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Encyclopedia Hoonatica- Fake Exhaust Outlets

Robert Emslie August 16, 2012 Encyclopedia Hoonatica 57 Comments

There are physical characteristics that highlight one’s virility or femininity – notably washboard abs for men and well proportioned gazongers for the ladies. In the case of automobiles, the most common expression of power and performance is the exhaust, in both sound and its visible manifestation. And just like certain aspects of human physiognomy, an auto’s exhaust can be faked. For this edition of Encyclopedia Hoonatica, we want to exhaust all the instances of cars with fake exhaust.

Adherents of the cult of car exhaust systems typically divide into two sects – the more the merrier mass and the bigger is better bunch. The former like their exhaust to take multiple routes to their final destination, usually at the car’s extreme rear. Examples of the patron saints of this group are the Jaguar E-Type V12 with its four prominent trumpets, and the similarly equipped Chevrolet Corvette ZR1.

The latter group believes that size matters and worship at the alter of the Fart Can, a huge tumorous appendage typically found scraping the pavement or melting the plastic bumper of the car upon which it has been applied. Their name derives from the staccato, post-Taco Bell-like noise they engender. Much like combative Sunis and  Shia, which are both members of the Muslim faith, Fart Canners and Multiples tend not to get along

But there’s a whole ‘nother group of exhausters, and while the others may war over which is the best way to get the engine’s expended charge into the atmosphere with the least power loss and the most neighborhood shaking noise, one thing they can agree upon is how much they despise the faux-austers. That’s right, fake exhaust tips, like silicone boobies and your feigned affection for anyone else’s cat, are generally an eye rolling affair. Sometimes they’re an affectation of the car’s owner, having resulted from a weak moment in the automotive aisle at the Walmarts. Other times it’s factory sanctioned, like the 1975 dealer modification detailed above which instructed Ferrari stores to add straight chrome snoods to the 308 GT4’s existing shoe blaster pipes, hiding the fact that the real outlet remains pavement-facing.

When it comes to exhaust, faking it can also come in two forms- big holes hiding little pipes, or the aforementioned pipes to nowhere that are 100% for show and offer nothing for go. There are many, many cars that challenge credulity through the faking of their exhaust outlets, and many of those are from companies that have otherwise eschewed elements that position form ahead of function – companies like BMW and Lexus. What other cars can you find that offer up faux exhaust ports and might make you think they’re actually packing more punch than they really are, or just want to put on a good show?

 

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Images: [birdmanferrari PDF, Carpictures.cc, CarFAQ]