Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1985 Pontiac Fiero Edition
Another Monday, which means it’s time for another Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest. It is hard to believe that this is the eighth week for this very entertaining venue which features some classic automotive advertising and brochure images from around the web, to which you have to to provide some witty commentary to match the image. There are a fair number of you that have participated here, but there are still a few holdouts, so what are you waiting for?
Last week, the Classic Caption Posting showed a Lost Couple on a Mining Road, 
and there were some pretty risque remarks posted, with more than a few that were bordering on the NSFW label. However, it was once again Alff who provided one of the most AMC centric comments with this remark: “This was the roadtrip that led to Nash’s wife leaving him for a lumberjack named Kelvin. Nash tried to be adventurous, even going so far as to buy a car with a back seat that turned into a bed. He couldn’t compete, though, when Kelvinator.”
It’s now time to take a look at this weeks illustration. It is an advertisement image for the 1985 Pontiac Fiero, which was used as a tie in for this famous pop duo. Apparently Pontiac sponsored their tour in 1985, and in return they helped promote Pontiac in their advertising. What I would like to know is how you are going to tie it all together in one kick ass comment, and if you can even remember who these guys were. (You can click on the image to enlarge it)
You have the next five days to come up with a great caption of this image. The editors will then argue on the merits of each comment, and after listening to She’s Gone, Sara Smile, Rich Girl, Kiss on My List, Private Eyes, Maneater, and many many more, well just give up and award it to whoever comes up next. So now it’s time for you to get busy, or you will have to listen to Abandoned Luncheonette over and over and over again until your ears bleed.
Lead Image courtesy of Alden Jewell’s Flickr Photostream
Related posts:
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1975 Chevrolet Nova LN Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1959 Ford Thunderbird Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1968 Holden Monaro GTS Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1960 DeSoto Adventurer Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1969 AMC Rebel Wagon Edition
At last we've discovered the inspiration behind the hit song "I Can't Go For That".
Congratulations, Mr. Alff, on yet another win! I would like to gift you with something, but my congratulations will have to do. Good job, you clever man!
Thank you, my dear. If you're looking for a suitable gift, your kiss is on my list.
Watch out boy she’ll chew you up.
Why not! Life's too short.
The 1985 Fiero. Hall & Oates, and not much else…
"Christ, Daryl, I knew our album sales were slipping but is it so bad that you had to swap the Lamborghini for this? Oh well, let's pose anyway or we're not gonna get paid."
At first glance, you might not guess that Hall and Oates can rock as hard as a 1985 Pontiac Fiero.
Full Disclosure: Every word to Abandoned Luncheonette imprinted in my brain during childhood. On roadtrips, it's a go-to album for stay-awake sing-a-longs. Your mileage may vary.
Ok boys, this is the money shot! Try not to look so gay…
Tangent: An acquaintance of mine came out of the closet a few years ago. We were a bit surprised, but then a friend of mine said "We should have known, he drives a Fiero."
Jason "J.D." Dean: . . . a candy dish, Joan Crawford postcard, got, let's see, some mascara. Alright, now here's the one perfecto thing I picked up: a Fiero.
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, come on, a lot of people drive Fieros. It's come a long way.
Jason "J.D." Dean: Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a front engine in your car, you might as well be wearing a dress.
Please, Daryl, "Say It Isn't So" that we "Did It in a Minute", "One on One".
Blue-eyed soul meets Round-eye engineering. The 1985 Pontiac Fiero 2M4. Dance on your knees! (While checking for oil leaks.)
Aficionado's of all things in the rear, it was only natural that Hall & Oates were selected to represent Pontiac's new rear engine sports car.
The 1985 Pontiac Fiero: It's Flaming.
The Official Vehicle of Sowing Wild Oates.
Imagine this becoming as sexy as a Ferrari. Then imagine the Fiero that way. That's right, it will take body work to do it.
Pontiac couldn't get Steely Dan for the gig?
Curiously, sales of this particular Fiero body kit paled in comparison to the many Lamborghini and Ferrari ones, though the obligatory copyright-dodging name ("Auditorium & Graines") probably didn't help.
Pontiac: Out of Touch
The Limited Edition Hall & Oates Pontiac Fiero, featuring a derated Iron Duke, automatic transmission, and softened suspension.
Hall & Oates starred in the little known Dukes of Hazzard spinoff "The Princes of Philadelphia"
Sadly this show never made it past the pilot episode due to the fact Oates 'fro was severely damaged by the non-retractable antenna on the Fiero, while attempting a hood slide.
Damn, her old man's money didn't go nearly as far as we thought it would.
Didn't take much to cure her Possession Obsession.
Ad agency brainstorming session: "Okay, guys, we need a celebrity endorsement for the Fiero — who best conveys, 'passing acclaim, destined to by followed by a lasting legacy of mediocrity'?"
Fiero: less cash, more 'stashe!
Baby, there's nothing in that photo that's gonna come back.
No, you idiots, we said to create an ad with the Fiero haulin' ass!
Nice.
This was the idea behind my caption, but yours works MUCH better. Well played.
The 1985 Pontiac Fiero. Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid.
Anyone up for a little 2M4?
<img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4009/4340066150_f3e0e7158c.jpg" width="500"> It's you… What went wrong? It don't matter anyway. They all run together.
John Oates is the only guy we could find who fits on the hood of a Fiero.
"Sadly, due to a programming error at the server, visitors looking for Zoosk's M4M Forum were redirected to the 2M4 Forum…"
The Starsky & Hutch replacement never made it past the pilot. Seems there was little appetite for Leonard & Harvey and their misadventures fighting crime in San Francisco
The Eighties: When everything was hairier.
"Who do we have to blow to get out of this ad?"
This new Fiero is a Maneater. No, seriously, if you drive it, it'll eat what's left of your manhood, just like it did for these guys.
They're watching you. They see your every move.