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Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1974 Dodge Monaco Edition

With temperatures reaching record highs throughout the US, and with Spring around the corner, I thought it might be time for a Spring Edition of the Hooniverse Classic Caption Contest. We will get to the lead picture in a minute, but let’s recap the premise for this feature; I search for images that were used by the car companies in their print advertising or brochures, and it is your job to provide a humorous, snarky, or thought provoking caption that is some how tied in with the image. This week you are all playing for another Mack Trucks Belt Buckle that I received some time ago ago. I know there are still quite a few of you that have not participated in our game yet, so this would be a perfect time to decorate your jeans, and participate.

Last weeks image was of a picture of a life guard on the beach and most comments were very funny. One of the entries was a photoshop of the contest image (on left), and Irishzombieman added this caption: “The new 1968 Ford Mustang, now available in Atomic Fireball Red.” Great combination, but it was our own Charles_Barrett who was this winner this time around with the following caption: “Young Rajesh was not the tallest lifeguard on the beach that summer of ’68, nor the strongest swimmer, but his mastery of all 1250 verses of the Kama Sutra made him the most popular by far…” Congratulations Charles, and you need to send me an e-mail telling me where to send your prize.

It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. It is a Brochure image for the 1974 Dodge Fulline Catalog featuring a lovely young lady in a period correct “Halter Top” Evening Dress. This isn’t the typical image I use in this feature, but the pose with the open mouth, and that dress made me remember my High School Senior Prom Night. What does it remind you of? (You can click here to see the full size image)

You have the next five days to come up with a great caption. The editors will deliberate the merits of each entry, with the best one awarded this weeks prize.

Lead Image Credit: The Old Car Manual Project

  • It's 106 miles to West Hollywood, we've got a full bag of coke, half a pack of spliffs, it's hot…. and we're wearing polyester.

    Snort it!

    • OA5599

      It's got a cop motor, a 440-cubic-inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters, so it'll run good on regular gas. And now it's available with dual airbags.

  • tonyola

    "Never mind that there's a Fuel Crisis going on and Chrysler can't even give away their crappy big cars this year. Just look at my breasts and whip out your…..checkbook."

  • (Note: Trade-in value for both models will approach zero within ten years.)

  • Samantha loved Prince Rainier III, but due to the unfortunate incident in his hotel suite and the resulting travel restriction, the closest she could get to Monaco was a Dodge.

  • $kaycog

    Join the Dodge rebellion………I cross my heart you won't be disappointed.

  • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

    It's not a Buick Electra and that's okay, cause she's not really a blonde, or a she either.

  • Devin

    To: The US Gov. Re: Headlight Regulations.

    Attached is a photo of two models, one of which has been enhanced by new headlights. We expect the ability to install newer, more modern headlights on the second model to lead to a proportionate increase in desirability.

    -Dodge.

  • Alcology

    What's the difference between a dodge monaco and herpes?

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      You couldn't get a full size Monaco like this anymore when the Magnums became available?

      • Alcology

        Herpes is for life, as that model just found out before her shoot.

  • Charles_Barrett

    "Hi. I'm Dorothy Stratten. When my girlfriends Barbi Benton, Marilyn Chambers, and I are all going out for a night on the town at Studio 54, we always take Heff's 1974 Dodge Monaco. The plush interior features many convenience mirrors, straight line handling, and razor sharp performance. It leaves the competition in the powder… er, dust…!"

    • It handles like it's on rails. The lines are exquisite, it boasts mind numbing performance, and it makes you want to dance to The Average White Band until the sun comes up. However, when you're driving this Dodge, all you can think about is how much you like driving this Dodge, and where you can get more fuel to keep that Dodge going. In fact, your friends may have that exact thing that you need, but are holding out on you so they can keep their own Dodges running along down the street. Keeping a Dodge like this in your driveway is a very expensive and foolish hobby. You may snort at this notion, but I'm not just being a blow-hard.

  • salguod

    Julia's mastery of a mindless longing for sparkly emo vampires was nearly perfect, but alas, a few decades too early.

  • A Dodge Monaco advertisement recipe: 1 pretty lady, 1 Dodge Monaco, 2 ghosts at the window of a creepy house.

    • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

      Yippie! I just could not work anything with that, I backspaced so many words. The best I could come-up was something about the symbolism of the two heads coming together into the all new Dodge Polaco or that you would make the same face when you realized your father had been reincarnated as the family dog (stupid headlight reflection as well).

      • RIGHT?! I was tempted to just post "GHOSTS!"

      • I'm guessing the Dodge is possessed by the spirit of the dead husband/boyfriend and the mirror is a Twilight Zone reflection type thing.

  • flr1975

    The point on the graph where Detroit downsizing and Chatsworth upsizing intersect.

  • njhoon

    Dodge would later drop Carol VanSant as the spokes model for the new Monaco after her 'accident'

  • I murdered my husband for buying the Monaco. I buried the body in the back yard. His ghost haunts me, yes, but in more ways then appearing in the window: every time I try to destroy the Monaco, it appears in the garage the next day. No mater how I try to destroy it, it will never go.

    • Devin

      The Tell-Tale Dodge.

  • tempesjo

    With only a touch to the hood, Jan used her clairvoyance to convey to the world, in one single expression, the essence of the 1974 Dodge Monaco: Sexy and classy at first glance; but upon more scrutiny, numb to your touch, dead on the inside, costly to maintain, and possibly carrying more baggage than you could ever handle.

  • Little known fact: A considerable portion of ghosts have two heads.

  • OMG! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT WALL SCONCE!

  • VolvoNut

    New for 1974, Dodge Monaco Pendulous Edition.

  • C³-Cool Cadillac Cat

    1974…that's the number of times I've Dodged guys who hit on me.

  • PotbellyJoe

    Long-armed women love the Dodge Monaco. It affords them the ability to hide their faces behind the massive B-pillars.

  • 1974: Dodge and blonde in formal wear.
    1984: Dodge and blonde showing wear.

  • ReneM

    What does every high school footballer want after scoring 4 touchdowns in a single game? A blonde and a Dodge. If you can't get one at least get the other.

  • Irishzombieman

    Gaaack. . . choking. . . hel–

  • Van_Sarockin

    Just one look and everyone is possessed by the Dodge Monaco Damien Edition. Black as a black mass at a crossroads at midnight under a new moon, and devilishly comfortable. It's spellbinding power and demon handling can't be stopped until the optional front disc brakes glow like the circles of Hell themselves.

  • Age_of_Aerostar

    "My husband? <chuckle> I make decisions for myself, and this time, I chose something big and black"

  • DemonXanth

    Where did I put my… uhhhh… what was I looking for again?

  • "The future belongs to Dodge. In twenty years, everyone will be driving full-size Monacos, and those little foreign cars that seem so trendy today will be just as extinct as the brassiere will surely be."

  • You can dodge the Dodge, but Marty, can I use the DeLorean for a moment?

  • topdeadcentre

    "Why do I always have to wait by the car while Glen is inside tipping the cabana boy?"

  • "Dodge What?"

  • topdeadcentre

    By-the-by, the photo was taken outside an entrance to one of the Buffum's department stores (they were in California), kind of a Nordstrom's or maybe Saks Fifth Ave. of the early 70's.

    I just stayed at a hotel this last weekend which was decorated in very much the same style all the way up until last year, when they stripped all the old architectural details off, got rid of all the fantastic and weird old 70's stuff, and painted the interior in colors that were up-to-the-minute in 2009, olive-drab and blood-red, with cream-beige accents. Yuck.

    • I remember going to the Buffum's on Baldwin and Duarte in Arcadia when I was a tyke. Truly a throwback place, even in the mid- to late-'80s; the departments of the store were demarcated by way more than just signs hanging from the ceiling.

      That particular ex-Buffum's has been just another Burlington Coat Factory for about 20 years now.

  • skitter

    Margaret regretted running off and marrying that Dodge Monaco in 'Vegas before they were even through taking pictures.

  • texlenin

    Why yes, William Ware Thiess did design this dress.
    How did you know?

  • legion

    But Daddy, I wanted a Mercedes!