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Hooniverse Asks- What’s the Classiest Redneck Car?

Robert Emslie January 25, 2012 Hooniverse Asks 96 Comments

If you’ve seen the movie Winter’s Bone then you know that being a Redneck doesn’t necessarily mean one is lacking in funds, it’s really more a personal statement than an economic one. One of the main protagonists in that most excellent flick drove a (SPOILER ALERT) 1992 Cadillac Eldorado, resplendent with its faux convertible top.  That’s not your typical Redneck ride, the dentally impaired class usually preferring generously patina’d pickup trucks and bare feet.

But still, that Caddy got me to thinking, what if you were one of the Beverly Hillbillies, and had more money than sense, what kind of car would you want to stink the place up with its classiness?  Rednecks, as you surely know, are a cultural phenomenon not unique to the U.S., however the name generally is. Other forms of address may include Hayseed, Johnny Reb’, NASCAR Fan, or Congressman. It’s best just to refer to them as sir or ma’am as they do tend to fill the NRA member base.

But what about those redneck cars? If NASCAR is the the sport of choice for rural rustics then perhaps the old maxim of race on Sunday, sell on Monday holds sway and one of the models that turns left on the track also turns our country brother’s hearts a flutter? What do you think, what car is the epitome of redneck class?

Image: [junk daily]

  • I married into redneck but the usual lineup consists of a pickup and an SUV of some sort.

    If I had to venture a guess it would be this:

    <img src="http://images1.americanlisted.com/nlarge/2000_chevy_monte_carlo_ss_nascar_edition_3950_little_falls_8738900.jpg&quot; width="600">

    • I agree.

      I saw one of these with the vanity plate FRMLA 1. Oh dear.

      • Irishzombieman

        Perhaps he was FRoMLosAngeles?

        • hwyengr

          Or more likely, Louisiana.

          • actually in my part of the south (Florida), LA stands for Lower Alabama

    • danleym

      It has to be a Dale Earnhardt edition though…

    • thomasmac

      Dammit, I just helped my buddy buy one of these haha. I showed up in my Chevelle too! Classy stuff!

  • <img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldb9t28cVG1qdcd2wo1_500.jpg"&gt;

    Petty is one of the classiest guys in NASCAR.

    • OA5599

      It's a car fit for thea king.

    • Irishzombieman

      I've always loved this car, but if I'm really honest with myself, that giganto wing and monstrous fiberglass nose really look like they were designed and fabricated on a ditch bank.

      • Scandinavian Flick

        It's so weird that, for whatever reason, every bone in my body tells me I should hate a gigantic wing and weird looking fiberglass add-ons. But there is no way I can't love the hell out of it on that car. Everything about it. I can't even explain it.

        Just yesterday I was walking with a coworker at lunch when I saw that Carrera I posted in yesterday's Last Call. He asked me, why I could possibly like the way that thing looks, especially with that whale tail spoiler and goofy color scheme that is exactly what I hate on other cars. I couldn't really explain it. I wrote it off as saying it has classic lines and vintage sports car elegance. Also, the wing is actually functional on the Porsche, while other people just add it for appearance.

        Who can fault (or explain) the heart for what it wants?

        • Irishzombieman

          Yeah. I get it absolutely. And though I spend my working life putting strange concepts and procedures into meaningful language, I've never been able to adequately explain why audacity and flash usually come off as douche-y, and yet at other times, in different combinations, they not only work well, but exemplify AWESOMNESS in all-bold, all-capital letters.

          • Scandinavian Flick

            That's why I love this group of hoons. Even if we can't explain it, we still get it.

            • pj134

              It defines the word ineffable for me.

              • Scandinavian Flick

                Quite. +1 to that!

          • For many years it was thought the wing height on the Superbird was carefully calculated by Chrysler. The truth was it had to be tall enough for the trunk to clear. Sort of the same thing with the fender top vents. The must be to help the aerodynamics and get the air out from under the hood. Nope, they just need more room for tire clearance.

      • The nose is steel. Note the dent on the right side.

        • Irishzombieman

          Seriously? I don't know for sure is why I ask.

          I say fiberglass because I saw a wrecked one in a junkyard when I was maybe six years old. Dad was there to get some parts, and I think the yard's owner was stripping this wrecked Superbird. The car had rolled a time of two, and the wing was flattened and kinked, and the nose a spray of busted, thready looking stuff that hurt when I touched it.

          That nose was definitely fiberglass, and until now I'd assumed all of them were.

          • OA5599

            From the factory, the nosecones were made out of steel. Don't forget, though that these cars were not equipped with front bumpers, and the leading edge was well below the headlight level. It wasn't unheard of for one of these to be parked at the supermarket and accidently hit by a little old lady on the facing spot because she couldn't see over the steering wheel, let alone a nosecone a foot or so farther forward than the front bumper of a normal B-body. I'm not sure how many years it's been since you were 6, but assuming it was sometime before the early 80's, it probably wasn't a fiberglass replacement nose, but a fiberglass repair to a steel one.

            • Irishzombieman

              Three Mile Island is the first thing I ever remember seeing on the news when I was a kid. Weird moment in time. I remember seeing my mom watching TV with a terrified look on her face, remember my first glimpse, on the same tv, of power plant cooling towers and thinking how alien the things looked. March, 1979.

              Everything else I remember from around this time is categorized as being either Before or After the Three Mile Island incident, and seeing the smashed Superbird is definitely a Before memory. I'm trying to dig up the picture in my head of exactly what the nose looked like, but all I got is one of a little hand brushing something that looked like fur. Then blood.

              I can't see the rest of the nose, but I think you're probably right that it was a repair.

              • pj134

                … Fodder lives about 20 miles from Three Mile Island.

                You should have him take some pictures for you.

  • $kaycog

    It doesn't get any classier than this.

    <img src="http://www.air-sharp.com/costcogt40frame0001.JPG"width="500"/&gt;

    • fodder650

      I'm with $kay on this one. If it's not lifted it's not redneck

      <img src="http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTOG9UJze_LcGAY8D-4Jrm-im991bWxrD6_m4J0RKbRXiQk3CyT4ZylBxMmw&quot; />

    • Irishzombieman

      Just upchucked a bit.

      So. Very. Glad. That that's a toy car. Was it real, someone would need to be hurt.

      • Devin

        I wonder if it was the result of a misorder. They ran out of drivetrains for the RC GT, and bodies for the monster truck, and then inspiration hit.

        • Irishzombieman

          Or maybe truck body and car chassis got busted in separate incidents.

          The more I think about it as an RC car, the more I sorta like it.

          • $kaycog

            Me too. I'd love to have it.

          • Scandinavian Flick

            It kinda has the same ironic appeal as the Honda Odyssey body I have for my drift RC car…

  • tonyola

    How about the '58 Cadillac (pink according to the dialogue) that Paul Newman drove in Hud?
    <img src="http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/jalopnik/2009/08/Hud-58CadillacSeries62.jpg&quot; width=500>

    • If that's the case, I want to be a redneck.

  • <img src="http://www.goldeneagledecals.com/feathers.jpg"&gt;
    One of these, and a girlfriend in daisy dukes, and you're golden…No pun intended.

    • tonyola

      I'm not too sure about that – there's something about shiny, accessory-laden Jeeps that suggests South Beach, Key West, or San Francisco rather than yee-haw country.

      • True, but you're forgetting that any vehicle with huge, OE, hood-borne avifauna is an automatic redneck win.

      • Better?
        <img src="http://www.amx-perience.com/AMCgallery/data/513/l_d3718044fdec2983df66c82a7ea979ea.jpg&quot; width="'512'/">
        While the hood decal is technically insectoid, not avian, it does fit in the "flyin' 'round critter" category. I doubt that too many rednecks paid attention in Life Sciences class.

        …And it gets extra points for bein' on fyhr.

        • mr. mzs zsm msz esq

          Good point and I figured there must be some car with a Journey beetle thing airbrushed on the hood or side. But thanks to Dodge making a Journey, I was not getting anywhere. Google failed me, or did it?

          <img src="http://krisdedecker.typepad.com/.a/6a00e0099229e88833012876d4ad33970c-500wi&quot; width="500">

          Seriously click it, I had no idea which image to choose, there is a camino, amazon (2-door even), type I, wood custom car-thing, a caprice wagon, even what might be a podeba!

        • dukeisduke

          Yankee Rednecks, maybe. I see a New York plate on that AMX, and most of the AMC cars I see for sale are in NY, NJ, WI (natch!), OH, MI, etc.

      • Charles_Barrett

        "One of these, and a girlfriend tan, blond young surfer dude in daisy dukes, and you're golden…"
        There, I think I fixed it.

    • pj134

      One of these for good measure:
      <img src="http://www.seriouswheels.com/pics-1970-1979/1978-Ford-Mustang-King-Cobra.jpg&quot; width=500>

    • jeepjeff

      Man, now I'm thinking really hard about a black and white or black and yellow eagle for my hood. I really love that paint job.

      • FuzzyPlushroom

        I just bought a car that'll eventually need a new hood (once I decide I care about the large dent), and if I can't find one in the correct original hue, well…

  • TurboBrick

    Classiest redneck ride? Cabelas edition F150.

    • This is the real answer. You gotta have something to pull the bass boat.

      • TurboBrick

        Yes, and a good place for your gun rack.

  • This. It even comes in cousin magnet yellow.

    <img src="http://www.rapidcityjournal.com/app/blogs/sturgisstreetblog/wp-content/Truck.jpg"&gt;

    • FЯeeMan

      +1 for color description!

      • Irishzombieman


    • Maybe an affluent, elderly Canadian redneck. The RV parks here in Arizona are filling up this time of year with trucks like this pulling gargantuan fifth wheels.

      • Charles_Barrett

        I'm in agreement with my Tombstone bro. You should see some of the rigs attempting to negotiate the curves and low branches up here on Page Springs Road these days… You'd think they were delivering half a double-wide…!

  • For the redneck who's learned what the word "esoteric" means.
    <img src="http://www.tanshanomi.com/temp/1986_Pontiac_Grand_Prix_Aero_Coupe_15.jpg&quot; width="512">

  • pj134

    Were I redneck I would show my pride with an Oshkosh fleet. An LATV, an MATV, a Sandcat for speed and an HEMTT for when I need a tow truck.

  • Irishzombieman

    Classy is a truck with paint on it. And a bed liner.

    <img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qGh6rUBexUk/TG16c3U4LzI/AAAAAAAACeg/g-xJ-ZHHdAg/s1600/mullet1.jpg&quot; width=400>

  • thomasmac

    Any New Yorker
    <img src="http://imcdb.org/i272588.jpg"&gt;

    • Tom

      Trailer Park Boys!! Think Ricky, Think

  • buzzboy7

    Not sure how many of you live around rednecks…
    For the younger Redneck, classy means the biggest Whip you can get(tucked into the bed though) and a full camo vinyl rap.
    For the middle age Redneck, classy is your new Big3 pickup, with all the bells and whistles.
    For the retired Redneck, classy is not your new Big3 pickup, but the quality of the camper in the bed and the size of your rod holder.

  • OA5599
    • danleym

      I don't know, that says more Ken Block to me than redneck. Then again, I suppose some might debate the distinction.

  • OA5599
  • tiberiusẅisë

    Hmm. Classiest redneck car? On the surface, this is a contradiction in terms. Dig a little deeper and there is a real answer. Mr. Foxworthy defines redneck as a complete lack of sophistication. Therefore I have to start with a pickup. Classy to me means a certain modicum of respect. Rednecks sure do respect the past. And their kinfolk. I'm thinking the classiest thing a nouevau riche redneck could do would be to over-restore gran-pappys pickup.

    <img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/152/351290011_4fed926333.jpg&quot; width="500">

  • Devin

    Around here, rednecks drive two things: Lifted pickups and pony cars. So clearly the ultimate redneck car is like so:

    <img src="http://images.hemmings.com/wp-content/uploads//2009/07/lifted-general.jpg"&gt;

    But, it's not the classiest. Going by the classiest rednecks I know, they tend to go for one of these:

    <img src="http://www.cadillacforums.com/cadillac-models/07-cadillac-escalade-ext-si.jpg"&gt;

    With a pony car of some description sitting at home.

  • In Southern Arizona, there are plenty of people who raise livestock, and they favor a big dually diesel truck with four wheel drive, a huge brushbar, and a flatbed with a tool box and a fifth wheel, for pulling a stock trailer. Some of these rigs can be pretty elaborate, and way spendy. When they get replaced by a new one, the teenage son inherits the old one, and proceeds to beat the living hell out of it. So, you see these rigs in varying states of decay. Ranchers are rough on their trucks.

  • SSurfer321

    <img src="http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a317/ssurfer321/Picture004.jpg&quot;, width=500>

    I'm just trying to fit in down here in KY. I'm also prone to wear a flat-billed UK fitted hat.

  • topdeadcentre

    Nothing but nothing says you've arrived as a nouveau-riche redneck as a $64,000-plus pickup truck with all the trimmings. There is no known substitute for a King Ranch:
    <img src="http://mycarblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/116.jpg"&gt;

  • Irishzombieman

    Okay, now. Putting aside all the redneck stereotypes and tasteless jokes that flood my mind every time the subject comes up (which is often, as I am the son and nephew of hillbillies)–

    If I put myself in a true redneck frame of mind and picture myself taking my redneck wife out on a hot summer night to celebrate the weekly holiday of Friday, this is what I picture us driving.

    <img src="http://horsepowersports.com/images/redpeterbilt1.jpg&quot; width="400/">

    • OA5599

      "Son and nephew of hillbillies" because your parents were siblings?

      • Irishzombieman

        NOOO! Cousins!

  • Vavon

    How about this is the "classiest" redneck ride?
    <img src="http://s3.hubimg.com/u/741726_f520.jpg"&gt;

    • Irishzombieman

      Certain relatives of mine would think of this as more of a "summer house" or "huntin' lodge".

    • BlackIce_GTS

      Did anyone else think "hey, it's the Nuketown bus!"?

  • I can't seem to shake the Redneck off these <img src=http://www.ohtm.org/albums/album626/85_camaro_1.jpg> so I think this would be a pretty good ride for the southerner with taste.

  • <img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2740/4285428332_dbd02fe4e2.jpg&quot; width="500">

    Nothing says classy like leather chaps over leather pants over leather…seat covers.

  • rpdred6

    hands down, a 90s-early 2000s El Dorado

  • rpdred6

    or an early 90s Mercury Cougar Xr7

  • James
  • James

    and what I'd get if I was rich. I'm not even a redneck, just want one bad.

    <img src="http://vehixwp.s3.amazonaws.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012-Dodge-Challenger-SRT8-392-Rear-Burnout.jpg"&gt;

  • Van_Sarockin

    Can't do better than Hank Williams.

    <img src="http://legacy.decaturdaily.com/decaturdaily/livingtoday/061105/hank1A.jpg&quot; width="600">

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