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Has the BMW 1 Series become the German Hoon Machine we’ve always hoped it would?

Jeff Glucker May 15, 2012 All Things Hoon 20 Comments

According to a recent story on the blog of Autos, BMW is officially ready to release a 320-horsepower 135 out into the world. It’s called the M135i, and it gets its forward motivation courtesy of a turbocharged inline six-cylinder engine that’s saddled with all the caps-lock infused acronyms and tech BMW can throw at it. Europe is getting the hatchback version in both three and five-door hatchback flavors, but it seems we will have to “settle” for the coupe variety here in the States.

From the get-go, we’ve always had an eye on the progress of the 1 Series. Memories of the so-ugly-it’s-beautiful clownshoe still dance in our heads, and we’ve been hoping for something similar ever since the 1 Series came to be here in the U.S. of A. Both the 128 and 135 variants offered up something intriguing for those hoons who enjoy German precision and a lightweight dance partner. Still, neither car was that¬†exciting.

Soon, however, BMW stepped up to the performance plate and delivered the 1M coupe. This whirling dervish of tire destruction produces 335 horsepower and 332 pound-feet of torque. Its I6 motor is helped along by a pair of turbos, and the entire package screams along towards a 7,000 rpm redline. Those shopping for the M3 were forced to keep an eye on their rear-view mirrors, should any 1M owners sniff them out, and stick a pair of kidney grilles right up their asses.

Now BMW is getting ready to plop the M135i upon us, and it seems the 1 Series line offers up a nice variety of choices for those looking for the ultimate driving experience in a smaller (and more affordable) package. Sure, Europe actually have even more choices when it comes to 1 Series shopping, but the U.S-bound lineup is pretty exciting.

Now, if we could just get BMW to toss us a set of keys to prove our theory…

[Source: Autoblog | Image: Courtesy of BMW]

  • buzzboy7

    I do prefer the Clownshoe, but that's pretty swank right there. I'd drive it in a heartbeat.

    • http://www.hooniverse.com Mad_Science

      Seems like we've got Clownshoe 2.0

      • http://flyinghammerstudio.net/ SSurfer321

        tail lights and side profile remind me of a bugeye WRX

        • jeepjeff

          Between the blue paint and the shape, my first thought on seeing the photo was "That's a funny looking Subie."

          EDIT: Would a "funny looking Subie" imply the object looks less funny or completely out of this world? Does the added "funny looking" modifier cancel with the implied? (And of course, this is a strength of Subaru, IMO. I like the Impreza.)

          • http://www.flowerpowerkc.com Alff

            I think a "funny looking Subie" would have to imply that said vehicle is less funny looking.

      • facelvega

        I served with the clownshoe, I knew the clownshoe, the clownshoe was a friend of mine. M135i, you're no clownshoe.

  • http://www.proofnpudding.com muthalovin

    The 1-series M coupe is awesome, and so was the clownshoe. I look forward to seeing these 135 hatches/wagons in the US, and I think that they will be infinitely more fun than the similar offerings from Audi and Mercedes.

  • pj134

    Es ist sehr große…

  • Stu_Rock

    Every time I see a 1-series, the downward-arcing line at the rocker panel makes me smile because it reminds me of one my cats. He's somewhat rotund–when standing and viewed from the side, his round belly sweeps an arc between his front and hind legs just like that rocker panel connects the front and rear wheels.

  • GregKachadurian

    I would love to drive/hoon/own one of those. It looks and sounds like a blast to drive but I just can't get over how weird the front looks to me. I think "so ugly it's beautiful" is a good way to put it.

  • PowerTryp

    If BMW could put it on a weight loss plan they wouldn't need all that power to haul it's heft. Seriously 3,153 – 3,318LBS is just way too high a weight for a car that size even in this day and age especially when the new Toysiobaru weighs in at 2,806 – 2,813LBS with the auto tranny.

  • sport_wagon

    It is indeed the hoon machine we've all been waiting for. But it's hideous. I mean really, really fugly.

    • PowerTryp

      Give it 20 years and we'll love it for it's ugly.

    • tonyola

      In reality, the 2002 was never a thing of beauty either, but fans are more than willing to forgive its visual flaws. I'm not crazy about the 1-series, but its looks won't be an impediment.

    • http://www.Hooniverse.com Jeff_Glucker

      I love ugly cars

  • Syrax

    Is that badge crooked? It's hurting me. Must be the lighting.

  • karmatose

    It's no E30, but I'd take one for a DD.

  • domino_vitali

    no. half of a back seat doesn't make anything better. neither does illogical and blasphemous nomenclature.

    Janne Nilsson has the same reaction to the 1 series that i did, at 1:42

    [youtube NFPuke_AZmU&feature=plcp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFPuke_AZmU&feature=plcp youtube]

  • Marto

    Dear BMW,
    Stop STYLING your cars. Just DESIGN them like you used to.
    Love, Marto.

    • Kogashiwa



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