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Nothing to see here, just a 1000-hp armored RV.

Hooniverse April 23, 2010 eBay Insanity, For Sale 19 Comments

If you see another one of these on the road, then you're probably tripping on acid.

Because let’s face it, you’ll never be Batman. Don’t let the inspired ad copy fool you: you can sit in the Corvette-chassis’d 1990s Tim Burton Batmobile all you want, making vroom-vroom noises and generally embarrassing yourself in front of your wife and kids (“it’s ok Sally, Daddy’s having one of his ‘moments'”), but you’ll never be mumbly yet intimidating like Batman or charming and suspiciously single like Bruce Wayne. (Just why does he keep Robin around, anyway?)

But sometimes, a man needs to rise up and take charge of his own life, much like a superhero does. And if your vigilante credo involves heaping amounts of two-stroke power and an ability to repel small arms fire, then hoo boy, have we got just what you’re looking for.

Clocking in at 18,000 pounds and 28 feet, and featuring air suspension, hydraulic cab and engine access, a Detroit Diesel 2-cycle fire boat engine good for 1000 horsepower and enough torque to throw off the orbit of Jupiter, The Screamin’ Eagle looks like the cross between a praying mantis, a Kenworth C501T road train, and Truckasaurus.

Pretty good daily driver, if you ask me.

It is the brainchild of master fabricator Jack Holt, who is clearly the sort of curmudgeonly, pissed-off old man who won’t think twice about ramming his size-9 Instride Sure Step extra-wide orthopedic shoe right into some kid’s crotch. Tapping into our 8-year old  Hot Wheels fantasies, Holt had originally designed it as a vehicle to crash through walls and knock lesser machines out of the way. The stuntman who it was originally commissioned for later bailed, “a Paris Hilton flake,” as Holt tells it—perhaps more interested in self-preservation than manhandling something so batshit insane.

Can’t see why, though—it IS bulletproof, according to Holt, who finished the project at the tune of over $100k and 3700 hours of labor. After all, he must have reasoned, presumably during his 6th glass of Maker’s Mark, if you’re going to build a vehicle that can crash through buildings with aplomb, why not go all the way? (This also seems to be a recurring trend.) If the police supervillain henchmen become too overwhelming, just hide out in the rear bunk bed and play Yahtzee until the heat blows over.

Alas, this vehicle may not be for everyone. Not everybody can drive a 28-foot long coffin with airbrushed eagles and the two-stroke blat of God’s Own Cuisinart. But if you’re Batman’s lesser-known brother who was raised on a steady diet of rotgut, Kenny Chesney albums, denim jackets and Hardcastle and McCormick, then here’s your ride.

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  • http://intensedebate.com/people/P161911 P161911

    Can't decide if this is the high-speed version of Killdozer or just the perfect vehicle for a vacation to Detroit.

    Oh, and 10ga steel is only 1/8" thick. Don't expect it to repel much more than a 22lr or MAYBE a 9mm pistol round. So in reality this thing might only be as bulletproof as a late 60s Imperial.

  • ladle666

    some day.. i will build an equal or better one… some day…

    ((*adds this to his list of things to do to make him appear to be a crazy old man*))

    • dwegmull

      First you'll have to get all those kids off our lawn.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/SSurfer321 SSurfer321

    <quote=BZR> "Because let’s face it, you’ll never be Batman." </quote>

    *see previous comment, where I WAS Batman http://hooniverse.com/blog/2010/03/19/hooniverse-

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/bzrong bzr

      SSurfer321 IS the goddamn Batman.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/muthalovin muthalovin

      You're Batman!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/CptSevere CptSevere

    I don't have the words to describe how incredibly impressed I am by this work of art. I am stunned.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Smells_Homeless Smells_Homeless

    This is not the kind of man that buys Maker's, or any liquor for that matter. He makes it from beets he grows in the backyard.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/_Tomsk_ Tomsk

    Far too low to be a competent zombie crusher. Other than that, it's brilliant.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/FuzzyPlushroom FuzzyPlushroom

    It could do without the eagles.

    That's really my only complaint… aside from visibility, perhaps.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/smokyburnout smokyburnout

      i don't think visibility is a huge concern here. If you do back into something, nobody's going to call you on it and it's not going to do a whole lot of damage to your vehicle. i don't see the "RV" part, though.

      • tenbeers

        I must admit; the thought of piloting a nine-ton, one thousand horsepower bulletproof doorstop does in fact fit my definition of "recreation".

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/tenbeers tenbeers

    Post. Apocalyptic. Taco. Truck.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dmilligan dmilligan

    Words fail me.

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