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Hoonicast #8: the Fugly Lazarus Edition

Alex Kierstein April 11, 2011 In General 17 Comments

Jim is going to track me down and use a flintlock to blow my brains out when he finds out about this … but the objective truth known to all human beings, as certainly as the sky is up or Lucas electronics will let you down, is that the Isuzu Axiom was ugly as sin. The ugly stick, in fact, quit in protest (feeling redundant after catching sight of the Axiom off in the distance), and they had to bring in the ugly cudgel as a scab. Soon after, the cudgel broke, and now if you need to beat someone with the ugly something, you actually have to use an Axiom. (As my [actual] brother would say, “cool story, bro.”)

In other words, this week’s podcast is going to be an effing riot, as we discuss what car no longer produced is most worthy of resurrection. Shockingly, no one waxed poetic about the Morris Marina, a clear frontrunner, but it should be clear that at one point the Axiom was mentioned. Whether the suggestion was about resurrecting the vehicle or suggesting a new design language for Norelco’s wet-dry electric razor line is still an open question. Click through to listen!

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In case you’d like more foreshadowing of what we semi-coherently yelled between filthy shotglasses full of mezcal, here are a sampling of the hare-brained ideas we developed. Let me use this opportunity to say that we are available for consulting duties for any manufacturer seeking to do some advanced synergistic product planning with extra synergy!!!

1. Wouldn’t it be a great idea to bring back the storied GM B-body wagons on top of Chevy Express van chassis? (Don’t answer that.)
2. THE FERD F-TEENTHOUSAND WILL SERVE YOUR ISUZU AXIOM TO ITS BED-WHALE ON A PLATTER OF HORSE-BALES!
3. Jim did have a certifiably wonderful idea: revive the Isuzu Impulse! I forgive him for the Axiom heresy.
4. The Suzuki X-90 … heh heh heh.
5. Jim and Paul and somebody else talk about how amazing minivans are for about 47 minutes. You can skip this part of the podcast.
6. Jake posits that the Ecoboost motors would make perfect neo-SVOs. He is entirely right.
7. Surrealism in the driver’s seat: “the door is a jar.”

We’re going to dumpster dive through the dankest recesses of our half-rotted minds to bring you an even better show the week after next, so stay tuned for more!

  • RichardKopf

    I rather liked the Axiom; and that my friends, is cogent.

  • Alff
  • Syrax

    I hope you're not talking about this one cause, even if they're crappy, they look awesome.
    <img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3a/CARINA2000GT%28RA45%29.jpg"/&gt;

  • PowerTryp

    Guys, that Axiom looks pretty good to me, especially when held up against the Vehicross.

    <img src="http://www.isuzu-vehicross.info/gallery/photos/2000/isuzu-vehicross-photo.jpg"&gt;

    • IronBallsMcG

      Saw one on I44 in St. Louis last week. Call me sick, but I kind of like them.

    • BlackIce_GTS

      Aside from the headlights and grill, I really like the VehiCROSS*.
      I think the Axiom is more amateurishly styled then ugly. If it was one bumper iteration shorter it'd be just fine. (also, that would make it a wagon). If 6th graders bought cars it would have been a great success.

      *This sentence approved by Isuzu's Advanced Capitalization Research Division (A.Ca.R.D.).

    • smokyburnout

      Agreed. The Vehicross is ugly, the Axiom is just kinda dull. I think Alex put more effort into that paragraph on how ugly he thinks the Axiom is than the Isuzu designers put into designing the Axiom.

  • sketchler

    When I was a kid, I really wanted to get an Axiom in silver and dress it up like a Star Trek shuttlecraft. It about looks the part, you think?

  • Tony240Z

    BRING BACK THE DATSUN 510! I don't think Nissan will sell anything like the old Dime during the next decade, but still, I hope that Toyota's recent FT-86 prototype will live up to its hype. There can never be too many small, fun, real wheel drive cars out on the market.

    BTW, the comment about Opel not sharing their technology with the rest of GM was actually incorrect. They gave their designs to Holden (who manufactured the Commodore in Australia), Isuzu, Buick (both companies sold rebadged 1st generation Kadetts) and even Cadillac (the God-awful Catera, known in Europe as the Omega). Interestingly though, Opel exported more technology than they ever recieved. As far as I remember, they only thing ever got one Chevy V8 straight from GM USA for one of their top models.

  • Tony240Z

    Well, as I said in my previous post, Cadillac sold the Catera (rebadged Omega), and then Saturn had the Sky (rebadged GT) and the Astra, Pontiac borrowed the GT's platform to create the Solstice, Buick rebadged the first generation Kadett and sold it as the Buick Opel, and the much missed final model of the Pontiac GTO used a Holden platform, which in turn was a modified Opel chassis. There could be a couple more, but I can't remember them now.

  • Tony240Z

    Oh sorry, I forgot the Catera was made in Germany and the GTO was shipped from Australia. I *think* the rest of them were made in the US, forgive me if I'm wrong.

  • I liked the Axiom quite a bit actually. And oddly enough, today at work my co-worker sold an A/C compressor for both an Axiom and VehiCROSS.

  • Jo_Schmo

    magnifepicent!

  • I think you missed one important point about what makes the 510 so cool. Yes, there are F/R cars like the Genesis coupe out there now, but none of them look like a upright 3-box grocery getter.

    And to weigh in on the Axiom debate, I do think the Axiom had a fugly grille, but I very much like it's shape from the A-pillars back. …How's that for straddling the fence?

    • FuzzyPlushroom

      I even like its grille. If every Crosstour and ZDX on the road looked like a slightly-lower Axiom, the world would be better off.