike, and at exactly the same time, apparently.

  • danleym

    Hudson knew they couldn't compete for most car buyers, so their advertising was pointedly aimed at very narrow market segments to get every last sale possible. Here we have:
    The blind old man who has to have his wife describe what the car looks like, but still won't let her drive.
    The older couple fairly well into senility, who don't really know what they're looking at but it makes them happy.
    And lesbians.

  • $kaycog

    "Don't get too close to it, folks. We may have a real Hornet's nest here."

  • Devin

    Hudson: America's Subaru.

  • OA5599

    See that kink in the C pillar? With seats that recline to form twin travel beds, and soft springs for a really nice "ride", you may be astonished by the other kinky ways your neighbors enjoy their new Hudson.

  • The two-tone paint on the new Hudson Hornet: some people get it (lesbians), others, don't (the olds).


    Older couple:
    "Look Honey, with a grille like that the animals will drop dead Before we run them over! Just think Dear, no tire marks in your next coat! And we can still afford it on my pension."

    "Older/Younger" couple:
    "Now that John Jr.'s old enough to drive, we should get a new car!"
    "I see you looking at that back seat!! Need I remind you Professor Smith… or perhaps the School Board and your Ex-Wife could remind you how WE had little JJ?"

    Young girls:
    "Hey look, is that JJ's Mom and Dad?"
    "Gosh it IS! I hope they buy that car, just look at that back seat!"

  • Sjalabais

    Your chance to get stung by a hornet that's about to get extinct.

  • Van_Sarockin

    Two in the front, two in the rear and two in the boot. They say what the new Hornet can do is a physical impossibility. One way or another, you'll be stung!

  • SSurfer321

    3 out of 3 wives agree, the Hudson Hornet is the car to see, and be seen in.

  • skitter

    When they finally found Hank and Al, there was a wave of relief.among the search party. This was the moment before the shock when they suddenly realized what they were seeing.

  • BrianTheHoon

    "The all-new Hudson Hornet for 1955 – an inclusive car for all … as long as you're white."

  • Hudson, from Fabulous to flaccid in less than 3 years.

  • flr1975

    After years in the Piston Cup pits, medical school scrubs never felt comfortable to young Doc Hudson.

  • Alcology

    For forward thinking and backwards driving, choose Hudson.

  • wisc47

    "Gee wiz, the never ending, white void of Purgatory sure is a snooze, thankfully we have the Hudson Hornet!"

  • Number_Six

    "Of course it would be another thirty years before the term 'lesbian bed death' was widely used, but your aunt Macy and I just knew…"

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    "Loving him is like driving an old Hudson Hornet down a dead end street.

    But loving him was blue. Blue just shades of blue."

    Nope, it's just not the same and we have a break-down prone Maser to thank for it!

    That makes me think, anyone have a better Hudson song?
    [youtube TZvXjCxXT3M http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvXjCxXT3M youtube]

  • My maternal grandmother had a fox tippet just like the older woman in this image is wearing. Scared the hell out of this olelongrooffan whenever she wore it. It still gives me the shudders.

    • Alcology

      They're creepy as hell! My mom bought a pair from a thrift store as a joke and would leave them around the house for fun.

  • Two out of three couples love the Hudson Hornet. The third wants us to offer it as a wagon with 4WD.

    Hmmm…can we get back to you in about, uh, 25 years?

  • 2000ccsoffury

    The 1955 Hudson Hornet: For WASPs Only

  • Vairship

    The all-new 1955 Hudson Hornet. It's definitely a step up from the previous generation!

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