Hooniverse Classic Captions – The 1969 AMC Rebel Wagon Edition
Oh look, its another Monday and that means it must be time for the Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest. This is the seventh week in which we have run this little feature and there is no stopping us now. 
To review, I have found some classic automotive advertising and brochure images from around the web, and your job is to provide some witty commentary to match the image provided. There are still a few holdouts among our fans, so its time to step up your game.
Last week, the Classic Caption Posting showed a Striped Canadian Winterland, and you guys provided some comments that were quite suggestive, but very funny nonetheless. The comment that took the prize this time was a photoshop from our very own Tanshanomi. You can click on the thumbnail to enlarge it.
Now let’s take a look at this weeks illustration. It is a brochure image from American Motors showing off their new for 1969 Rambler Rebel Wagon. It shows a lovely older couple who seem to be lost on what I can only assume is a muddy mining road, with a group of hardhats who are trying to help. How did the lovely couple get lost in the first place? Why is the wife smiling when her new shoes are sure to be ruined? Just why are the guys in the Hardhats so helpful, and are they expecting a little something in return? (You can click on the image to enlarge it)
Only you can answer these questions and more. You have the next five days to come up with a great caption of this image. The editors will then argue on the merits of each comment, and after heavy drinking the decision will be made on a dart board. So get busy, and comment on the predicament this lovely couple got themselves into, or you may be joining them shortly!
Related posts:
Wife: "Hahaha! He's always getting us lost."
Husband: "Honey, I told you that we should have gotten the GPS option in our Rambler."
Wife: "There's enough room for all of us in our new Rambler" Winks at camera.
Horace seemed nonplussed and none too happy about hearing the trade offered by the too-long-solitary crew – a night with his wife for directions out of the swamp. Blanche, on the other hand, seemed intrigued…
John loves making people wait to use the toilet.
"What kind of idiot would drive into the middle of a blasting site? Oh yeah, an AMC owner."
BTW, they don't look "older" to me. Late forty-ish, maybe. I mean, the guy has brown hair.
Not a caption but I'm intrigued by this image. What was the AMC ad department trying to communicate here … that the Rebel wagon is the vehicle of choice for clueless dipsh*ts and their wives with bad taste in headgear?
The verbiage that got cropped out of the picture above talks about the rattle-free unit construction.
Rebel without a clue.
It has a "standard rooftop travel rack", but I see only one crossbar. How freakin' useless is that?
Suitcases rest directly on the roof (note the slats) and get tied to the side rails. The crossbar is only there to prevent rearward movement.
Saul pretends to not support Ethyl and her 'Gang Bang Tuesdays', but who are we kidding. Every once in a while, what a guy really needs is three or four big strong hairy men 'in the back of his wagon'.
This was the roadtrip that led to Nash's wife leaving him for a lumberjack named Kelvin. Nash tried to be adventurous, even going so far as to buy a car with a back seat that turned into a bed. He couldn't compete, though, when Kelvinator.
You know what, that's an inside AMC joke if ever I saw one…
Oh for Jeeps Sake!!!
"First I lost my way, then I lost my Myrtle."
The husband reminds me of Rick Moranis.
I was thinking Dan Akroyd.
…as Fred Garvin:
<img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HZNp1fIgrLQ/Tho6Yj60qUI/AAAAAAAAAhw/433zplqdo1U/s1600/tumblr_lbyo0lxnfv1qa45zq.png" width=500>
Put yourself in Fred's hands. You deserve it.
My first thought as well.
And what is Rick Moranis doing with Queen Elizabeth?
I thought it was Edith Bunker.
The hat gives it away: It's Hyacinth Bucket ("boo-kay"), inviting the hardhat gentlemen to join her and Richard for one of Hyacinth's Intimate Candlelit Suppers.
Had to look it up. Well done.
I hope you've sent this year's check to PBS, so they can keep providing that quality programming.
Oh what have I done with this feature?
No kidding. Who could have foreseen the poor Rebel getting dragged through the mud like this?
Bittersweet Orange indeed.
The Rambler Rebel Wagon: ask a man who owns one, if you can get him to admit it.
"Hey, is there a town called Happiness smack dab in the middle of this map? I'm sure there is, look closer…"
This will go well.
Not an answer, just a comment: Man, if we have to start photoshopping for this contest… that will be no good for us without skills.
You could upload your caption to youtube as an interpretive dance.
Excellent idea. The uploading is where it will get me. And the interpretive. And possibly the dance. but aside from those few things, I will win this caption contest.
I call it, Rebel Yell….
Even if you don't have the PS skills to win the whole thing, you could always try for Hoonorable mention.
Oh good lord, why didn't I think of that?
"Oh, you boys are such cards! Larry, Larry! This young man was just telling me what they would like to roll you and the Rebel into the mine, seal it shut and take me! Isn't that just the funniest?!"
That was the point when Larry realized he had made a very wrong turn.
They both realized their fantasies in one day:
Bob wanted to explore the great outdoors
and Helen wanted to explore multiple partners
Be free …Be a REBEL
<img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6204/6047991035_de9c9fab67_z.jpg" width="600">
"You look a bit lost sir."
"And you look like you've placed a structural support on a part of the foundation that's not load bearing."
"Oh, boys will be boys! Honey, let's just drive out and leave these men to their jobs. ((We really should leave, I think they're going to R me in the A!))"
Incidentally, the rebel supposedly has one of the funniest car ads of all time.
[youtube JwRGIJeiGnA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwRGIJeiGnA youtube]
"Guys shhhh! I think I just heard banjos'
Mining equipment salesman Edwin Burbich hated it when his wife insisted on coming along on his road trips. For a number of reasons.
Mr. Shanomi, I think I need to speak with you in my office regarding your winning caption last week…
I asked "Why AMC," not "YMCA!" Besides, where are the Indian and policeman?
You don't need the second part, the punchline is killer on its own. You get my vote.
No, there was no need for me to get out but I wanted you to see this cute little outfit!
In an early draft, "Straw Dogs" was a comedy.
These 3 miners found out how to make a Rebel yell. Turns out, it is the springs in back from a large-scale orgy.
"Honey, these nice fellas need my help pulling a train or something. I told them the AMC didn't have the tow package, but they said it didn't matter…"
yes!
"Well, thank goodness we found you guys before you dug up that ancient burial ground. If it wasn't for our Rebel's compliant ride, and…. HEY, where'd that dog go?"
There's a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road, that's where I'll always be.
Every stop I make, I make a new friend,
Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again
Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.
Down this road that never seems to end,
Where new adventure lies just around the bend.
So if you want to drive me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style.
Maybe tomorrow I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.
So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style
Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.
There's a world that's waiting to unfold,
A brand new tale no-one has ever told.
We've journeyed far far and know it wont be long;
We're almost there, and we've paid our fare with our hobo song.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.
So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll find what I call home, Until tomorrow, you know I'm free
"Honey…ditch this four-eyed loser and lets play hide the salami!"
"Honey, I think these men are colour blind. They said if I ditched you, they'd show me their purple hard hats, but they're not purple at all!"
"He's shore got a pretty mouth."
"Can you squeal like a pig, boy?"
"Hur hur hur, I like girls.."
Yes, this was a very bad part of the mountains to get lost in, AMC Rebel or not.
[cue banjo music and fade]
At first, scientists were optimistic the unfrozen malaisians could adapt to modern society.
"No Ethyl, these guys can't make some new wood grain paneling for the wagon to replace the door you scratched while we wait."
"Dammit! Can't a guy use the bumper dumper in peace!"
Mr. Hudson: "Shucks honey, I know we've taken some wrong turns, but I don't see how letting the union guys have a piece will get us back on the road to Solvency!"
Ms. Nash: "Oh, hush. That's just what Monsieur Renault said you would say!"
(AMC/UAW profit sharing agreement, 1961. Too obscure for the room?)
Look fellas……We've signed a policeman, an Indian and a cowboy already. But we'll never make it to the top without some blue collar appear. Whaddya say?
<img src="http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/2923/headht.jpg" width="170"> Whaddya looking at buster!?
I dunno yet, you tell me.
Why I oughta!
Yi yi yi…
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/arcgB.jpg" alt="" title="Hosted by imgur.com" width="400">
Hey guys, look up there….that idiot is going to repel down that cliff tied to his Ford!
<img src="http://i.imgur.com/cvclU.jpg" alt="" title="Hosted by imgur.com" width="400">