Hooniverse Asks-What Do You Want For Your Hearse (Eventually)?
Harold had an E-Type, Polish President Lech Kaczynski rocked a custom Maserati, while Michael Jackson strangely enough had but a somber Cadillac. We’re talking about hearses of course, and as that’s the last car you’d be riding in, we want to know how you’d like to go.
People listen to dead guys, and pretty much do what they say. Legally, if your write it down in your last will and testament, they pretty much have to, so why not specify what kind of car you want for your big send off?
They come in pretty much only one size – casket – but that doesn’t mean that there hasn’t been a lot of variety over the years in hearse aesthetics. While none are purposely designed for either comfort or speed, there is variability in whether their primary function is transportation or viewing- looking in rather than out, of course.
The one constant of these dearly departed deliveries is their commodious casket carrying capacity. Whether Karen Carpenter light to Biggie Smalls extra large, there’s a hearse to fit the bill. And for those of us wishing to go out in a blaze of glory rather than the more time intensive worm farm, the portability of urn full of ashes opens the door to such vehicles as the Lotus 23 and motorcycles, as long as there’s a side bag or something.
So what do you want to be your ride on the last ride you take? Do you want something big and imposing, because size matters, or do you want something sporty, leaving the rest of the funeral party in the dust? Maybe, instead of the traditional closed hemorrhoidal wagon, you’d like something open-topped – you know, so you could catch some last rays so you don’t spend eternity with corpse tan? What do you want your hearse to be?
Images sources: [picasaweb, volksrods.com]
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My hearse will be a rocket shot directly to the sun.
That way I can be reborn as a super-human nuclear man!
If I did have to choose a vehicle, it would be the Panther Ferrari 365 GTB/4 Shooting Brake
Just fold me up and stick me in a half-coffin.
<img src="http://www.coachbuild.com/gallery/d/11613-2/Panther_Ferrari_365_GTB_Shooting_Brake_1974_02.jpg?g2_GALLERYSID=dafb6093fb7968117c00cfd379cab04c"width=400>
Something tells me I won't much care.
A 1959 Miller-Meteor Cadillac. A '59 Superior would be fine, too.
Too bad the Carthedral isn't running anymore:
http://www.carthedral.com/carthedral/index.htm
Otherwise, I'm fine with just being rototilled into my garden.
Man, you probably have a good idea how much I'd love to drive that, or be carried in it… either or.
Amphicar
Viking funeral style.
I intend to be cremated, so no hearse is necessary. However, I wouldn't mind terribly being carted in this.
http://assets.speedtv.com/images/easy_gallery/101…
I think it'd be pretty cool to take the last ride in the ECTO-1, sirens blaring the whole way.
As I intend on having my remains cremated, perhaps a Ford Pinto would do. If there are any left by the time I go.
That would save time.
V8 Volvo Wagon.
<img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_leoGYAeiH44/Sjcmms1CD-I/AAAAAAAAGfs/0oBTJz94bpA/s1600/merc%2B600%2Bhearse.jpg" width="800" height="600" />
Of course, if they used the horn I might wake up.
<img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_leoGYAeiH44/Sjcmms1CD-I/AAAAAAAAGfs/0oBTJz94bpA/s1600/merc%2B600%2Bhearse.jpg" width="800" height="600" />
Of course, if they blew the horn I might wake up…
Even though I am a motorcycle guy…NOT THIS!
I'm sure some of the patch-wearing gangs just love it, though.
<IMG SRC="http://www.clearcreekcoach.com/IMG_0132_copy.jpg" width="480"
Along those lines, I want to be shot out of the Enterprise in a big sunglasses case. Like Spock!
I’d tell everyone to save money on the hearse rental and just throw the casket in the back of my old, beat up Nissan Frontier pickup truck. It’s not like I will really care what is going on anyways, and I’d rather they save the money and spend it on something more useful to them.
Seeing as I want to be cremated and poured into the sea, this will do nicely
<img src="http://www.gadgetvenue.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/amphibious-lamborghini-mod.jpg">
A flatbed truck – I'd like my casket to be whatever project car drove me to my ranty yelling heart attack death.
Adversely, cremate me and take the ashes for a ride around the Nurburgring in something cool – I figure I've got 50 years to pick something out, so we'll see what comes around.
That would be one of the few times I might prefer a couple of actual horses instead of massive amounts of horsepower.
I'll be dead, so I really won't care. I have the idea that caskets should be reusable. Put in a cardboard or some such liner, have the nice fancy casket for the funeral home and viewing, but have a trap door in the bottom. At graveside, just drop the body and cardboard box out the bottom of the fancy casket into the hole. Save the $5000 casket for the next stiff, rinse and repeat.
<img src="http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/9449/ralphscoffee.jpg">
.
This. And none of this "slow dignified cruise to the cometary" BS, either. Everyone in the procession should be struggling to keep up while straining to see through the clouds of tire smoke.
<img src="http://trendsupdates.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/210.jpg">
I had a dream last night that involved a fist-full of spoons, mini-putt on a recently constructed logging road, and me triggering a land slide with my foot that trashed the front glass of a Lamborghini Countache. Your photo made me remember at least part of it. I can't explain the spoons though.
It's too obvious if I say a Seven (and I certainly don't want to meet my end in one)…so how about a 5 series wagon or GT?
random….
http://93.189.157.74/Autos/Citroen%20CX/images/DSJubile2005/021%20DS%20Jubile%202005%20-%20PLR%20Michelin%202005-10-07%2012-52-32.JPG
My internetz skillz are not honed enough to imbed an image. The above is the Michelin Tire Test Vehicle; aka a Citroen DS turned to 111,111! Check it out. If 2 axles are good 5 must be better.
Continue hooning, and eventually your intertubes skillz will be hooned enough to embed!
A 1959 Buick Flxible:
<img src ="http://www.northlandpcs.com/images/Events/1989firstmeet/northland3.jpg" /img>
image used without permission from the Northland Professional Car Society.
I got your back.
<img src="http://93.189.157.74/Autos/Citroen%20CX/images/DSJubile2005/021%20DS%20Jubile%202005%20-%20PLR%20Michelin%202005-10-07%2012-52-32.JPG ">
Willie the Wimp and his Cadillac coffin. Cool song, true story. Joe Strummer did it well, but I'm not British or as cool so maybe not. How about Hunter Thompson style? Ka-Blam-O ! A parade float. From last years Roses Parade all rotting and stink.
Last years parade float from the Rose parade, all rotting and stink.
<img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_leoGYAeiH44/Sjcmms1CD-I/AAAAAAAAGfs/0oBTJz94bpA/s1600/merc%2B600%2Bhearse.jpg" width="640" height="480" />
Of course, if they blew the horn I might wake up…
Can I shoot the flaming arrows? Please!?
<img src="http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/5269/whalepussycoffee.jpg">
Clearly, the Ferrari/2cv fourgonnette/bread-van Frankenstein.
As my quote states: "Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion than to fade and wither dismally with age." Thank you, Mr. Joyce.
That said – I'll take this:
<img src="http://classicmotorsports.net/media/img/readerrides/zipperian1__t352.jpg">
I don't care if you have to smuggle one into the country piece by piece, make it so!
<img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4055/4313026757_55cf64394f.jpg" width="500" height="375" />
That MB w114 hearse may just be the winner. That, or the ubiquitous E-Type.
how the hell did i miss a post about hearses?!?!? i already have mine. she's my daily hehe
how the hell did i miss a post about hearses?!?!? i already have mine. she's my daily hehe