Showdown: LeMons Oddballs Edition
It’s been so long since our last Showdown, but I finally finished installing my damn floor and I’ve got LeMons on the brain (it’s as painful as it sounds). While firmly convinced that the next LeMon I build will be a Pinto (or Mustang II), I’ve gotta pass along these gems to the Hooniscenti.
Oddly enough, one has twice the cylinders as the other, the other twice the gears and drive wheels. In one corner, we’ve got a rusty, long-parked ’66 Mercury Comet with a three speed stick and 289; the other, a Honda Wagovan, rocking four wheel drive and a “5+1″ transmission.
The ’66 Comet shares its chassis with the Fairlane, which in turn shares much with the contemporary Falcon and Mustang, meaning there’s no shortage of crafty cheats aftermarket support to bring that suspension and chassis close enough to the 21st century that the 289 can make up the rest. The rust? Bah! Pre-lightened, I say. The price is high, but the seller’s probably motivated to be rid of the thing and there’ve gotta be a few classic metal bits worth selling. The trickier part is a theme…Vomit Comet covered in fake barf? Team Hale Bop, with matching outfits and sneakers tucked away in your pit? Something involving winged sandals and insufficient clothing?
Right, so let’s pretend you want to run something actually interesting. The Comet’s bitchin’ and all, but it doesn’t quite have the same dork appeal (remember who the LeMons judges and participants mostly consist of) that a dorkified Honda does. Tall roof, awkward proportions, and a goofy 4wd drivetrain. It’s got a blown headgasket on its EW1 motor, but Hondas (Civics in particular) are basically Japanese Lego, meaning any number of Craigslist or junkyard sourced motors will just drop right in…right? Maybe just yank the 4WD stuff and sell it to make up a couple hundred bucks of over-budgetness.
What to do with a theme for this one? There’s the obvious Shuttle connection, or maybe a miniature VW van spoof (complete with micro-Westy pop top)?
What say you…American Iron(oxide), or a Soichiro’s forgotten child?
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I have one of those muscle car calendars that you can get from any shop for free. I like to cut out the more awesome cars once the year is done. Possibly my favorite is a 1966 Mercury Comet Cyclone GT, like this:
<img src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1350/5103534941_f7b7728d90.jpg" width=550>
For that reason alone, Comet.
4WD is like AWD, right? And AWD ought to make it handle better around the turns, right?
I think there can be only one winner, and the Honda has it. Plus, VTEC could help it into orbit.
Or possibly just launch a rod into orbit.
Yeah, just remember, hammer down through turns.
Well, with that car, probably hammer down through everything. Hammer down over speed bumps, hammer down through the drive thru, hammer down at a red light…
I'd definitely go for the Comet. With all that rust, it would be the Tetanus Special, fielded by team Iron Oxide. Plus, the 289 would sound great through glasspacks.
Provided there's enough car left to attach a cage to, I'd go with the Comet. Just like a real comet, get it moving and let momentum and gravity keep you going.
The Comet looks like it should be in the Hemmings Abandoned Autos calendar. Maybe June.
Vomit comet it is, complete with a NASA theme.
<img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3137/2844932847_34c0dbe25a_z.jpg?zz=1" width=500>
Man, EVERYBODY had a mini-bike in the 60s!
It was electric, and was the backup moon vehicle in case the Lunar Rover wasn't ready by launch time.
Moon-ie Bike!
Comet, American iron, all the way and FTW!
Comet for me as well. You gotta remember here the that the Comet has racing "pedigree".
The Wago-Van has a history with the 24-Hours-of-LeMons:
<img src="http://www.murileemartin.com/LNE10/LeMons_NE_10-0651.jpg" width=600, />
Normally I'd choose the Comet over the Honda. For anything.
Except LeMons. The 4wd, the fuel economy, and the existence of abundant Civic performance knowledge takes the day.
And it's so dorky on it's own I bet they'd let it in unthemed. But I would suggest a Soccer Mom motif, complete with faux screaming kids in the back.
See Above….
Eeeeeeexcellent!
How'd it do?
Somehow I see Wagovan families as being more into badminton or fencing.
More like clog dancing, or 'clogging', as they call it in the biz.
<img src="http://media.web.britannica.com/eb-media/28/107828-004-3108F0D3.jpg" width="500">
We (being Bernal Dads Racing, of the mutant Miata Molvo) camped near a team that was racing a Mustang II during the last LeMons event at Sears Point/Infineon. Don't think I have any photos of it, but it looked badass. Which is a rare thing to say about a Mustang II.
Anyhoo, Comet, definitely.
Put fallout shelter symbols on it, dress up like female French scientists, have two team members act disinterested, and that hunk of Detroit iron becomes M Curie's "Co-meh".
Bolt a table to the trunk, and list the elements on it. Remove it periodically.
I think the idea needs further refinement, but maybe there's something there.
<img src="http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/2668/halleyh.jpg" width=250>
Plus, lap time jokes would write themselves!
Re. The obvious Nasa Shuttle theme:-
You could hide an ultra cheaty B17A1 under there, ghetto rigged to connect up to the AWD system, al cheatissimo Boge shocks all round and sneaky big discs hidden behind stealth steels.
If the judges ever find out (they will, obv) they can call it the space shuttle Discovery.
However. I'd take the Comet. Theme:-
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5f/Dan-Air_Comet.jpg" width=450>
I'd choose the comet.
That 289 probably has some value, so you could ditch that and some of the glass too on the Bay of E.
Then find a Slant /6 to 'drop in', weld up the worst of the holes in the floor and you are in for zero BS laps……
The Honda just has too much cheatonium potential…….
The Honda is likely to suffer from an excess of reliability, and that's boring. And the Comet has the vintage edge. I'd be looking to work up a theme based on Comet Cleanser: BRG and shooting silver stars.
Reliability? It's already got a blown head gasket, the Achilles heel of Civics.
Which has to be fixed/replaced/improved. No scoring for cars that never complete a lap. Though perhaps a missed opportunity for a prize.
"Its got style on the outside and muscle on the inside!"
<img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7147/6694826955_b6e9a4e995.jpg" width="480">
Hey, I'm standing right here! My Dad drove a new Honda Wago-van and loved it. But then he also had a DS21 and 124 Spyder, among others so I'm just saying. And he was anything but a nerd. Wait. What?
<img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7175/6692374115_50f2f9c52e.jpg" width="500" height="366" alt="dad n 65">
Those are some sweet glasses.
When I was a kid, my dad taught us this song.
Comet, it makes your teeth turn green!
Comet, it tastes like gas-o-line!
Comet, will make you vomit!
So buy your Comet, and vomit, today!
Paint scheme is a Comet can, costumes are hazmat cleaning suits with shoulder length rubber gloves in garish colors, bribes are cans of Comet, and that little ditty will be blasting looped on a loudspeaker all around the track.
Bonus points for Comet dust cloud bombs for that quick get away.
<img src="http://www.lovemarks.com/media/image/comet_html.jpg" width="400">
I voted for the Comet.
Guaranteeed, they'd clean up.
Hell, I'd do "Bill Haley and the Comet" and the whole team can wear matching tuxedos.
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0e/BillHaley.JPG/640px-BillHaley.JPG" width="500">
While I'd chose the Honda wag, I'd also be quite tempted to save it for the winter beater when we get to move back to the CO front range.
I do my best living @ 9K feet of elevation, it turns out.