Hooniverse Asks- What’s the Worst Pickup Truck Add-on Ever?
There isn’t a category of car that doesn’t have some advocate for adornment in its corner, and some of the most offensive are pickup truck owners. Who else would festoon their vehicle with a disembodied pair of gentleman’s marbles like the rendered safe for work image above? Sure, Ricers may aerodynamicize their rides beyond comprehension, and owners of Bitchin Camaros may dream of Cragar mags and shackle lifts, but as the unofficial vehicle of America truck owners are to blame for not only lapses of taste, but also making the U.S. look bad. What have you seen that could be a contender for worst offender?
It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment that pickups went from utilitarian work conveyance to mainstream canvas for expression, but I blame Urban Cowboy. Of course, I blame John Travolta for a lot of things that piss me off, so my opinion may be biased. Still, whatever the exact moment, trucks suddenly became status symbols for a certain group – we’ll call them the Redneck Fratboy and just leave it at that. And one thing that pickup owners like to do is turn their trucks into a statement of some sort, whether it be through bumper stickers, freedom espousing murals, or the occasional exhaust stack or hood-mounted cow horns.
Personalization is, well, a personal thing, and as no two people’s taste will be the same, what’s one man’s meat is another’s poison, or to put it in more automotive terms, what did you do to your truck?!
Image: [Guanabee -Fun Facts For Latinos!]
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At first I thought the lead photo was for a Bumper Dumper.
<img src="http://www.bumperdumper.com/images/turkey1.jpg"width=500> http://www.bumperdumper.com/
<img src="http://www.bumperdumper.com/images/leno.jpg"> Hoky crap is that Balki shilling the thing!?
Everyone should be thankful that they're $70. That puts them just far enough outside my gag gift budget that I am unlikely to send one out for hoonimas next year.
Simply put as a wheel like this was never meant for a work truck. Especially a 4×4
<img src="http://www.f150online.com/forums/members/apf150-albums-my-truck-picture55356-side-view.jpg" />
Amen, brother. Had the same argument with the dealer's "aftermarket specialist" when I bought the Dodge. It's a work truck that goes in the mud. Why on earth would I wear wingtips on a RedWing job?
Really the picture isn't even the worst example of this. I mean look at some of the Jeep's out there wearing rubber bands. Why?! Because you know as well as I do that when it snows they will complain that there giant summer rubber won't grip the road.
Even when they have some ok rubber on them, it just shouts "I WILL NEVER USE THIS AS INTENDED AND MY GENITALS ARE SMALL!" I mean, you can't hammer them back in when you take a drop onto some rocks. I, personally, find no need for anything better than steelies on a truck. Cragar D Windows are perfect for just about anything. Although, dualies are another story.
<img src="http://www.carid.com/images/wheels/rbp/94r-chrome-with-black-inserts-jeep-wrangler.jpg" width=500>
I once watched a guy in a Chevy with 24s make a left-hand turn on damp asphalt, then do a neat 180 onto the 2ft wide concrete median, bending the rim on one of said 24s.
Be honest, how hard did you laugh?
I agree to an extent.
I had to upsize my wheels to fit the larger brakes I installed. I installed larger brakes because I was upsizing the tires for additional ground clearance/traction on construction sites. Since I had to upgrade, I bought larger forged wheels to save on weight vs. cast wheels.
Ok going up in size isn't the issue. It's what profile they were by the time you were done
I'll let you be the judge but I find it tasteful. I still fit in parking garages, car washes, etc.
<img src="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a317/ssurfer321/Picture006.jpg" ,="" width="400/">
33×12.5 on 17" forged wheels.
See what you did there is to make the most out of your truck. What I am talking about is something like this
<img src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.autoblog.com/media/2009/03/006_cherokeesrt8_opt.jpg" />
Now this is actually a factory wheel and tire package for the SRT8 but what's the point of taking a 4×4 that weighs more then two tons and putting summer rubber on it like that? And it's not even that good an example I've seen much worse near me
yeah I hate the 4×4's with 24" wheels on rubber bands.
What you did was to improve upon your trucks capabilities
Yeah, but you're doing it right.
Any sub-70% sidewall tires DO NOT BELONG ON A TRUCK.
I include 70-series only 'cause those were the tallest tires I could put on my last 4×4 without them hitting stuff at full compression.
Glasspacks
Most trucks I see with stacks like these are driven by douchenozzles.
<img src="http://www.puredieselpower.com/products/7sm.jpg">
Takes away part of the utility of the bed, and usually just serves as a bravado show for all of the modified diesel smoke to pour out of.
I first saw those in New England in the 1990s. Somebody said it was a way to keep the road salt from rusting out the exhaust. Now, I'm pretty sure you are right.
I can assure you that's not the case out here in California. Seems to be a fairly new trend for some of the "bros" who have graduated from Ford Rangers with unpainted fiberglass fenders.
EVERY diesel down here in KY is like that. Two 6" stacks or one 10" stack just off center. Hell I've even seen them on gasoline trucks.
Same here in West "By God" Virginia. Highly douchetastic.
I have a feeling that those would fill with rain if left parked outside.
The clown that used to live on my street put a bucket over his single centre stack when it rained. Douchenozzle is correct.
I had to go with the Calvin stickers. I know you like your Ford or Chevy but don't tell the other guys that theirs sucks. That's just asshattery at its finest.
To say nothing of the blatant copyright infringement. As a huge fan of Calvin and Hobbes, that really pisses me off. (Edit: No pun intended.)
These are in the same dumb category as the nutz.
<img src="http://craziestgadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/truck-antlers.jpg"width="500"/>
Looks like the automotive equivalent of Rudolf the red-Nosed Reindeer.
The cheap bargain-shop versions of these turn up on quite a few cars around here (Sydney, Australia) as a bit of fun at Christmas, but I agree, they would look just plain stupid at any other time of the year.
Unless you're seriously going off-road racing or driving the Baja, light bars.
<img src="http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg186/scaled.php?server=186&filename=lightbarge9.jpg&res=medium" width=500>
I don't know. I can at least make a use based case for those. Since the DMV has given up actually inspecting vehicles per their own codes, headlights are all over the place. And there are too many people that think that driving around in the city with brights or the uber bright HIDs makes them cool. I like having a way to show them that driving around with bright lights is uncomfortable to others. A little of their own medicine, if you will.
I respectfully disagree. Driving up/down through the mountains at night on small two lane roads, it's nice to have a little extra visibility. But I only have two lights on the front of mine. The four shown may be a bit excessive.
In the city, light bars are ridiculous. Outside of it, not so much, assuming you have the common sense to turn off your driving lights when someone's coming the other way. Extra illumination is never a bad thing, if used properly.
Where I come from, it's fairly common to see people with a row of roll-bar mounted driving lights. The ones that make me giggle are the ones that are on trucks with sun roofs: a rather idiotic acquaintance of mine put a row behind the cab of his Hilux. This wouldn't have been a problem (apart from the terrible wiring job) if he hadn't had a cheap-arse aftermarket sunroof as well. He could never use them at night, because if he did, the reflection from inside the windshield would kill him.
Wings!
<img src="http://a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/145/e8714fbdbd774044ba630da23ec9e772/l.jpg"width=500>
Tramp stamp and a grab bar, hmm… I knew a guy that got a tongue piercing and tattoo on his lower back on night when he had too much to drink in Budapest, I feel just as bad for this poor truck.
<img src="http://images.gizmag.com/hero/3722_01.jpg">
Thank you. That's what came to my mid instantly, too. Talk about screwing up functionality in the name of style. You could most likely slide an Ikea box under that monstrosity, but what happens when you want to bring home something pre-assembled, like a new loveseat from Nebraska Furniture Mart?
I work two blocks away from NFM. You need a loveseat hauled?
I have an F-150 suited to actually hauling things.
I have never said to myself “Gee, those taillight covers look cool.”
<img src=http://www.truckaccessorizer.com/images/v_tech/flame_taillight_covers.jpg>
Image stolen from truckaccessorizer.com
Not to mention that they are technically illegal. Federal Motor Vehicle Safety Standard 108 dictates specific light output and illuminated area that these things totally screw up.
What, are you some kind of expert on vehicular lighting?
No, but I play one on TV.
<img src="http://oi40.tinypic.com/286slso.jpg">
Simulated bead lock FTF!
<img src="http://zoneoffroad.com/images_prod/productGallery/USW_blackdaytonalock.jpg">
The wheel is fine until they had to put the "street locks". It's basically a Cragar D Window knock off. Unless that is a Cragar, I can't tell.
The fake bead lock is bad, but otherwise that's a decent looking wheel. The Rockstars are on every single lifted bro truck that never sees dirt. They are ugly, cheap and generally lame.
Some guy on the GTO forum put them on his car and was nearly laughed off the forum.
Hush now, I was thinking they would look rad on just the rear wheels of the wagon!
You know the meme that says "The correct answer is always Miata"?
When it comes to custom wheels, the correct answer is always "Cragar SS."
<img src="http://static.summitracing.com/global/images/prod/large/crr-61015.jpg">
Like many things, I've put far too much thought into that.
American before 1981: Cragar SS
European after 1962: BBS LM
Japanese before 1993: RS Watanabe
trucks before 1997: Cragar nomad
<img src="http://www.123gt.ch/pics/amazon-01.jpg"> In all seriousness these are the wheels I would like the most. I always thought I would have trouble with Cragars because the Amazon is 5x114mm which is just a smidge under 4.5". These look to have oblong holes for the lug nuts, I never knew about that, maybe they make ones like that which are 4.25-4.5". The VTO ones that are easiest to get and like the ones on the GT to pretty expensive too. Thanks.
<img src="http://blog.adamewing.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/mud_truck.jpg" width=500>
It's not so much what is added on, it's what isn't added on.
<img src="http://www.hummerguy.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/firsthummerh3t.jpg">
<img src="http://oi41.tinypic.com/e0ogee.jpg" width="250">
Source: <a href="http://www.4wheeloffroad.com/features/drivelines/131_0511_november_2005_4x4_truck_auto_news/photo_04.html” target=”_blank”>http://www.4wheeloffroad.com/features/drivelines/131_0511_november_2005_4x4_truck_auto_news/photo_04.html
Thanks. I was actually looking for a picture like that but google kept bringing up images of lettering for race trucks.
Just about any offroad improvement on a truck that clearly never goes offroad. KC Daylighters- fine on an older jeep or pickup that has clearly seen a few trails, not so cool on your brand new Ridgeline that wouldn't know what to do with a trail were it ever to encounter one. Lift kits- a few inches of extra clearance is fine, and helps out off road. 12 inch spring lifts plus 4 inch body lifts are just stupid and pointless.
The only mods I've done to my Blazer have been under the hood (plus a few bumper stickers of ski resorts I've been to).
<img src="http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/Joanzin/confederate-flag.jpg" width="450/">
I just have never seen why it's necessary to show your pride in a racist, oppressive regime on your vehicle, or why it's still quasi-acceptable to do it.
Maybe it's my Northerner side, but when I see this flag I bristle at the racism that I see it as.
As a southerner I cannot agree less with your statement. The south is not about racism. The civil war was not about racism. The south is not about oppression. The south was not about oppression. And no, the south will not rise again.
Showing pride in being from the south. Showing pride in calling out the government when the government was in the wrong. That's what this flag is about. This flag is a 150 year old OWS. This flag is a 150 year old anti-SOPA/PIPA.
If I had a pickup truck of my own it would not be flying the stars and bars, but I will accept you and your beliefs if you choose to fly it proudly.
The civil war was about slavery. The states' rights angle is the horseshit, feel-good angle that the 'history' books write so they can sell to the Texas board of education. Anyone clinging to the south's relics from that time vicariously approve of the policies that were what set that war in motion.
Use it how you want, but the truth is its a symbol of an oppressive time and any excuse for the mentality of the government overstepping its boundaries is a worthless fight since they were the only ones able to step in and intervene when the corrupt civilization would not properly self-govern with all of its citizens' best interests in mind.
Ulysses Grant said that himself in his memoirs- even then (not even 20 years after the war) he said people were trying to hide what the war was about, making up a bunch of bull about states rights and whatever else, but in truth, it was about slavery, period.
I grew up in North Florida, and while that may not be quite up there with Alabama when it comes to being the "deep" south, I still consider myself a southerner, and we had our fair share of confederate flags. Most of the folks I knew that had them were not racist, they were just a little redneck and liked associating themselves with that group. Like Joe said, you can use it how you want, but know what it started as, and what it means to a lot of other people.
<img src="http://thecampofthesaints.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/philippa-middleton-misc-03.jpg?w=500" width="500"> What have you got against Kate's dirty sister? And how did the south know about her more than a century ago?! There be dragons here!
How is it that she gets cuter every time I see a picture of her?
Doesn't she look like she just had been naughty in the back of that cab? Rumpled dress, opened top, glassy look, rosey cheeks, goofy smile, messy hair… Go Pippa!
Not what I was going for but uhm….yeah. I'll be right back.
Glad I didn't mention the shoes then, yeah the sign on the glass isn't working.
tl;dr
Everybody take a good look, this is what happens to you when you have too many points.
tl;dr
Wait.
History and heritage, not hatred.
Horseshit and hot-air, not honesty.
What heritage is it that you're proud of from the time that that flag flew? The part where your heritage owned men as property because of the color of their skin? The part where they refused to see it as a problem that the Federal government would be allowed to intervene in? Or the part where you feel that the affiliation of the states is of lesser weight than the agendas of the individual states, even at risk of dissolving the union?
Which part is the pride based on?
To continue on the States' rights discussion, The Fugitive Slave Acti is an argument among itself to show the Southern governments had zero care for states rights, only when it was convenient for them was that a concern.
Could you have this discussion on a history web site please?
The part where the southern states wised up to the Federal Government screwing them over and did something about it.
The part where they realized that their livelihoods were in danger and did something about it.
The part where they were losing money out the front door and out the back door because of the federal government.
Those are the parts the pride is based on.
In fact, come down to the south. It's obvious you've never been here. You base everything you say on slavery and racism. This was a factor. But not the only one. The north had just as much racism and oppression as the south during the early days, just not slavery. In fact, in modern times you see little to no racism in the South. I see more prejudice from Northerners(such as you, prejudice against the entire south it seems) than I see racism here. The whole thing is about MONEY.
As I keep saying think about it like OWA. The North was like Big Business. It was slowly draining money from the south. The south, instead of "occupying", they south actually did something. It's the same as if during OWA the people had actually done what they were suggesting and stopped supporting the big businesses.
Hyatt Over and Out. I'm done with this.
I've been to the south. I have spent weeks on end in Mississippi, Texas, Florida and Alabama. I routinely visit Greensboro, NC. My brother lives in Memphis.
I know that the majority of the south is not racist. And I agree with you that the North is probably just as racist. When i lived in Boston, i heard a ton of racist comments and general bigotry, I would not say Boston is racist, just like I don't say the south is racist. But the members that cling to this false ideal of Dixie are bordering on racist ideals.
The 'Livelihoods were in danger' meant they would have to pay for labor and the poor whites would have to compete for jobs with the new free black citizen is entirely my point.
It's a weak position to defend as the portrait of history, true history, does not paint the same picture as the lies you are trying to defend.
And as long a statues are erected to men like Nathan Bedford Forrest in city parks and MLK Jr. day is not observed in the town he was assassinated, or License plates depict traitors as heroes, or the TEA continues to lean on publisher to rewrite history books, the truth suffers and delusional ideals of Dixie can persist in the minds of people unwilling, or unable to see the truth.
And truthfully, it was the livelihoods of the rich. The vast majority of southerners didn't own slaves- they couldn't afford it. And that system, in turn, served to help keep the rich rich and the poor poor, since the rich could produce so much more it would take generations for some of the poor to work their way into competition.
Buzzboy 7, SSurfer 321, with all due respect, the facts of the time don't support your assertion. At the link is the full text of Mississippi secession commissioner William Harris's address to Georgia's legislature regarding why they should secede and join the Confederacy. The reasons that Harris cites are typical of the thinking of the political and social thinking of Southern political leadership at the time.
http://kindredblood.wordpress.com/2008/06/21/the-…
If you interested in learning more, Charles Dew wrote an excellent book about the work of the secession commissioners called "Apostles of Disunion" that's worth seeking out.
While it's true that the South has changed, we'd be fools to forget what we once were.
Buzzboy 7 and SSurfer 321 should also read the declarations of secession of just about every state in the CSA. The vast majority (if not all of them) call out slavery explicitly as one of the main, if not the main, reason for secession. If that isn't direct evidence, there is no such thing as direct evidence.
(For the record, I'm a damnyankee, but I firmly believe this country is better for being in one piece. I like the South, and particularly Texas, and I would be pretty sad if my wife were from a foreign country.)
I'm going to have to vote confederate flag license plate. Or even the back window vinyls. Heck the confederate flag on any vehicle agravates me, particularly due to the ignorance of those who often have it on their vehicles.
The real kicker is I don't even live in the USA and I see that crap all the time.
I see now I was beaten to the punch.
Where outside of the states do you see it? That just amazes me… I mean, I know parts of American culture are pretty far reaching, but I wouldn't have expected a confederate flag to be one. Unless people are getting it from Dukes of Hazard?
I've seen it a couple times in Canada, mostly wannabe good ol' boys.
New Hampshire.
I mean, we're more like Canada than Dixie, ultimately, and yet I see the occasional beater Chevy (it's usually a Chevy) flying a tattered Confederate flag from the bed.
Nuts to "Hitch Hands"
<img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_dqiper7Fm7g/TJmnHC_eKUI/AAAAAAAAU_E/si7ppTXmwXk/s1600/hitch-hands-702655.jpg">
You could combine those with truck nuts and have your truck fondling itself. That's probably the worst one right there.
The worst pick-up add-on ever? From my experience, it's usually the driver.
Covering the entire body with Rhino Linings or Line-X coatings. Yes, I've seen a few like that.
I always thought that would be a good idea for an old CJ or Scout that you actually use on the trail. Don't have to worry about any scratches!
I think the trend started with off-roaders, I know I've considered it (my paint is in decent shape, though).
The other thing? Profanity-laced or NSFW die-cut stuff, like "Eatin' Fords and Shittin' Dodges" or "I'd rather be Cummin than Strokin'".
I expect a few -1's for this, but… DPF deletes on road-driven 2007- diesels. I'm tired of the folks who think their new pickup isn't right till it can put a 300-foot-long carcinogenic haze over the adjacent 4 freeway lanes. If its an off highway competition vehicle, fine… but then it shouldn't be on the highway.
Solid +1. Why take an advanced motor making 400hp while emitting as benign an exhaust as technically possible and ruin it?
Agreed. Leave the clouds of exhaust to those of us driving two-stroke engines that come by it honestly.
Surely that was a typo for 40hp, though, right? Or have I been missing something?
+1 million. I see examples of this at least once a week where I live. (Colorado Front Range) It's as irritating as Truck Nutz. Plus, I imagine that guys that do this on purpose probably set back any argument in favor of diesel engines in cars. It's hard to argue the benefits of diesel engines (namely, that they're better than gas engines and as clean as hybrid drivetrains) to a non-car person when they witness some redneck blowing smoke at a stoplight.
I would give you infinite +1's for this.
It irks the crap out of me to see this. Wasting fuel because douchenozzle.
Calvin pissing on things. <img src="http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4071/4420978527_f460892a4a.jpg">
Calvin praying to things.
<img src="http://acimg.auctivacommerce.com/imgdata/0/2/0/4/2/7/webimg/3688834.jpg" width=500>
Are you sure that's not Tebow?
Now THAT would be a sticker to sell!
I pretty much agree with all of the above. What I call the lifted, chromed, big wheel monstrosities that will never leave the pavement, is Burb Trucks. Nobody in the city wants anything like that, people in the sticks who actually use their trucks as designed don't add all that crap to them. These Burb trucks' natural environment is the suburb, where they stay nice and shiny and will never see dirt.
We've got a word for the Wrangler variant: Mall Crawler.
Oh, that's even worse.
I see this on all kinds of vehicles, not just trucks…but plenty on trucks.
The "In Memory Of" decals, usually with some kind of graphic tombstone/flowers/cross and the epitaph in script underneath.
Almost always on late model vehicles priced under $30k. I strongly suspect that most of these owners bought the vehicles with life insurance/death benefits of some kind.
It doesn't get much tackier.
I've always wondered what they do when they get rid of the car. Are they no longer going to remember the person? Do you put the decal on a new vehicle? And how much did you really love the person that you are memorializing them on a Kia?
+1. I hate that. When I'm dead, don't memorialize me on something you're going to get rid of in 5 years. It's just plain stupid. I really don't give a damn if you memorialize me at all, but I don't want to be that dead guy on the back of someone's truck.
I never made the life insurance connection before… interesting thought.
I see plenty on trucks, but I feel they are most common on a early/mid-90s Altima or the like, with script lettering, poorly tinted windows, no hubcaps, sagging suspension, and dents everywhere.
I feel these people are subtly disrespecting the dead with this publicity.
Any item you'd associate with a bro-truck.
Those are rather common here in D/FW.
Morons.
Hey, keep an eye out for Mrs. Feds. She's in D for work until Friday.
Camper shells. I get their functionality, but they are just so damn ugly. Especially ones that get taller near the rear.
<img src="http://image.trucktrend.com/f/9095588+w750+st0/163_0802_shells_12z+camper_shells+jason.jpg" width=300>
camper shells or ok, unless you put one on a step-side.
<img src="http://img4.claspics.com/328/812235/1312766951-545.jpg_m.jpg"width=500>
I can't begrudge the camp shell, because everyone I know who has one is either using their truck to carry crap for work, or is a retired farmer.
Around here, there's a strong correlation between topper ownership and enthusiasm for hunting. At certain times in the year you can pretty much assume that the driver of a topper-equipped pickup is wearing blaze orange.
The apparent high-beam-lock-button. It must be part of the contract when buying a truck; Do you promise to be an asshole to everyone you drive behind?
<img src="http://www.mrtaillight.com/images/9902HBKIT.jpg?osCsid=f04ffaa8e33787de434179249b4deaa3" width="400">
It's actually included on the title form in California if the head lamps are a certain height off the ground. I had to sign it even to get my truck used.
(Seriously, It does make flashing someone with your brights much more effective, and I have appreciated that fact on a few occasions.)
I wish I had been faster with my camera today. I saw a truck that had it all.
Late model Ford F?50. Jacked way up on big knobby tires. Truck nuts. Rebel Flag tailgate. Stacks through the bed. 7.3P 7.3P stickers so big on the back window that there wasn't any room left to see what's behind you. A sticker all way across the rear bumper in script style font that said "Let the coal roll!". And I'm pretty sure it had Mossy Oak camouflage vent visors too, but I was too distracted trying to get my phone out of my pocket and doubling over in laughter.
I could have won Redneck Douchebag Bingo with one picture.
<img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7166/6848924941_d3c65d7857_b.jpg" width="500">
Monkeys.
<img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9ZICyAFrFR0/TzRe7jWtrVI/AAAAAAAAA-k/Q34JuRPbcwo/s720/IMG_20120209_165847.jpg"width=500>
One of the only times when added lightness is a downside to me – the added weight of the 4×4 components would be far outweighed (heh) by the abilities gained.