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Hooniverse Asks- What Do Other Drivers Do That Pisses You Off the Most?

Robert Emslie April 28, 2010 Hooniverse Asks 52 Comments

Yesterday afternoon, while out running around, some ass-hat pulled into my lane, while I WAS STILL OCCUPYING IT. I laid on the horn to alert them to their ass-hattery, but that only served to make them apply their horn and come to a complete stop in front of me. Later that night I was driving down a well-lit residential street and a car coming the other way had his brights on. I flashed my lights at him, the car behind me did the same, as did the car following him. Nothing. Like I said, ass-hats.

These kind of actions really chap my ass. I mean, how hard is it not to try and change lanes until the lane you want to occupy is clear? And not running your brights at on-coming traffic? That takes like moving your pinky finger to fix.

So, those are a couple of the activities that my fellow motorists practice which really get my blood boiling. I’m also not a fan of the gutter snipers, but that didn’t happen to me today, so we’ll just leave it at that.

But what about you? What driver-dumbshittery takes the cake for you? Are you particularly un-fond of the tailgaters who must think they’re Navy pilots needing to land on the USS Your Trunk Lid? Maybe it’s the I don’t turn on my signal until I’ve been sitting in the intersection and you can’t get around me people?

Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s happened to you enough times that you’ve secretly formulated a revenge plan for the perpetrators and are just looking for a legal loophole so you can extract justice. Wouldn’t that be great, to be able to actually do what you’re thinking? Like affixing a snow plow blade to the front of your car and knocking all the cars in the no-parking express lane onto the curb, hopefully crushing their owners in the process?

Ah, we can all dream, can’t we? But before then, we gotta’ know what boils your oysters, what road ridiculousness gets your rage a raging. What do the bone-heads out there do that pisses you off the most?

Image sources: [ Amazon.com, Danesh.wordpress.com]

  • "Let he without sin shoot out the first tire…"

    In fairness, I know I've been the guy getting yelled at on occasion. Sometimes it was just the law of averages making me bound for a stupid innocent mistake after x miles in an unfamiliar place. Other times, I shamefully admit I was being the asshat – not on a personal level but just out of selfishness. You know what? Insurance companies are right: you generally take fewer risks as you grow older and see the error of your ways, and there are a couple moves I've done that I would kick my own ass if I could. That said, I am fortunate nothing bad ever happened. Probably because I got mad skillz yo a little grace and luck was at play…

    So, having confessed my sins, I will say the Number One thing that pisses me off is people driving slow in the left-most lane. It's not like it should hard to realize when the 4th or 5th car has flown by on the right, that you're not where you should be! I really do feel that if slowpokes would simply move over, most of the congestion and ensuing asshattery (letting off steam after boiling on a rear bumper for 10 minutes) would be nonexistent.

    One rule I have in play: NEVER pull behind a handicapped placard or an old guy wearing a hat. Mobile Molasses, they be.

  • Ask me about the asshat motorcycle rider Monday who zoomed past and parked in front of me in the carpool lane at 10mph below the posted speed limit, and when attempted to pass on the right, kicked it down a gear and took off like a banshee. It was very bizarre. And no, he wasn't following me for any length of time. Maybe it was retribution for some percieved slight, but I'll be darned if I know what it was. Or maybe, just maybe, the rider is a jerk.

  • Bo Darville

    I especially hate those who tailgate when there are 50 cars in front of me all going the same speed. Yes, I would like to be going faster too d-bag, but riding my butt isn't going to make it so. And I'm willing to bet I have better brakes than you do. Also, I hate intersection blockers. Don't pull in unless you're sure you can make it through.

  • Oh road rage, where is thy sting? I've given up on other drivers getting me riled up. Zen. Unless they wreck my car. Then I may have to wreck their face. UnZen.

  • Everything.

  • About a month ago, on my way to work, stopped at a light at a 4-way intersection. I had a red light, the cars coming towards me had a green light and a left hand turn green light. There is a car stopped to my right, perpendicular to my direction of travel. When my light turns green the idiot to my right proceeds to make a left hand turn on a red light directly in front of me! I honk my horn at him and he flips me off!

    I really wished I wasn't in my Z3 at the time, but in the old faded, dented, and rusty F-150 (long bed, extended cab). I think I would have just proceeded forward on my green light. I don't think I would have notice an extra dent from a Toyota Matrix. Small cars are great fun to drive, but sometimes in traffic it is nice to have a big old truck that just looks like you don't care. "Hit me I need the insurance money"

  • sparky

    My Current Pet Peeve: On a 3 or 4 lane highway, the far right lane ends, traffic is supposed to merge to the left. Most drivers move to the left and queue up with everyone else. But there's always one tool who thinks he's the smartest guy on the road: he shoots over to the right at the last minute and passes everyone until the lane disappears, and then buffaloes his way back over to the left lane. Makes me want to wander over to the right and block them every time I see it happening, and it happens pretty much every day.

    Runner Up: People who have to, have to, HAVE TO be in front of you at all costs. Speed, conditions, traffic density, all irrelevant, they just gotta be in front. Icing on the cake: after all kinds of irritating, gas-wasting, ass%$@ aggressive maneuvers on their part, they finally get in front of you… then you pull up behind or them next to them at the next stoplight. What the hell was that all about? Ego, boorishness and being a jerk, that's what.

  • That Prius (I'm stereotyping here, it could easily be a Honda hybrid) that gets on I-90 and immediately jumps across all lanes of traffic to camp in the left lane at exactly 59 MPH and forces me to touch the brakes to avoid rear-ending them needs to be demolished. Every single one of them needs a Molotov cocktail right through the window. Keep right unless you are passing.

  • My camping truck is an '87 Chevy Custom Deluxe with a lift and 33" off road tires. Its bumper is right at head-level for most people in a car. People still pull out in front of me like they're getting paid to do it. Do they think I can stop quickly? I don't see the logic in that… so are they just suicidal? I'm not sure about that. The first week I had it out driving it around, I had a guy turn left into me in a Grand Am. He hit my front tire and sliced the sidewall. His Grand Am lost the entire front end and had to be hauled off on a flatbed. Lately I've been hitting the brakes later and with less gusto, so I guess it's just a matter of time…

  • BPR

    It's not the first transgression that gets you, it's the second. Or third, or 4th.

    I'm with a lot of others in that my personal least favorite is that guy going slow in the left lane. OK, so you're zoned out, and don't realize that someone is coming up behind you. Then you don't realize that you are holding up traffic. Then when cars start passing you on the right, you look at them like they have the problem. How about keeping right, folks?

    Having said that, I drove out west a few years back, and folks in the Northwest are much better about this.

  • Well, there are a couple that will get the blood simmering. First and foremost would be stopping in a merge lane. You've got fifty yards of tarmac to make the move over, so you shoulder check, timing your speed so you can slide over into that gap you see. You look forward in time to slam on the brakes, because scaredy-pants in front has elected not to accelerate to slip into traffic and has, instead, come to a complete stop. The second one you already mentioned; you pull up in the left lane at a redlight, and you're behind another car. Light turns green and, behold! the friggin' car in front decides that now is the time to let you know they are turning left. But you're stuck now, because there is a steady stream of traffic in the right lane. Ok, make it three; you want to make a left out of a parking lot. You wait patiently. You see an opportunity, but maybe that car coming toward you on your left is moving to quickly, and if you pull out you will cut him off. Choosing to be courteous you wait, only to watch the dink turn into the lot your in without signalling. Grrr…

  • SFBALL

    Yesterday I rounded a residential, no stop sign, blind right-hander on a residential street and found myself head on with a silver late model Lexus LS which had obviously just pulled out of their driveway. If you live around a blind corner, reverse the hell to the other side of the road ASAP, don't sit on the wrong side of the road.

    And SHE beeped at ME.

    I have to admit most annoying is a tie between people who can't position themselves sand block you from turning right at a light and people who think the turn signal helps them actually turn and put it on as they turn the steering wheel.

    It is to indicate that you are going to turn. That is why they are called, uh, indicators.

  • First good laugh of the day….

  • smoke_banshee

    For the summer i've committed to purchasing an electric bike to make my daily commute; it's that or ending up making the national news for taking an assault rifle to my fellow men on the road.

    Generally i've got a nice drive to work. It's less than 10 miles and most of it i complete on Lakeshore (aptly named, no stop signs and 25 mph) which isn't always the fastest route, but it keeps me away from the general asshattery in town. This year, MDOT has decided that it's going to put a roundabout in at the highway bypass just south of town. It'll be great when it's done but a mess until then. Lakeshore will be one of the two detours into/out of town. Fuck me.

    Beyond town, i've got a two miles of highway driving then a short span through a little place called Harvey, MI. MDOT is also tearing up the entire stretch of highway through Harvey. All this means that at least half of my commute will be clogged by construction for the whole summer. That would be bad enough, but it gets worse. Now i love Michigan's UP (that's why i live here) and i've got a soft spot for Yoopers…but Yoopers are, by a clear margin, the worst drivers on the face of the planet. Most of my fellow motorists can't figure out a four way stop much less a blinking yellow left turn lane light. Nobody ever signals. There's a strange habit of swerving onto the shoulder when oncoming traffic is present. Everyone strings out to just the right distance so that turning into traffic is always an adventure. Tailgating, not following the rechtsfahren rule, etc. etc. etc.

    I'm not falling victim to hyperbole here. I've been a lot of places. I used to give worst driver billing to Austrians, where i constantly wondered how just leaving the car in second gear was a suitable replacement for an automatic transmission. I lived in the city of Detroit where the only traffic law was to get from A to B as fast as possible. I've dodged trams, oncoming traffic and pedestrians on sidewalks in Russia. I've seen S. Koreans refuse to yield for an ambulance trying to merge into traffic. In the developing world there are excuses; furthermore, the insanity is a feature not a bug.

    Here, with a small population, low speed limits, planned traffic and all the wonders of the richest nation in the world, there is no excuse. I used to cut the Yoopers some slack since so few of them ever deal with other cars and complicated traffic patterns…but a four way stop isn't that complicated.

    I can only imagine the living hell that this construction season will bring…i do plan on taking lawn chairs and beer to watch/celebrate the opening of the roundabout. With an electric bike, i can ride the nicely paved bike path all the way to work. I'm thinking about building a recumbent trike with a motor on each back wheel…that way i can zip down the bike path at like 40, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette.

  • longrooffan

    You all have hammered the most common ones on public roadways, although I will add usually that slow car I often see in the left lane is a teenaged girl talking on a cell phone!

    Well, let me add one with a different twist, this one involves pedestrians. Down here in Daytona Beach, we are allowed the privilege of driving on the beach. Not the whole beach just a narrow area, about twenty feet wide, on a beach that is at least fifty yards wide. These traffic lanes are clearly marked, not just with signs but also with the clearly visible tire grooves in the sand. Now the problem, some idiots feel free to stroll along in these traffic lanes and, while we are limited to 10 MPH, they are clearly holding up traffic passage and are, usually, oblivious to it. Last week I was driving the beach and eased out of the traffic lane to pass an older couple walking toward me in the beach "street". As I passed them, the female told me to "Get back in the traffic lane". I almost gave her the so and so but I know my dearly departed Mom is watching over me so I just continued on my merry way. But Man, I was tempted!

  • antilagsystem

    People who try to be nice and let me in when they *clearly* have the right of way. If you have the right of way I'm not going to jump out in front of you. I'm just not–that's the opposite of what I'm supposed to do. What, one of us misjudges or you change your mind at the last second then what happens? That's right, I get written up, @#$@&$ over and end up paying to fix your car. Besides, these people always end up coming to a complete stop in some stupid place and staring at me blankly while they snarl traffic. Then they drive off in a huff like they're some sort of saint and I'm an idiot. Ever think that maybe rules like these are there because everything works better if we all abide by them? Somehow I think these are the same people who jump out in front of me when I have the right of way.

    Oh, an drivers that fail to accelerate to highway speed on the ramp or in the acceleration lane and instead move over as soon as they can directly in front of faster traffic and well below the speed limit. What the hell? I have heard that in some parts of Europe drivers merging into highway traffic have the right of way and the accepted method of joining the highway is to put on your signal while on the on ramp and accelerate hard–knowing that when you get to the end of the ramp whoever is there is supposed to let you in. Maybe we should give it a try because around here whatever we are doing isn't working very well.

    • I am completely with you on the inability to merge. I'll concede that it's not always possible to get to speed on time, but if someone's not trying in the least, I feel compelled to leap out of my vehicle into theirs and smash their right foot to a bloody pulp and replace it with a brick, so they may learn what acceleration is.

  • Josh

    Okay I am probably going to get yelled at for this one but here goes… This should the law.
    If you are over the age of 62 don't work and/ or handicap labeled you should not be allowed to be on the road between the hours of 6:30 AM-8:30 AM and 11:30 AM-1:00 PM and 4:30 PM- 6:30 PM unless it is an emergency in which case you should have called 911 because you are not going to get there in time. I live in a rural area of North Georgia south of Chattanooga, TN and I travel a 2 lane state route that is very straight with a posted speed of 55 actual average speed traveled in mornings and evenings is more like 65-70. I cannot tell you how many friggin old farts get out there and do 35. It irritates me to no end. Obviously you have no where you need to be so stay home. The other things when you are on the interstate and person a is in the right lane doing the exact same speed as the guy b in the left lane driving side by side at or below the speed limit (I call the recommendations).

  • I'm driving the truck this week. Just yesterday I was in a left hand turn lane making a turn and a guy pulled out from where I was turning in and almost hit me. I didn't even bother to hit the horn. The only thing the current truck is missing is bad mufflers and a V-8. Previous "don't care" trucks for me have included: a 84 Chevy K-10 long bed, with lift, 33" tires, and big chrome grill push bar (looked like the Fall Guy truck), 1979 Chevy K-5 Blazer rusty with 33" tires and a 79 Ranchero.

  • I don't understand the Ding-dongs who HAVE to get directly in front of a moving 10,000 lb 30 year old RV before the next red light. WITHOUT FAIL these ladies (and occasional nerdy dude) in nimble little 4 wheel disc-braked cars come zooming around me, engine screaming, and slam on their brakes stopping where I am about to be. WHERE THE @#% AM I SUPPOSED TO GO??!!?? How about on top of your stupid ass? RRRRRRRRTTTTT!!!

    I've seen a thousand upturned noses and terrified eyes in rearview mirrors as "Brownie, the World's Greatest Crappy Old RV ™ comes barreling down on them, front brakes locked and tires smoking. It's the lack of foresight that pisses me off. You can almost hear their thought process; Zoom! "Wow, my little car stops great!" Then they realize their mistake and "AAhhhhhh!!!"

    This happens over and over. The more space I leave the worse it gets. The slower I go the worse it gets and the horns start. However If I tailgate, sway with false lane change lunges and dart around in low gear letting my glasspacks bark and pop, people tend to give me a wide berth. 🙂

    Almost as bad are people who decide to "hang-out" with you on the freeway. Unable or unwilling to drive alone, they latch onto you to form a nice little social group so they can zone out and follow the herd. Except now I can't merge or change lanes, and god forbid there was an emergency. We would all go crashing to our deaths because they are paralyzed by their own self-induced groupthink. "GET AWAY YOU BASTARDS!!"

    I have resorted to driving erratically in order to scare these motorized zombies away and make it too frustrating to latch on to me. It's kinda funny to watch people next to me get frustrated without realizing it because they can't seem to match my speed. In my old Polara I can rock the steering wheel and make the front and back of the car swing like a pendulum without even changing direction, which makes traffic part like a drop of soap in a pan of oily water.

  • The photo says it all. The asshats who insist on taking a left into the far lane from a straight only lane because I refuse to let them in. See the light by my house has one turn lane onto a 2 lane road. so unfortunately, every day after work we sit through 5 – 8 iterations of the light waiting politely for our turn. There's always that guy who's too entitled to wait like the rest of us, and we always refuse to let him in after he comes flying up on the right, so he just makes the left anyway, usually about hitting someone in the process. I'm usually the person who gets up next to Captain Asshat, makes eye contact and cusses em out at the next light – which is always red.

    Thankfully, after many complaints to the police, there's one posted on each corner now on a motorcycle just waiting for Mr. Entitled to attempt his turn – and without fail there's someone pulled over daily.

  • The photo says it all. The asshats who insist on taking a left into the far lane from a straight only lane because I refuse to let them in. See the light by my house has one turn lane onto a 2 lane road. so unfortunately, every day after work we sit through 5 – 8 iterations of the light waiting politely for our turn. There's always that guy who's too entitled to wait like the rest of us, and we always refuse to let him in after he comes flying up on the right, so he just makes the left anyway, usually about hitting someone in the process. I'm usually the person who gets up next to Captain Asshat, makes eye contact and cusses em out at the next light – which is always red.

    Thankfully, after many complaints to the police, there's one posted on each corner now on a motorcycle just waiting for Mr. Entitled to attempt his turn – and without fail there's someone pulled over daily.

  • In those situations, I always make the left into the right lane, leaving Mr. Privilege with no place to go.

  • 1. Drivers that fan out across the freeway and pace each other. Nothing infuriates me more than getting stuck behind 5 dipshits that are all going 53 MPH on a 5 lane freeway with a 65 MPH speed limit.

    2. Dumbshits with a cell phone to their head or texting while driving. Yes there are laws against this here but it doesn't stop these morons.

    3. Assholes that cannot navigate a simple interchange. If you can't figure out the farking freeway then stay off of it. This goes for the fucks that "Wall Up" the transition lane. There are 2 lanes there for a reason, so those who get over can make room for the others.

    BTW the book cover does remind me of another dipshit that did hit my truck years ago in Vegas. Dumbass came from the extreme right lane at a light and clipped my front end making a left right in front of me. There wasn't any real damage but the rub mark still pisses me off to this day.

  • Most of my peeves have been touched on here, but the worst offense seems to be FTPA (Failure To Pay Attention). This takes many forms, from reading to texting, talking on the phone, fiddling with something on the passenger's side, applying makeup or any of a hundred other things. A quick tap on the horn usually brings the offenders back to the here-and-now, but more often than not, a single finger wave and/or a severe glower comes back, as if it's my fault they weren't watching what they were doing.

  • A-Freakin'-Men on the unnecessary yielding thing. It annoys me to no end, because it's a fairly common insurance scam. By the time the law shows up, there can be six or more injured parties that claim to have been in the car that only had one occupant at the time of the collision.

  • Pretty much all hit here, but to recap:

    5) Stopping inches away from people on steep hills. I don't have a problem pulling away without rollback these days, but when I was younger (and bad at driving stick) this really did piss me off.

    4) Pacing.

    3) Driving in the passing lane at or below the speed of those not in the passing lane. This very quickly turns me into aforementioned Navy pilot with their trunk in my sights. (I'm sorry, I am that asshole.)

    2) Not being able to function at a 4-way stop. I literally had a friend of mine matter-of-factly tell me once, "Whoever's on the right goes first." The right. THE RIGHT. Fucking EVERYBODY is on the right at a four-way stop. Where do people learn this kind of nonsense?

    1) No turn signals when changing lanes (or doing anything else that should involve a turn signal). I don't care if I'm the only one on the road at 4am and I'm just getting into a different lane because I feel like it; that signal WILL be used. It's common courtesy. And, frankly, it's something that should be so habitual (due to its being the easiest thing in the world to do) that if you AREN'T doing it any basically any point, it's clear that you never do it and are therefore nearly constantly doing the thing that irritates me most.

  • RE: Point #2. I believe it is the law in all fifty states that the car to the right at a four-way stop has the right of way. This is really only of relevance when two or more people stop simultaneously or for determining fault in a collision, though. Common sense says that he who stopped first, goes first.

    What I hate is when I'm stopping at a four-way stop and some asshat on the other street takes it as a sign that they can just gun it through the intersection.

  • As my oldest has begun to drive, I've been thinking about this, and two things come to mind:

    1) Kids are taught to drive in the left lane now. I saw one in a driver's ed car, crawling in the left lane. As soon as the road widened to 3 lanes, he moved left again. From the rear-view, I could see that he wasn't turning left at the intersection, either.

    2) People just simply don't know that it's wrong to cruise in the left lane. Sure, 25 cars may have just blown past on the right, but they don't get a clue, because they don't realize there's anything wrong with what they're doing.

    I used to pull up behind them and flash my lights several times before giving up and going around. Now I just go around – no sense wasting time and increasing my frustration level.

  • W. Kiernan

    The thing that bugs me is when I'm slowly rolling down the Interstate (five days a week, got the commuter blues) and the brake lights on the car in front of me are going on and off every five or ten seconds. I mean, the guy isn't actually slowing down; he's just continually fine-tuning his speed by going back-and-forth between goosing the gas pedal and nudging the brake pedal, as though the third alternative – letting off the gas and just coasting in "D" – is completely outside the compass of his driving skills. The problem with this is that when I see his brake lights go on, I would assume that he might actually be slowing down or even coming to a halt, but after a little while I see that 95% of the time he's just fiddling with the brake pedal. This makes his brake lights useless to me; I have to continually, unblinkingly monitor his motion in order not to rear-end him.

    The other thing is being right behind an SUV in that kind of slow-mo traffic and having to stare at its horrible fat ass. When you combine this with brake lights every five seconds, you get a perfect mix of I-275 commuter irritants. Even full-sized pickups are usually somewhat see-through so you can tell whether the entire line of traffic is lighting up the brakes or it's just that one guy trimming his speed, but those accursed SUVs are usually completely opaque from the POV of the guy behind, so you can't see through or past those ugly-ass things to tell if you really need to hit the brakes when his brake lights come on.

  • Oh, so many choices…

    People who seem to think that if they're close enough to the car in front when making a left turn and the light turns red as they enter the intersection they're in the clear?

    Assholes who think they're so clever by blitzing down a lane that's about to end and only attempting to merge when they absolutely run out of room to make forward progress?

    Mouth-breathing tailgaters who ride my ass even at 5-10 over the limit and one or more adjacent lanes are wide open? (Thankfully, my old diesel Benz can give such lowlifes a grille-full of soot, albeit not as much as it did before the advent of ultra-low sulfur fuel, with a quick stomp of the accelerator.)

    Self-absorbed pricks that gun it through a yellow light while I'm in the oncoming lane waiting to make an unprotected left turn?

    It'd be like asking Octomom to pick her favorite child (or voice in her head).

  • slow mergers
    people who cut me off and slow down
    left lane crawlers

    Any time I am required to take evasive maneuvers my blood boils. This is when the road rage kicks in and I seriously consider using my 6000lb. truck as a weapon. The wife is helping me work through this and now we typically drive her car when errand running.

  • Slow Joe Crow

    I have to ask where in the Northwest this was, Portland is legendary for left lane parkers.
    My personal hatred is people making a right turn in front of my motorcycle, there is an intersection near work with yield sign and I have had two close calls, fortunately I expect bonehead moves like that so it was just the horn and some sharp braking instead of a crash.

  • You, sir, are my hero.

  • XGM

    Having to overtake in the right lane, because they hog the left lane below the posted speed limit.

  • attempting zen

    In the past, I've been irritated by most of the above. As I get older, I believe that the supply of idiots will never waver, while my time and happiness are both finite. As a result, I make an effort to simply change lanes (metaphorically and literally) as smoothly as possible and keep moving on with my business. I now consider it a failing if I finish a drive angry at a stranger. Not that I always succeed in this approach, but I am finding that I enjoy driving more again. The goal is to 'flow' from start to stop on my trip with as little bother from others as possible. Sometimes that's pretty hard: like when the cop on a cell phone in his cruiser rolled through a stop sign and cut me off, tires skidding, and he just kept on rolling… completely oblivious. Nevertheless, that's my goal. To enjoy *my* drive, not worry about 86 ass-holes on the road – they are just part of the scenery, to be accounted for like curbs, potholes, stop-signs, and other aspects of 4-wheel functioning.

  • Ahhh, the fabled left lane cruiser. If they don't move to the right after three vehicles pass them on the right side, I try to make it more obvious that they should change lanes. Generally, I will pass them on the right, pull back into the left lane in front of them, and then let off the gas and coast until they decide to get right to pass me. Then I gun it back up to my desired speed, leaving them in the right lane (where they should be dammit).

  • Other motorists are always honking, yelling at me and giving me the finger. I simply don't understand why people are so rude.

  • I can't stand that misbehavior, either. When I lived in the city it drove me nuts. You'd have like twenty cars in the left lane stopped at a light, a few in the center lane, and nobody in the right lane. I'd just pull up in the right lane, up far enough so other cars could still turn, then get the holeshot and get ahead of the herd when the light changed, then get back in the center lane until I had to turn.

  • I used to live in a small town where people would pull out in front of you at the last possible moment just so they could go 15 mph for a block, practically stop, and turn left, instead of using the mile-long gap behind you. One day it happened 3 times. I'm glad it didn't happen a fourth time because I was ready to start using the chrome horn instead of the noise making one.

    Back home on the farm a few weeks ago I had a lot of fun in just one mile. Driving a big 2wd tractor with a chisel plow hooked up behind, I got to an intersection on the main highway where I needed to turn, and someone in a minivan had decided that road was a great place to stop to talk on their cell phone. (At least they stopped…) They moved and I made my turn. A mile later was my next turn, a left, to get off the highway, and I had my signal on and was ready to turn when the car zooming up behind me decided that South Dakota's law forbidding passing at intersections didn't apply to them and I actually had to brake so they didn't T-bone me.

  • Lotte

    People who match your speed in the other lane. I am doing the limit, on the right (cuz' I'm in a 4cyl Honda), but do YOU have to do the same? Now we are blocking a whole bunch of traffic from behind! Should I speed up? Okay, just a little bit…OH NOT YOU TOO!?! Fine, I'll coas…DON'T SLOW DOWN!! Fck, I give up. *puts car in Neutral, taps brakes, waits for Ms. CUV to slooowly oooze past me and watch as other cars dart to the left lane to pass me, and back again to the right to avoid her…

  • I've had a few good ones in the F100. Drum brakes on bias ply tires is always a hoot. It takes a long time to stop from speed on a good day and they pull out in front of me or merge into my lane coming up to a stop light. I'm glad the tires are so noisy when they lock up. Otherwise they would have never looked in their rear view mirror.

  • I live in a fairly small town, with the main street into town being two lanes in either direction for about 5kms. At the northern point of this street, the two lanes split off in a y-intersection. Of course, far too many people treat the left lane as an extended turning lane – not because there's a lot of traffic that makes it difficult to merge, it's because they don't care (and even if they missed the merge, there's about severalteen dozen different streets connecting the two branches of the y). And of course most of these people end up pacing each other, usually doing about 5 over (when the flow of traffic's doing 10-15 over, and I'm a little above that). And of course, I live just north of this y-intersection, so I'm forced to deal with the full dose of idiocy.

    The other thing that irritates me is the moron who uses their accelerator like a drum's kick pedal. I'll grant that without putting the cruise control on, there's probably going to be some fluctuation. But if you're going from 10 over to 5 under and back, over and over again, I am doing everything in my power to get the hell around you so I don't have an aneurysm.

    I don't swear much, but when I drive, I swear enough to make 80's Eddie Murphy look like a nun.

  • I'm going to have to join you as a guy who gets yelled at or flipped off occasionally. Sometimes you have a brain fart and do something stupid that you wouldn't normally do, and then cringe when you realize what you've done. It doesn't happen often (thank god) and the embarrassment always lingers. As I've gotten older I make fewer of these blunders and I sometimes wonder how I survived my youth. Like you say, a bit of grace and luck.
    Having said that, my pet peeves are the left lane cruisers, but especially the jerks who bust their ass to get in front of you irregardless of whatever lane you're in, and then slow down by 10 mph, forcing you to go around them or change lanes. Dicks.

  • Indy Bill

    Too many tickets have caused me to start driving cautiously on my daily commute. So I drive 60 in a 55, while everyone else goes 65-75 on the Interstate around Indianapolis. I stay in the right two lanes usually, and there's always the asshat that will tailgate me there. There are two to three lanes to the left of me open, please feel free to use them!

  • This here's a full service establishment, so… you're welcome.

  • I was going to ask you about that motorcyle rider Monday, and then you went ahead and finished up the story without me having to ask. Thank you for making it so convenient.

  • theTokenGreek

    first off, as a Navy Pilot, I felt my hackles rise just a little at that comparison, but it's all good.

    As for my peeve, a few friends and I were all getting restationed from Florida to Texas, and we decided to caravan with our stuff. Ended up being 3 cars and a motorcycle trailer. Around 3AM somewhere in Louisiana, some jerk in a Hyundai starts doing everything he can to muscle in on our little formation. The roads were pretty empty, and we were in a nice, tight little pack moving about 10-15 over the posted limit. It was pretty obvious that he wanted shelter from the police, without taking the risks and responsibilities of rabbit or sweep. After about 30 minutes of jockeying for position around every semi on the road (three lanes, semis always in the middle), he gave up and fell back at the posted limit. If he'd been willing to prove himself by joining in the rear, we would've been more than happy to let him rotate into the middle at some point. Asshole.

  • I'd die of old age before I finished typing a real response, so I'll keep it simple:

    Ricers, BMW drivers, and Marylanders.

  • I've driven a Semi for almost thirty years now, and there's one thing that every Truck Driver will tell you- People will risk Everything, the lives of the people coming the other way, the lives of the people in their car, themselves and even me, to not be behind a Big-Truck, no matter how fast they're going.

    I've got a spotless record (never less than five years at any company, no accidents or tickets Ever, except that one for 58 in a 55mph zone in Ohio back in '95 but we don't talk about that), so I can pretty much pick and chose where I want to work, and the nicest and biggest powered trucks at any company are called The Boss's Truck. This is the truck the Boss drives when he has to cover somebodies shift, but they're also handy to use as a recruitment tool for "old hands". "If you come work here, this would be your truck.", he says, knowing you're doing your best to not drool, and hell, he'll just go sell one of the older trucks and buy an even nicer one for himself. The big power is only given to those that have proven they are trustworthy to wield it.

    I haul ass. I do the utmost to not intimidate other drivers, timing passes so nobody has to speed up or slow down or have my highly polished "Texas Bumper" be the only thing they can see in their rear-view. But I'm paid by the mile traveled, and I'm going to run 5-8mph over the posted limit all day, every day, if conditions allow.

    People catch up to you when you're climbing a hill and slow from 73 to 68mph (in a 65 zone), and once you crest the hill, the madness starts. As you accelerate back to 73, the guy behind you will do anything to get around you. I've been passed on the right in the break-down lane, in double-yellows where I had to move into the break-down lane so the Passer could straddle the center-line while the oncoming traffic was forced into their own break-down lane to avoid a head-on, or my personal favorite, where the Passer moved all the way left into the other break-down lane and the oncoming traffic passed between us. This would be all well and good if they just kicked it up to 90 and vanished, but no…, once they've passed you and realized they're going 85mph and almost died and the speed limit here is 65 by god,….63mph suddenly seems like a much more reasonable speed…

    "Why is that Semi right on my ass?", they say as they tap the brake to get you slow even further. (Hat-Tip to ZomBeeRacer up above, for while I've heard school-bus drivers tell me I haven't seen nothing, I bet the R.V. folks could write their own book).

    • AlexG55

      I find that weird, living in a country where semis are required by law to be governed to 56 mph and the speed limit is 70- so the outside lane is a mixture of semis, people towing caravans, and people who are either old or driving a car too small to be on the motorway (this means you Smart Fortwo). The tricky bit is when it's two lanes each way, and one semi has his governor set slightly (and I mean 0.1 mph or so) faster than the one in front, so is slowly crawling up behind him- until he has to pass, and slowly crawls past him, blocking both lanes for a considerable period.

      As a cyclist, my big asshole-driver peeves are dickheads who door me and people who pull out without looking. There are also a few special cases:
      If I'm riding in the middle of the lane for a long period, it's because the road is too narrow for cars to pass me safely- and if your mirror hits me, I'm going to come off the bike and possibly land underneath your car. Alternatively, it's because I can't ride at the side of the road because there are potholes a foot deep or storm drain covers. Either way, it's not safe for me to move over and let you through, so don't blast your horn at me. It'll only make me slow to walking pace…

      Dear Bus Driver: don't wave me through in front of you at the intersection then accelerate. The reasons why should be obvious.

  • lincoln

    left. lane. is. for. PASSING.