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Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1963 Dodge Polara Edition

Jim Brennan August 28, 2012 Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest 46 Comments

Welcome to the renewed Hooniverse Classic Captions. It has been about 6 weeks since I restarted the Classic Caption Posting, and you seem to be enjoying this feature, so let’s review the premise; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. There is still quite a few of you that are not participating, so why not join in the fun this week?

Last week, we had an image of an Imperial in front of a Barber Shop, and most of the captions were quite amusing. One of the entries was from our old friend Alff who came up with this cheeky quip: “After the royalties from The Empire Strikes Back were spent, Billy Dee’s budget was pretty tight. Even then, he always had style.” Very Funny Alff. But it was B72 who came up with the winning caption, after being set up by P161911: The conversation went like this:

P161911:“You ain’t fooling anybody, that’s not a Cadillac!”
B72: “You know, the man’s right. No one has ever heard of “the Barber of Imperial“…
Congratulations B72!

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. It is an Advertising image for the 1963 Dodge Polara featuring four beautiful women behind a dressing screen. They all seem to be pleased with themselves, and the car seems to take a back-seat to the image, so what do you think the story really is?. Are they secret nudists, or just teasing the men with their brazen behavior? And what are they going to do with that Dodge in the background? What is this image really suppose to be? (Spoiler Alert, You can click here to see the full size image and get the original meaning)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate entries, and after slipping into something a little more comfortable, we will proclaim a winner. So, hide behind a screen, reveal nothing, and get to work!

Lead Image Credit: Alden Jewel’s Flickr Photostream

  • dukeisduke

    Somewhere I have a magazine that contains that ad (PopSci maybe). I remember the teaser at the bottom right for the "new" 880 (disguised Chrysler) that was coming (since many buyers rejected the downsized Mopars).

  • Scandinavian Flick

    Take a Polara, it'll last longer.

  • In order to ensure that Chrysler, Dodge and Plymouth products had their own identity, management put up a chinese wall between the divisions. This is what it looked like.

  • Devin

    Let's Make a Deal used to be quite racy, though as one might expect there was a surprise behind door number 3.

  • Kogashiwa

    What you see is not what you get. What you don't see, you also don't get.

    • Vairship

      I don't get it!

  • njhoon

    We're sorry. Even we don't like the looks of it, so here are some models to look at instead.
    – Dodge Management

  • Charles_Barrett

    This week on True Hollywood Stories
    "Betty Jo, Bobby Jo, and Billie Jo, along with their mom Kate, had no choice but to do public appearances at Dodge dealers nationwide after the producers at Filmways signed that endorsement deal with Chrysler. They soon after fired their agent at William Morris for failing to read the fine print. Ironically, they realized later that it was the only reason Petticoat Junction escaped cancellation for as long as it did…"

  • $kaycog

    Nobody ever believes us when we say we have nothing to wear. Let's go, girls.

  • tiberiusẅisë

    You all are assuming that this is a car ad. It is not. It is an ad for Playboy magazine.

    "Now that we've got your attention, why don't you go pick up a copy of what you really want? Playboy, entertainment for men."

    /for the articles.

  • What´s behind a chinese folding wall, better be kept behind a chinese folding wall, desilussions may occur.

  • While BBDO's 1963 print campaign for Chrysler is largely regarded as a flop, urban lore has it that it was the inspiration for something called a "glory hole".

  • The original ad was "Pardon us while we slip into something comfortable".
    "Something comfortable" usually applies to something frumpy, old, oversize, and almost worn out. (at least in my wife's case)
    Yep, this Dodge qualifies.

  • smalleyxb122

    Dodge Polara.

    Because racy car.

  • jeepjeff

    I sense a non-two wheel theme of the day:

    "Kamil: That’s like asking for a super hot and horny 50 year old woman… When an equally pricey 25 year old would do everything better."

  • Irishzombieman

    It's like raiiaaaaaaaaaaaaain
    On your wedding day!
    It's a free riiiiiiiiiiiide. . . .

    • tiberiusẅisë

      When you're already laid.

  • tempesjo

    To the befuddlement of the Chrysler accountants, Larry's Las Vegas Dodge was the only dealership in the country that could sell the stripper model Polara for a $1000 premium.

  • Sjalabais

    Only long items are wanted behind that screen.

  • flr1975

    To land the Dodge account, Joan had to bring friends.

  • Irishzombieman

    . . . and in the years following that fateful photoshoot Judy, Trudy and Jill went on to live productive lives and slipped quietly into comfortable old age. Betty processed the event differently though, and spent the rest of her days knitting socks.

    <img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_TVtIHCYgGfM/S_bAlS1RlFI/AAAAAAAAAIo/jzmSRSweh_U/s1600/four%2Bold%2Bladies.jpg&quot; width="500/">

  • MVEilenstein

    With its whisper-quiet engine and low, sleek profile, lurking in the background has never been easier.

  • dwbf11

    Girls: Sir, I don't think this was what the nice folks at Chrysler meant by "we hope you can capture the essence of the new-for-1963 Dual Quad Max Wedge" setup!
    Photographer (smirking): It's called artistic license. After this, I'll be trying to "capture the essence" of that 8 3/4" rear end with Sure Grip!

  • XRSevin

    The Sirens were quite proud of their new Polara, especially the roomy 6 mariner trunk.

  • Devin

    Due to supply issues, some Dodge Polaras were delivered to dealerships missing key components. Some dealers found a workaround.

  • pj134

    At Dodge, extra parts are always free.

    • pj134

      Fine, I'll take my "they're actually men" jokes and go home.

  • skitter

    A dream car is beautiful, powerful, and ageless.
    With the 1963 Dodge Polara, you'll have to just use your imagination.

  • The showroom at your participating* Dodge dealer now has what you really want—naked women.

    *Not all Dodge dealers participate in this promotion. Dealerships in states/counties/cities with enforceable decency codes; near schools, playgrounds or police stations; owned by conservative churchgoing folk or women are least likely to participate in this marketing program. Dealerships in urban areas with close proximity to modeling agencies, burlesque houses, taverns, casinos and horse racing tracks are your best best. We'd say try Vegas or Reno because they both hired showgirls that are total knockouts, but they've been out of cars for months so that sort of defeats the purpose. There's one dealer in northern Michigan that has six naked women, but they're hiding in the managers office and we've promised not to print the exact location; ask around at bait shops, somebody can clue you in. Stay away from the dealer in Hartford: skank city! The majority of the girls at the dealership in Fort Lauderdale are rather plump, but still pretty okay if that's your thing. Be forewarned: two of the girls in Ogden are the dealer's daughters, so prepare for a significant creep-out factor there. Both dealers in El Paso have Mexicans. Two of the four at the Oakland dealer are over 30 and have had kids, but don't worry, they're really athletic types and haven't let their figures go.

    DISCLAIMER: Dodge, does not condone the sexual objectification of women, but it's still only 1963, and we'll be able to get away with this for a couple more years. We're really sorry if this offends anybody, but we REALLY, REALLY want to sell you a Dodge. Please. We're begging you.

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    Okay which of you jokers made this Brazilian Dodge Polara ad?

  • XRSevin

    The Rudi Gernreich Designer Edition Polara was, surpisingly, a hardtop.

  • OA5599

    Max Wedge Polara. Coming to a strip near you.

  • Raze1138

    The 1963 Dodge Polara, now available with an exhaust note equal to the resonant frequency of ladies undergarments.

  • Frere P.

    Proof positive that the best view of a '63 Polara is the one from inside.

  • In the butt, Bob.

  • Vairship

    Dodge for 1963 – Plucked chickens 'r us!

  • name_too_long

    "So, uh, honey; the girls and I took the car into town and, um, well, there might have been a slight incident with a motorcycle.

    It's okay though, there was plenty of room for him and his bike in the Polara's cavernous trunk and Judy says her husband can take care of the body work without the police getting suspicious."

  • Zzzoott Zzootticus

    With Monte Hall calling on him to choose what was behind Doors 1, 2, 3, or 4 and audience roaring, Charles, tied to Doris as a pair of fuzzy dice, found his life suddenly rendered more far complex than when they entered the Price is Right studios earlier that morning.

  • B72

    The 1963 Dodge Polara: Some things are best left to the imagination.

  • The Spearmint Rhino founder's second gentlemen's club venture, the Parsley Ram, had a very short life. Mostly because patrons objected to the blatant product placement.

  • Kelly

    Polara makes her clothes fall off.

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