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Last Call- Triple-Ain’t Edition

Robert Emslie April 12, 2012 Last Call 32 Comments

Undeterred by his truck’s lack of a flat bed, Cletus none the less assured the owner of the Taurus that he could get the car back to his shop even with its brakes locked up. Sadly for Cletus, he didn’t make it.

Image: [Imgur]

  • Nine months later, a Chevy 350-powered Ranchero rolled out of Cletus's garage.

  • I can't be the only one to find this amazing!? How is the front of that truck not off the ground with all that weight so far behind the rear axle?

    • toyotadiesel

      Trucks are heavy, and he was smart enough to put motor and trans in front of the rear wheels. What I can't figure out is how he attached the front of the car to the truck.

    • dukeisduke

      The Taurus is FWD, so 60-65% of its weight is over the front wheels. BTW, the plate on the truck looks to me like New York or Michigan.

      • FuzzyPlushroom

        New York, aye, by the trooper's Tahoe.

    • Look at the front wheels, I'm pretty sure there isn't much up travel left on that truck suspension. Hope he doesn't hit a bump.

      My dad tells the story of when he was a kid his father sent him in the pickup to get a load of gravel. The guys at the quarry asked "How much?" My Dad's response was "Just fill it to the top" Dad says the front wheels came off the ground every time he hit a bump on the way home.

      • At a plant nursery/garden supply place just outside Seattle, I had the opportunity to watch a guy in a 70-something F250 tell the loader operator that he wanted an entire yard of gravel dumped in the bed of his pickup truck. (Signs are posted prominently declaring recommended bulk material loads – a quarter yard of gravel for full size pickups – as well as liability disclaimers for the nursery regarding customer vehicle damage). The loader operator refused a couple of times, then called his manager out to argue with the guy. Pickup truck guy was being an obnoxious douche, so the manager relented & told the loader guy to dump a full yard o' gravel into the truck.

        Hilarity ensued. That this happened prior to the advent of digital photography remains one of my biggest regrets.

  • Feds_II

    Nah, I'm pretty sure it'll be fine. I do things like this all the time.

  • dukeisduke

    It's a '98 or '99 Taurus – it has red turn signals on the rear, instead of the amber ones on the '96-'97 cars.

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      Duratec-powered, too, so it had reasonable power and the less-terrible AX4N. The wheels, meanwhile, are from a previous-generation Taurus.

    • But it has 2nd gen Taurus wheels.

  • schigleymischke

    Has anyone else ever noticed the guys moving used cars, usually a caravan of three or four trucks, usually Tacomas, towing another truck or car? I see them all the time going west on I-20. Probably delivering them south of the border.

    • Metric Wrench

      Yeah, it started in the midwest around 2004. Caravans of trucks, or even a decent size sedan, pulling another car. A buddy of mine who worked down in Mexico for a while said they would advertize on the radio when a shipment of 'good clean nortreamericano cars' would be arriving in town. I ran into a guy in the auction business in Chicago, and he confirmed it – anything automatic and halfway decent under 5k was snapped up and shipped down. Hey, someone found a way to satisfy a demand and make some deniro, more power to 'em.

      • dukeisduke

        You see it all the time on I-35, heading south through Texas towards Mexico. Cars bought off of note lots in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, which I guess are in demand down there. A lot of the ones I've seen are minivans, usually older Dodge/Chrysler models.

      • You see that, and also pickup trucks hauling all kinds of random stuff on their way to the border, running through Highway 80 here in Tombstone. I've seen trucks loaded high with used tires, washing machines, all kinds of shit you see at yard sales and flea markets. Also, you see trucks headed this way, with antiques, wooden furniture, and minerals. Whenever those guys have rusty mining junk, they stop by where I work to see if we're interested. We usually are.

  • craigsu

    Well, his not making it certainly wasn't for lack of effort. I'm guessing he got stopped for not having a red flag attached since the Taurus is hanging more than 3 feet off his bumper.

  • Number_Six

    I know that guy, he parks like tha Wow.

  • I need a drink.

  • Van_Sarockin

    What kind of an asshat transports a load that protrudes more than four feet off the back of your truck, and doesn't turn on the flashers or hang a red flag off the rear? I'm sure he'd be fine otherwise.

    NB: Those tie down points are a whole lot more solid than I ever imagined.

  • Ensign Slow

    "Hi, this is car um, what number are we?" "Five five!" "Car fifty-five! Um… We're in a truck!

  • mike england

    OMG this is SO funny – OK, I've just read ALL the comments here and on the other website and I can't believe no one has made this observation yet – How is that Taurus SO important you practically wreck your pickup truck just getting it home? Do you see how much damage is done to the bed of the pickup truck? Granted, a Ford Taurus is a cool ride and that's a chevy pickup truck and therefore expendable . . . not like he messed up a nice F150 er sumethin. . .
    OK, one more remark – maybe he doesn't have faith the Chevy PU will get him home and the Ford product is his backup plan. . .
    I'm just sayin. . . ya never know how long ya might haveta wait fer AAA. . .

  • pj134

    I wonder when that Taurus will show up on a LeMons track…

  • C³-Cool Cadillac Cat

    Cleatus would have been fine if Billy Ray had remembered to tie a red rag onto the back of the car….

  • stickmanonymous

    Perhaps someone can post this picture. Here's the link:

    A little tidier…

    • Froggmann_

      Here ya go:

      <img src="http://i.imgur.com/leAOA.jpg&quot; /img>

      • topdeadcentre

        What could POSSIBLY go wrong?

      • stickmanonymous


      • RegalRegalia

        The "how the hell did he do that" factor is much higher here than with Cletus' Taurus.

  • Marcal

    Don't know many people in NY named Cletus.

  • beefmalone

    Apparently he watched too many pickup commercials back in the 80s.

  • Thanks for finally talking about >Last Call- Triple-Ain