Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1959 Ford Thunderbird Edition
Welcome to the Hooniverse Classic Captions Contest. This is the fourth week in which I have teased you with this feature, and it seems that many of you, our faithful Hooniverse fans are rather enjoying it. To review, I have found some classic automotive advertising and brochure images from around the web, and its your job to provide a witty, smart, or snarky comment matching the image provided. If you haven’t participated, then what the hell are you waiting for?
Last week, the Classic Caption Posting was quite literally a Turkey Shoot, and you guys provided some very funny, and at times a little off color comments, and we all enjoyed reading them. There were some great ones, and the following two came very very close: First, from our regular commenter OA5599 who left us with this remark:
All too quickly, Veronica came to the realization that four wheeling and Wild Turkey are fun independently, but bad in combination.
Sounds great for the next Drunkcast… Next it was our old friend Alff who brought forth this observation:
Samantha was terrified at the thought of going Commando through a bunch of turkeys. Her adventurous sister Serena, dreamily contemplating dark meat, couldn’t be bothered.
Very funny stuff. However, the comment that gets the prize (so to speak) was actually a set up. You see, I made the mistake of identifying the Jeepster as a 1966, and it was our expert commenter Tonyola that pointed out my error:
By the way, a correction – the Jeepster was introduced in early 1967. There was no ’66 model.
With that, commenter extraordinaire mdharrell shot back this witty repartee:
I’ll go ahead and picture the brunette saying that, since you didn’t specify. Seems to be more her style.
Now let’s take a look at this weeks image. It is a brochure image from the Ford Motor Company illustrating their 1959 Thunderbird Hardtop. It shows two very handsome young couples in the passenger compartment of the Thunderbird. The stately gentleman standing beside the car, dressed in his Shooting Jacket and holding his weapon of choice over his shoulder is smiling at the young couples intently. Are the couples double dating? Is the man with the rifle the Father of one of the young ladies? Is he there to protect their honor? Does he secretly want to be part of the dreamy date scene? Are the young couples going to a Sock Hop (the 50′s version of Clubbin’)? (You can click on the image to enlarge it)
Only you can answer these questions and more. You have the next five days to come up with a great caption of this image. We, the editors, will vote for our favorite and the winner will be notified in next weeks posting. Don’t get caught with your pants down, or you may be facing that weapon of choice!
Related posts:
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1964 Ford Country Squire Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1975 Chevrolet Nova LN Edition
- Hooniverse Classic Captions – 1967 Jeepster Edition
- Hooniverse Asks- Should Ford Give the Thunderbird Another Go?
- Hooniverse Malaise-O-Rama Weekend – A 1979 Ford Thunderbird Heritage
"Well, no, I don't want to make a scene in front of your friends, either. So why don't you just get out of the car and follow me into the woods where we can discuss this unfortunate 'restraining order' issue privately."
I was thinking of the estranged husband angle too.
"Oh, well, I guess we can squeeze in a 5th. Especially one with such a large, er, piece. Teehee."
I’ll go ahead and picture the brunette saying that, since you didn’t specify. Seems to be more her style.
OA5599 has found his NSX.
You're… welcome?
It was an extremely witty comment that inexplicably already won one photo caption contest, despite not being a caption for the contest photo. I figured perhaps lightning would strike twice.
You know, I was on the fence in choosing that comment. It got the largest "Thumbs Up" count, and the editors seems to like it, but as I was putting this together, I almost chose another comment. Remember, this feature is still in its early stages, and as the weeks roll by, there will be subtle changes. All I'm saying is this: Stay Tuned…
The one in the driver's seat, methinks.
"Well done, fellows. While my afternoon was unsuccessful, it appears you bagged a couple of birds."
In later years he'd become known as "Leatherface". But for the moment he was just another friendly hunter looking sassy in mock-Tyrolean.
Dick Cheney happens upon a car full of liberals in 1959. Needless to say, harvest was good that year.
"Pardon me, young folks, but have you seen my legs?"
Car jacking was much more genteel in Eisenhower's America.
"Why don't you get out of the car before I make the interior match the exterior?"
…so then I said it was just a hunting accident, and, can you believe it, the cop believed me! Say, are you sure you folks don't want to come over for some pie? I've got all kinds – cherry, apple, and…uh…pork
It'll be fun, fun, fun, 'till daddy takes the gun and shoots Dave.
I always pictured her driving a '57 T-bird in that song.
Since the song was released in 1964, I've always pictured her driving a 1962 or 1963 Sports Roadster.
<img src="http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l13/kammy23_2006/20080515_IMG_0617-1.jpg" width=500>
If it was her Daddy's car, it was most likely a new '64.
<img src="http://www.ericsmusclecars.com/images/T-BirdPictures008.jpg"width=500>
<img src="http://cinemafanatic.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/american_graffiti_suzanne_somers.jpg">
The original birds were still pretty special into the 60's. George Lucas seemed to think so, too.
My song imagery may have been influenced by an early bird I saw with the license plate FUN X3 though.
Moments before…
Man with gun, to his daughter in the car: "You knew all along that your dad was getting wise to you, now."
"Hi there – can you please take me to the Texas School Book Depository building?"
"Thanks for the ride offer, but I'd rather walk softly and carry this big gun."
"Now you kids have a fun and wholesome evening sitting on your respective corners of the car and I won't have to introduce you to my friend here, 'Mr. Shooty'."
"F*ck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Matilda?"
"A lot of folks never take the time to realize that blood stains hardly show up on maroon upholstery. Now, which of you wants to play Hooker In The Trunk first?"
"Welcome to Friendly Ford of Des Moines, folks! My name's Randall, and this here on my shoulder is our finance manager, Big Ed!"
"#2 shot seems about right for hunting birds, Thunderbirds that is. I'm looking forward to hunting Falcons next season."
Do you mind if I dance with your dates?
Who no! Not at all, go right ahead!
"Mighty glad to hear you folks were impressed with the test-drive. Say, how about upgrading to a set of Sun-Ray Full Wheel Covers with Applique? They're mighty sharp. Fine, fine. Sport Spare Wheel Carrier? Good, good. Visored Spotlight Mirrors, a set of Lifeguard Front Seat Belts, and Undercoating? We can make you a great deal. No pressure at all, though. It would just put my mind at ease knowing you folks were taken care of right. Hey, I'll tell you what, pull into one of the shop bays and the lads will fix everything up for you. Meanwhile we can step into the office and discuss financing."
Figure and script taken from Ford Technical Service Bulletin "Increasing Dealership Profitability Using a Set of Curtain Rods (B8E-1228-R) and a Gun Case (B9A-6262-C)" page 37.
Why yes sir, it is, in fact fucks that I have in my bag……would you care for some?I can't seem to give any at all
opening scene to a gritty crime show
next we see lots of blood, body parts, shell casings and the
CSI, NCIS, Bones, Criminal Minds, SpongeBob crack investigative team solving the crime. "spoiler alert" The killer was Babs the one in the green hat.
"Yessiree, folks…! We here at Bullseye Parking and Valet Contracting can guar-an-tee that NO ONE will burgle or vandalize your lovely automobile while it is under our care… Oh, and a gratuity for the attendant is strongly recommended. Enjoy your evening."
"let's see, that four burgers, four Cokes, and one rifle. That'll be $8.60, please"
Back in my day a side of beef cost you a nickel… and you'd walk both ways uphill in 5' of snow to get it… and you carried it on your shoulder! In the blazing snow sun!
And after the waitress struggles to attach they tray to your car, the whole damn thing would tip over! Good times.
I call shotgun!
"A Thunderbird, you say? Huh. Never shot one of them before. Turkeys, sure. Skeet, yeah. Humans, sure, but never a Thunderbird."
You wee little people aren't going anywhere 'til I get my pot of gold!
Driver: Aaaaaghhhh… just what are you supposed to do when a stranger with a big gun fondles your car? That's the last time I go for a"Lipstick Red" finish… damned auto-erotic freaks, anyway.
Works for this photo, too!
<img src="http://hooniverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Wert-Phallic-Camaro-320×240.jpg">
*For the gun, I'll give Ray the benefit of the doubt
>pah!<
“Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.”
The people I work with already think I'm completely insane….. Wait 'til I bust that one out on 'em!
That's alright, the first dozen are always the hardest.
Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
Shit, it's a four seater.
Sadly, the new, larger Thunderbird was too far into development before Ford realized that the focus group members were just nodding in agreement with whatever the gun-toting marketer said.
"Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?"
You kids be careful in these mountains now. There is an escaped convict on the loose from Sing-Sing and he is a known murderer.
Pardon me good sir but I called shotgun.
"You folks know there's a hook hanging from your door handle?"
"Yes, that's another gun in my pocket."
" No that is not a pistol in my pocket "
"Four barrel? Me too!"
That, kind sir, is hilarious.
Two barrel, double barrel, are you tryin' to start an argument with me?
So, you guys care to shoot the shit?
"Safety glass, tinted glass, shatter-proof glass… Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the world debut and first public demonstration of the Ford Motor Company's unparalleled devotion to occupant safety: I give you — FACTORY INSTALLED BULLETPROOF GLASS…!
Our next demonstration begins in five minutes…"
"John and Bob, just remember, if you try to lay a hand on my daughters up at Make Out Point….I'll be watching you… through the cross hairs."
From the lady in front passenger seat: "Is that a shotgun, or are you just REALLY happy to see me?"
All but poor, confused Jeremy looked entranced by the confident, lean stranger's great piece.
"Why yes, sir, that's most certainly tough enough. I apologize for the misunderstanding. Really, is there anything I can do? I'm sorry."
(Seems to be more the driver's style.)
Fabulous!
A. "Ok, which one of you yelled 'NICE HAT'?"
B. I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a M82A1 , the most powerful rifle in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punks?
C. Later the neighbors all commented "Ward seemed like such a nice person, always polite to everyone, of course, having to deal with that kid of his… what was his name? oh yeah, they called him 'The Beaver', I suppose it was only a matter of time until he snapped"
D. "I'm just saying, if I EVER find you parked in my spot again, it's going to get ugly… oh this? It's just something I carry with me to keep the neighborhood safe, ya'll have a really nice night now"
" Henry , Ken's father looks really mad , this isnt how I imagined Fun fun fun till daddy takes the T-Bird away happend "
Man with gun : " This sure is a fine automobile "
Snoby rich people : " Oh you could never afford the payments on a car like this let alone the insurance"
Man with gun : Click Click " The funny thing is I don't have to , I just take them from people like you"
"Thank you kindly for stopping, folks. People don't seem to have sympathy for hitchhikers like they used to. Anyway, could you please take me to visit my ex-wife? And my former best friend, too, though he might be at her apartment; he sure spent a lot of time with her at our house! (*chuckles with abnormal enthusiasm*) Oh, and if it's not too much to ask, could we swing by the courthouse? I wanted to ask the judge who granted her the restraining order and awarded her half our assets a question…"
You wholesome kids are going to have a barrel of fun living in my basement-dungeon for the next few years!
And from Jimmy in the back seat: "errrrmmmm if I don't make eye contact I'll live?"
The times and machines may change, but toll collectors always get their fee.
"No, miss, I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for money, I can tell you I don't have any. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills that I have acquired over a very long career; skills that make me a nightmare for people like you."
<img src="http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2011/8/6/3026d6c3-f813-4f71-8475-1fc9c0c82be9.jpg" width="500">