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The Police Crookhook, Designed to Stop Hoons

Hooniverse January 26, 2012 Tech 43 Comments

Cue the stereotypical cheesy line from Wolrd’s Wildest Police Videos: “I’m Sherriff John Bunnell, when a police officer is in pursuit, the stakes are raised when a crook is on the loose. His driving behavior is not just sloppy and dangerous….but fishy…looks like we’re gonna have to hook him him up”…” lalalalalala.

Ladies and gentleman, hoons and hoonesses, cops and speeders, take a look at patent 5,839,759: the CrookHook.

We all know there’s the pit maneuver, fishtail maneuver, spike strips, and all sorts of hoonerific ways (James Bond smoke screen or oil slicks anyone?) to end a high speed pursuit. Now there’s a new and stealthy way to safely end pursuits before they even happen.

The hook looks just like a push bar on a standard police interceptor, you know, the ones you see being used to push those cars off the road when they run out of gas. Except this isn’t just any ordinary push bar…this one folds down like a pair of claws and can grab onto the back of your vehicle. I don’t know about you, but if I saw some cop car flying up towards my rear-view mirror with sirens blaring, blueberries spinning on top,  and two claws in the attack position ready to just own me, I’d be a bit scared.

Supposedly this new technology deploys quickly and grabs onto your car’s lower back frame. Worried about it puncturing the gas tank and causing a Ford Pinto like explosion? No worries, It approaches and grabs the car with just the right amount of pressure to not pierce through that metal tank of petrol. Rather the CrookHook just skims  it, and slides back to bite that rear frame. Using the police cruiser’s weight and braking power, the CrookHook should be able to slow the fleeing car to a stop. The only thing I’d be worried about, is some Officer Butter Hands, missing the exact grab hook point, and then hearing your rear bumper saying “sayonara buddy,” as it snaps off and flys down the highway at 70mph.

I think this is a fantastic idea created by someone passionate about police safety. Someday I hope to see this implemented onto more police squads. I could just imagine some training video for it, a hot red Dodge Viper pulls up to a light and starts revving up, a squad car pulls up next to it and lowers its CrookHook….the Viper turns right. Check it out! 


  • IronBallsMcG

    I'm sure this will work just fine. Nothing to worry about here.

  • tonyola

    I think a quick slam on the brakes on the part of the perp as he sees the police car approach would take care of the hooks and the cruiser really quickly.

  • fodder650

    Serious question. How well will this work with a front wheel drive unibody instead of the good ole rear wheel drive body on frame types?

    • OA5599

      FWD unibody cop car or perp?

      • fodder650

        Cop car. Wouldn't it be a lot of stress on a unibody?

    • That was my immediate thought.

      Get those Crown Vic assembly lines re-booted ASAP.

      • fodder650

        Well that or they have to move to body on frame SUVs. Although I have seen my local police using the new Explorer which is, naturally, not body on frame. Notice how the example above is the good ole Crown Vic

        • Government surplus auctions FTW!

          • fodder650

            I'm thinking more long term really. I think this is a good idea just curious how it work with modern vehicles. I assume that there are those here who would know the answer because I sure as heck dont

            • I can only hazard a guess, but I'd be suprised if there was anything substantial enough on a modern unibody to attach these to and allow them to remain functional. The entire front end on anything current is designed to concertina inwards, the opposite of what these things need to do.

              It's probably a sound concept, just about 25 years too late.

            • Paul Rain

              You'd think it'd be possible to build a special subframe that might let you get away with doing this ten or so times.

              That said, I think using a real car'd be a better idea. Chuck a couple of turbos on a new ZiL sedan and it'd be perfect for chasing down speeders, while having similar mass to a Tahoe- ideal for point in turns.

        • pj134

          I really think that police departments should move to F250 diesels or 2500 diesels. It can do EVERYTHING and it's fast! Plus, better fuel economy.

          • That's what the Border Patrol uses, with little jails in the bed to haul detainees.

            • Mike England

              Chuck Norris says "PLease lower the tailgate"

        • OA5599

          I see a lot of Tahoe police vehicles in a few of the municipalities around here, and Silverados in another one. For the most part, though, the RADAR guys with newer cars use Chargers or just jump into the street at school zones. I haven't seen any cop Explorers yet.

  • Scandinavian Flick

    New article coming soon from Hooniverse: Police Crookhook: First Drive, by Jeff Glucker

    <img src="http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/8093/01021338.jpg&quot; width="280"/>

    • Awesome!

    • hahahahahaha… seriously though, I need the front end parts from that car.

  • Van_Sarockin

    That's a typical, poorly conceived patent. What percentage of a cop's day is spent in pursuit? How much training and maintenance will this require? What is the opportunity for something to go wrong? Generally, police pursuit is a losing game. Setting up cordons and roadblocks and trailing at a reasonable distance is far safer. Too many joyriding kids get stuffed into trees from overly aggressive pursuits.

    "grabs onto your car’s lower back frame'? What is this, 1952? Most cars now hardly have the sheetmetal to bolt on the bumper.

  • MrHowser

    This is a giant banner saying "ATTENTION, CRIMS! BUY LIFTED TRUCKS!"

    • skitter

      Or, in a very limited sense, it might make huge, ground-scraping bodykits "functional".

  • oldcarjunkie

    Seems to me this would only work the if guy in front cooperates. In the chaotic chase all the guy trying to get away has to do is vary his speed or swerve side to side a bit and this would fail to hook him. A bit lame.

  • pj134

    To me, it encourages lead sleds the and the like. I like led sleds, therefore I like this.

    <img src="http://www.butcherkustoms.de/crunchmerc2.jpg&quot; width="500/">
    (I know, not really a lead sled.)

  • $kaycog

    I thought that after the hook engaged, it would flip up and the bad guy would go end over end.

    • Van_Sarockin

      That costs extra.

      • $kaycog

        I see……it's an option.

        • Alcology

          Inspector Gadget was ahead of his time in terms of options and only now are inventors realizing there was gold to mined in that there tv show.

  • sport_wagon

    "Okay guys, we need a video of this thing in action."

    "Sweet, my grandma has a VHS camcorder AND Palsy! Let's have her shoot it!"


  • facelvega
  • Works great if you're chasing another Crown Vic on a straight highway at 25 mph (and with a cooperative driver in the perp vehicle).

    • Alcology

      No kidding, odds are you will be encountering the perp-mobile at an angle at high speed and those hooks look like they are made for snagging another vehicle beyond the one you want. Where are the giant fast-hardening latex/rubber cannons? Why not have a cannon that shoots a giant inflatable pad underneath the perp car that goes under then inflates, slowing and or stopping the perp? Much safer than hooks. Someone get on that patent, I'm lazy and it's a freebie.

  • Number_Six

    The folks I've got stuffed into my trunk aren't going to like this one bit…

    • Alcology

      Aren't they dead anyway?

      • Number_Six

        Not yet. Why, am I doing it wrong?

  • ptschett



    Methinks the cop brandishing the hook toward the Viper driver would have to catch the Viper to actually use it.

  • Alan

    Needs to be a Harpoon! And able to get through the trunk/tailgate so it has enough meat to grab onto. explosive tips optional….

  • import auto werks

    you can see the plastic bumper flex in the video, lets say it does hook good and I am in a car or suv with a little power, as a crook I will floor the gas let him apply his brakes and when I see smoke coming from his front wheels I will slam on the brakes then speed away He will be left with no brakes due to fade and crash into the next thing coming his way

  • domino_vitali

    how exactly would that stop M3 kid? i mean, this isn't going to protect cops from 15 year old kids faking them out with a head and shoulder movement.

  • Nick B

    I'd be worried about this happening myself…

    <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Dt44YbFZrKQ&t=3m40s&quot; frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  • ruckus racing

    so what about the 16 year old with the bodykit that scrapes the ground or anyone who has installed underbody panels or a rear defuser for aerodynamics?